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Original poster

What ordinary things make you feel positive about feminism?

137 replies

LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/08/2012 11:36

I hope it's ok to start this thread - I wanted to because I was thinking a lot about violence and rape and all the awful things that happen, and frankly, I would like to think about some of the positive stuff too. I'd like to remind myself of the dads and sons and brothers and male friends we've got who do 'get' feminism, and the women we know who 'get' feminism and use it to make other people's lives better - it's not always a pitched battle or a lonely thing.

So, I want to know, who are the ordinary people in your life who make you feel proud to be a feminist (they don't have to be perfect!), and what ordinary things do you do, that you're proud of, that you do because you're a feminist?

I'll kick off: my baby niece makes me so proud to be a feminist. She is wonderful and gorgeous and clever (naturally ... she is not much over a year old Wink). But what makes me feel really proud of feminism is that she's growing up as the apple of her parents' eyes and the whole family thinks she is wonderful and can do anything - that's something we ought to be able to take for granted but women didn't used to be able to, and women in other part of the world can't.

And my brother makes me feel proud to be a feminist, because without feminism, I don't think he would have been able to take on the role he does as easily as he does, and he is really working hard (I know it's hard, he and his wife say so) to share the parenting.

For me, ordinary things I feel proud of - I've not completely managed to buy all books by women this year, but the majority of the books I've bought have been books by women, and I like this as a little feminist thing I can do.

What about you?

OP posts:
Original poster
LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/08/2012 18:46

lio - I love that, it's not micro at all really, surely?

messy - just Thanks, to you.

OP posts:
messyisthenewtidy · 13/08/2012 18:00

I'm a single mum too and I'm proud of/thankful to the feminists who fought to highlight the double sexual standard (as far back as those who campaigned against the Contagious Diseases Act in the C19th) because they made it possible to be who I am without the guilt.

I'm also happy to be a feminist because whenever some sexist bullshit crops up I have the logic and language to analyse it and recognise it for the lie that it is. That's thanks in large part to the eloquence of you lot! Smile Thanks

I'm happy I've passed those skills onto DS because he is good at recognising the bullshit aimed at boys too.

Lio · 13/08/2012 17:45

On a micro-scale, I like it that dd gives all of her fluffy toys (tigers, hedgehogs, that sort of thing) girls' names. When my dad refers to them as 'he' she politely sets him straight.

And in a wider context, I like it that nobody for years and years has asked me 'Ooh, what's it like?' when it comes up in conversation that my two bosses are women (last time was prob over ten years ago ? I've been here a while!).

Original poster
LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/08/2012 12:58

That's lovely to hear cailin (and personally I'm really glad to know that it can work out ... I'm looking ahead and it's good to have positive examples).

My DH is getting a lot better, too.

In terms of 'ordinary' people who make me proud to be a feminist, there's a good lot of women I know who're just a bit further ahead of me in careers and family life and it's so good to have the positive examples of how they make relationships work.

OP posts:
CailinDana · 13/08/2012 12:55

My DH is a great example. We had a few massive rows about him pulling his weight when I was pregnant with DS and I was very worried that he would be useless when he was born but the absolute opposite was true. From day one, he shared the night wakings, every single night, no excuses, no whinging, and I've always felt he is an equal parent with whom I can leave DS at any time without having to organise anything or worry one bit. Now that I'm pregnant with DC2 he has taken on more responsibility for DS to give me time to rest. He values the work I do as a SAHM and never makes me feel like second best in the relationship. He always treats me with respect. Basic things, really, but important and things that a lot of women don't even expect nowadays.

One thing I was very pleased about - he was watching Spartacus and I commented angrily that it was a horrible misogynistic show. He was a bit shocked but listened when I explained that I felt the constant stream of scenes depicting rape and violent sex in a "sexy" manner were fetishising sexual violence against women and turning it into something to titillate viewers rather than showing the real effect it can have. The women in the show were just basically there to be stripped off and fucked, by whatever means necessary. I noticed after that that he stopped watching it, and though we didn't talk about it again I know what I said made an impression because he made a pissed off comment about the nasty sex scenes in A Game of Thrones, which is one of his favourite programmes. I think he's far more aware of how violence against women is used as a source of entertainment in the media.

Krumbum · 13/08/2012 12:55

Up at the edinburgh fringe seeing fantastic female comedians being appreciated just as much as the male comics. I know it's a comedy savvy audience and there's still a long way to go but it's brilliant to see such talented women being properly appreciated as part of culture.

lastnerve · 13/08/2012 12:41

I am of the younger adult generation, a lot of people my age have children now.
theres a group on fb for people my age and slightly younger and its scary how often people post with 'my bf does nothing for the baby' etc.

But what is really nice is how often its met with, 'Get him told why do you tolerate that?'
I can't imagine anybody condoning that kind of behaviour in this day and age.

Original poster
LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/08/2012 11:47

Grin Fair enough trills.

Bertie - I must do that, too! I have been enjoying listening to women singers, I find that really interesting, since for so long they were considered second-best to boys' choirs.

I agree about seeing people get out of abusive relationships .... it's amazing.

I think the smaller ones are wonderful too - when you realize you've shifted the way you respond to little domestic niggles, and someone else has shifted too, and you're both agreeing. It just makes life that tiny bit better, in increments, even if it's just feeling confident that no, the washing up isn't automatically my job because I have boobs.

OP posts:
Original poster
LRDtheFeministDragon · 13/08/2012 11:45

That's a good one. Thank you older feminists Thanks

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 13/08/2012 11:44

I've started consciously listening to music by women and making women-only playlists, and I find the music empowering. I like male artists too! But I found that without thinking too much about it they were dominating my music collection.

I am raising DS pretty much alone ATM, holding down a part time job, and part time degree study course Shock Also asking to take on more responsibility at work and pulling colleagues up on sexism and them taking me seriously Grin

Coming on the MN relationships board and seeing people find a new life for themselves after appalling treatment and abuse. That always gives me a warm glow whether I've posted on the thread or not.

Trills · 13/08/2012 11:44

Can't think of a specific thing to say right now, but want to share in the happy.

DioneTheDiabolist · 13/08/2012 11:42

I am a single mother.
No one thinks I'm defective or of loose morals. I am not judged. Thank you older feminists and thank you society for listening to them.

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