Congratulating women on getting married

Well what if three/four/twenty people love each other and want to stay together for the foreseeable?

I have not noticed any good wife expectations scottish mummy, but maybe that is because no-one had any expectations of me.

Disagree with all of you - I love being married. Maybe that is because I am in a relationship with someone who allows me to grow as a person and I feel I have become a much better person for it.

Is it really still a patriarchal institution? I thought the reason why a woman wore a pretty dress is because generally women do like to wear pretty dresses - not many people wear white nowadays either do they? If a women does not wear white, it is definitely not symbolic of virginity or any of that rubbish.

As for the group marriage idea - it is not marriage. If you have "group marriage" what does it mean. Marriage is meant to be about a commitment between two people who love each other and they are making that declaration to the world and saying (at least for the foreseeable future) that they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

but marriage confers a social status/assumption
it's seen as more stable relationship
and societal good wife expectations still abound

Marriage is what you make it. It annoys me when people say they dislike it because of the history of it. I'm only interested in the reality. It's a bit like saying you can't visit the Tower of London because you disagree with capital punishment.

Why do you assume that getting married automatically means I gave up my identity? I certainly didn't. By your statement you have assumed that I am a powerless woman, who has become helpless now she is married! What a load of cobblers.
I'm every bit as much me now as I was when I got married 11 years ago! In fact I'm a bit more me now as I have 11 more years of experience wisdom, as well as a lot of love and support from my partner. I haven't lost my identity I have improved it!
For the record, I said the traditional vows, with the exception of promising to obey, because I wasn't prepared to make a promise I knew I wouldn't keep. I do love, honour and respect my husband, but I dont obey him. Respect his opinions, and make choices which take them into consideration certainly, but I make my own choices, always have and always will! Surely that's what mutual respect and marriage should be about?

cry at wedding?aye
bar mitzvah,christening,births
im v emotional and can be relied upon to get the greetin going

It is really weird if you only want to have friends who think like you. If they are happy you should be happy for them- full stop.

Why wouldn't you congratulate your friends on making themselves happy? I had loads of congratulations on my children- from people who I know wouldn't go near a kid with a barge poll. They were happy for me because they knew I was desperate to be a mother.

No, scottishmummy - don't tell me you cry at weddings? You've totally shattered my image of you :(

TeiTetua

of course i congratulate friends male/female getting married
im unmarried and hold the institution in no esteem personally
but if a significant happy event for friends of course i congratulate.i attend all the weddings and am a good guest and can cry on cue

whom

to who is that an ode, Tei ?

There was a Mumsnet feminist who lived in a sensible low-heeled shoe,
She had so many husbands and civil partners she didn't know what to do,
So she hugged them and kissed them and saw they were fed,
Then spanked all their bottoms and took them to bed.

yep, like I said, I would expect a group situation would simply mean more people to argue about who has to clean the bog

AF: I expect some groups would have rotas, some groups would squabble about it a lot, some would allow people to trade off the jobs they hated for other favours.... just like heteromonogamous couples might do.

I wasn't thinking only the men would be inconsiderate sods in a group marriage situation

I know some tremendously lazy and selfish women

I think humans have been divorced or alienated from their true nature through advances in law, state, private property and technology. Perhaps I'm deluded, maybe there will always be lazy selfish men people. Why are people not falling over themselves to wish others well, be that in marriage or in crossing the road. Why do we need to establish complex rules and laws about everything from divorce to who puts the bins out I have read many posts on here from women saying they would advocate for some sort of contract before marriage that would cover everything, down to who cooks and who loads the washing machine, quite honestly why would you even consider spending your life with someone unless you were certain they would always, with out fail consider you and play fair.

one would hope so

or more realistically, the lazy ones will duck out of it just like in every other kind of partnership

Whoever puts the bins out, AF, you can be sure that the issue will be discussed at length, in an open and honest way, with all potential problems and pitfalls thrashed out in advance to ensure that everyone involved is happy with the situation :)

who gets to put the bins out ?

Group marriage........would you propose an upper limit?

mini - true about the medieval church, but I think Church and State are particularly close in the UK because of Henry VIII setting himself up as head of the Church as well as head of State. And that in itself was to do with some pretty misogynistic and marriage-related bullshit, too!

SOmeone beat me to posting that only Christian marriage ceremonies are legally binding (ie, Jewish, SIkh, Muslim ones etc aren't) and remove the need for a register office trip. I trained as a BHA celebrant and some BHA members wanted humanist weddings to be as legally binding as Christian ones; I prefer the idea that everyone has to go and do the legal bit with the registrar and then go and have whatever ceremony you like.
But then I'm also in favour of people being able to register group marriages if they want to. The legal aspects of marriage (protection of children,rights over the home etc) should be extended to anyone who wants them. There is no good reason to forbid people from entering into group marriages, after all (and don't waste my time with any waa, waa, but they might go wrong. Heteromonogamous marriages go wrong an awful lot of the time but no one advocates forbidding them on those grounds.)

I'm married, but only because I met a truly amazing man that I couldn't quite bare not to be married to. It was a tough decision for me, I have very ambivalent feelings about the institution, but the alternative was unthinkable.

I didn't change my name and since it's a completely equal partnership, I don't feel like I've compromised my feminist credentials one bit.

Personally, I'm not a fan of the big white frock, or the use of picture of woman in same as Facebook profile pic, but each to her own. I didn't even change my Facebook status when I did the deed, so I don't think everyone makes such a song and dance about it.

OP if you're not comfortable with what your friends have done and you're a true friend of theirs I'd wish them all the best. Marriage at times can be hard work and they'll need all the support they can get when times get tough. If they do turn out to be one of the unlucky half that are heading for a nasty divorce (and there's no other type if you ask me) then you can be there for them when it all falls apart. If not and they're happy, what's not to like?

If these marrying women aren't friends of yours, say nowt.