Charitygirl, your observations are correct in my experience! I hope I'm not derailing too much, but I have a theory why otherwise right on, progressive men who will take down racist/homophobic/disablist/class prejudiced/etc. bigotry in an eye blink but have a complete blank spot when it comes to sexist oppression.
This is something I've noticed not just amongst many of the more "high profile" men of the Left, but also amongst commentators on sites like Liberal Conspiracy or Guardian Comment Is Free as well as in a range of blogs. Their inconsistency and frankly, hypocrisy, stands out like a sore thumb.
I think for them, the political is just too personal!
Even the white, non disabled, straight, etc. guys can insist they disavow those privileges, pointing out all the good things they've done and through busting the tactics of the bigots - the minimising, denying, blaming and diverting they employ. They put alot of stock in their image as "good guys,"
putting as much fresh air as they can between themselves and the oppressors, showing they identify with the oppressed and not the privileged. (Whether they do genuinely eschew these privileges is another matter of course.)
But, if you have a wife, girlfriend, date women, have other women in your life, it's much, much harder to squirm away from the idea that you benefit from male privilege and on both a personal and wider scale, you contribute to the disadvantage and oppression of women. That idea doesn't "sit" with their image as good-guy-defender-of-the-underdog.
To be fair, some progressive men DO acknowledge this tension, do take active steps not to perpetuate or collude with sexist oppression and put their money where their mouth is on feminist principles. But sadly, lots don't.
To preserve their carefully honed image, they have to deny, minimise, blame and distract on any issues that relate to feminism or the oppression of women. They seem to have learned the techniques well by calling them out when employed by those folks perpetuating the oppression of other groups. They keep each other's "backs" when anyone points out the inconsistency and hypocrisy of their positions.
They'll argue tooth and claw because for them, a lot is at stake. They want to retain their "good guy" image but not lose the male privilege they enjoy. They just hope no one will notice that's what they are doing.