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Original poster

AIBU to expect my DH to pay into a pension for me whilst being a SAHM to his children?

40 replies

StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2012 13:33

Well am I?

He thinks so.

OP posts:
Helpyourself · 05/10/2012 14:16

YA a bit U if you didn't have one before.
I can see the logic if you've stopped work to look after DCs and want to continue.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2012 14:13

No we don't have life assurance. Tbh, these past few years we have been holding on by the skin of our teeth as life sent us on a whirlwind, but it's calmed down now and we need to sort ourselves.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2012 14:11

We don't currently have a house. Assets and savings are in his name. At some point we will buy a house and it will be in joint names, unless there are any benefits to it being in my name only, which I would expect him to agree to if that is the case.

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 05/10/2012 14:11

It all depends on how much money you have. If you have plenty of spare money then YANBU. If money is tight then I think you are a bit. From what I've heard those private pension pay in schemes aren't very reliable. Some companies have a flexible scheme where the employee can elect to have a smaller pension and the spouse can receive a larger pension.

KRITIQ · 05/10/2012 14:07

It sounds like he needs to get some sound financial advice as it appears he doesn't really understand it all.

Ragwort · 05/10/2012 14:05

Are all your 'assets' in joint names Ie: house/any savings/investments)?, as a SAHM myself that is far more important to me than my 'own' pension - as Piglet says you really can't invest a huge amount and it wouldn't be worth much when you reach retirement age. Do you both have life assurance, that would be far more useful Grin?

PigletJohn · 05/10/2012 14:00

if you are not in employment and do not have taxable earnings, the most you are allowed to contribute to a pension scheme is £2,880 per year. You will get a tax rebate on this (even if you are not a taxpayer!) which goes into the fund.

It might be worth taking out term life assurance (this is fairly cheap) on both of you, so the other could get by if the worst happened.

Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2012 13:45

Summer. The cost of childcare for 3 young kids, 1 disabled, is beyond my earning capacity. Beyond his for that matter.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2012 13:43

He says that we're not equal in that he's being paying his pension for years before he met me when I wasn't and that this shouldn't penalise him.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2012 13:42

To be fair he's not an arse, just a bit ignorant about these things.

For a variety of reasons I have very little pension of my own. It would require a substantial monthly outlay to make it even very modest.

OP posts:
Original poster
StarlightMcKenzie · 05/10/2012 13:39

Well he says we can't afford it and that all his assets are mine anyway.

So I told him in that case to stop paying his own pension and buy more assets.

OP posts:
summerflower · 05/10/2012 13:38

I think it depends who decided you should be a SAHM, what the other options are, and how you and your DH both feel about them.

If you both think it is best that you be a SAHM, then I don't think it is unreasonable that your financial future is as secure as his is. That is both of your responsibility.

If being a SAHM is your decision and he would prefer you to keep working or to do shared care, then it is a bit more difficult to make that argument, I think.

JustFabulous · 05/10/2012 13:38

Why wouldn't he want to do this? You are his wife and the mother of his children. He is supposed to love you.

mellen · 05/10/2012 13:38

It probably depends to an extent on what you both feel is the best use of family resources.

OneHandFlapping · 05/10/2012 13:36

No you're not being unreasonable. Whatever reason does he give for not allowing you an independent retirement?

I haven't earned for years, but we still invest money (when we have any) in my pension.

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