Am I wrong to tell DD she is beautiful?

point taken.

i don't want this to be taken the wrong way but she is absolutely stunning, and it does worry me. she will get a lot of attention and i want her to be able to handle it, without having her head turned. she is starting to know herself or at least want to know herself, she needs to accept her looks in a matter of fact way.

It is difficult to avoid praising the clothes, but it can be useful to make it an "active" compliment - "those shoes must be good for dancing" - leads onto thinking more about what you can "do" rather than what you look like.

must try this on myself sometime

it is more about being honest. she asks me if she is beautiful, and i tell her that she is. she is becoming self aware and is fascinated with herself. who she is, what kind of person she is and what she looks like.

i agree with you about intrinsic qualities, and she is more interested in the person she is, rather than what she looks like, but i think she needs some kind of yardstick. she will ask me who else is beautiful, or kind or funny or whatever, i think to understand that quality.

i do remember how seductive it can be to hear how beautiful you are, and usually what a crock of shit it is, and really don't want her to fall into that trap.

i am trying to think if i ever volunteer a compliment about her looks, and i think if i do it is more along the lines of 'oh that top looks good with those leggings - good idea dd', rather than 'you look wonderful tonight'.

Chipping - of course everyone thinks their child is beautiful. My DS is absolutely gorgeous!

Still, from a feminist perspective fundamentally in this society girls/women are valued more for their appearance than any other aspect of their personality, skills etc.

This is damaging for an individual where their self-esteem needs to be bolstered by being attractive/available to boys as a teenager, through to at a society level where female politicans are berated for not meeting the female beauty standard. Why is this even relevant to their politics?

Lots of things women are expected to do to maintain/enhance their looks are significantly damaging to their health - what if the young girl isn't considered sufficiently beautiful - what measures should be taken?

I wouldnt stop the beautiful comments though.

This has made me realise that my DD gets lots and lots of compliments about her looks and her curls ect ect but the oh shes a bright spark isnt she clever compliments are usually said to me not her Will start more comments about other things. Thankyou.

BelleCurve - what a lot of crap. There is nothing wrong with telling your daughter she is beautiful, Nothing At All.

I would suggest that if you re-inforce that your DD's value is about her appearance, she would be more likely to fall for compliments than not?

If she understands that her value is intrinsic, personality, character, intelligence etc this will be better for her self-esteem in the long-run, surely?

i tell my daughter she is beautiful because she is. it is the truth. and i worry that if i don't she will fall for men's compliments the way i did and be grateful to them.

i talk to her more about books and the meaning of life. she's 10. and doesn't wear foundation.

I agree that beautiful technically means aesthetically pleasing, but in common usage it is a fairly gendered word - outside of literary circles how often would hear a "beautiful young man".

For a young child (and most adults) they would generally assume this is compliment on the way they look.

If your DS and DN have other wonderful characteristics, why not compliment them on those - "I love how you stand up for your principles, DN".

I don't think she would take the same message if you said "you are so beautiful, DN", she would assume you meant her physical appearance.

Interestingly the google dictionary definition quotes "a beautiful young woman" as an example and the others are all inanimate objects.

Belle - I would entirely agree if we were talking about telling a girl she was 'pretty'. I think the word 'beautiful' has a more complex meaning. You can find people beautiful even if they are not visually attractive. Beauty is in a smile or in a deed or in a personality. It is not always a visual trait.

I tell my DS he is beautiful because he is such a happy, gentle child. My DN is beautiful because she is so strong and principled.

I do agree that dressing a girl up in a nice dress and telling her how pretty she is would be wrong, but I think telling children they are beautiful for being who they are is self-esteem building and I would never stop doing that.

Yes, it is wrong to tell your daughter she is beautiful (although I'm sure she is).

From a feminist perspective, what you need to do is give her an understanding that you value her for something other than her appearance, when she is/will be bombarded by a culture that tells her girl's/women's only value is in their appearance/sexual availability.

parentables.howstuffworks.com/family-matters/how-do-we-respectfully-teach-young-girls-about-beauty.html

Alternatively turn the focus away from what she looks like or even how "good" she is (which can often be code for demure, quiet, submissive) and concentrate on how strong, fast, active she is. Or ask her what she is reading, thinking, doing etc.

Society views women primarily as decoration and it is our job as feminists (and I assume that is why you posted in this section) to concentrate our attention on what girls/women do and think.

This article gives some good hints

www.huffingtonpost.com/lisa-bloom/how-to-talk-to-little-gir_b_882510.html

I told dd a bedtime story based on her day almost every night. I told her she was kind, clever, helpful, cheerful, beautiful and lovely. She is a bit old for them now but I tell ds the same for his bedtime story. I worried about the beautiful part bug thought how important it is to know that someone thinks you are beautiful.

Of course you should tell she's beautiful, as long as you do it all the time. It would be very sad if a child was only told of their beauty when they've got on a "pretty" dress, have their hair up in bunches, are wearing a necklace etc. I tell my 2yo daughter she's beautiful even when she is plastered in yoghurt and snot.

Me: You're very beautiful.
DD: I know.

My work here is done...

Seriously, I have all sorts of self esteem issues to do with not feeling loveable, etc and I didn't want that for my daughter. I made sure that DD (4.10) knows that she is loved and also that she beautiful, clever, brave and a chatterbox. She is all those things and is confident in them all.

I tell my ds he is beautiful, I don't think there's anything wrong wih calling someone beautiful.

Why wouldn't you?

I tell all my children - especially my daughter is is dreadfully scarred

I constantly tell all my DS's - ages from 2 to 13 y/o that they are beautiful. When i get youngest 2 from bed on a morning my greeting is 'hello gorgeous boys!'

I tell my dd she's beautiful, also tell her when she's been brave, kind, etc.

She's 11 now and sometimes has some wobbles over self confidence. I do think its part of our role as parents to help them to be confident and believe in themselves. Believe me when they get to dd's age there are enough girls at school telling them they're ugly etc, you need to counter balance the bitching!

I told my DD shes beautiful everyday since about 1, I heard french women have that told to them everyday since birth and thats why they are so poised and confident in themselves. That could be a load of crap but cannot harm although my DD whos now going on 7 will tell everyone that shes beautiful and she prances about in mirror fluffing her hair up and the like.

I have wondered this. I have a baby DS and always greet my NCT friends' baby girls with 'hello beautiful girl!' then cringe at myself.

I do call DS beautiful too though about a million times a day

I tell my DSs that they are beautiful and gorgeous because they are. But their beauty goes beyond their looks.

I have the issue or question about telling a child they are clever - is this appropriate praise for a recent achievement rather than making them believe they are "gifted" when this may not be the case??