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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

So if you're daughter/son started waxing ..

29 replies

lastnerve · 05/07/2012 09:39

and wearing lacy underwear (not men although maybe)

What would you say to them? would you say anything?

this is a thread bout' a thread :/ hides but I'm interested.

My mother did say to me as an 11 year old when I started she was surprised, she did say "don't you think its weird men find it sexy for women to look like children?' every now and again.
She warned me off cheap creams and used the safety angle, For various reasons she didn't really have the time and had bigger problems (grew up in a very f*d , dysfunctional family, disability etc) well I always got that sense.

I think I probably just rolled my eyes I can't remember,
Did you ever do this?: what did your mother say well I'm saying mother , did fathers ever talk about leg shaving etc.

I'm just interested on how you would approach that conversation without mortifying them.

OP posts:
AMumInScotland · 05/07/2012 12:57

I'm not sure I'm following - are you talking about shaving/waxing legs, or about Brazilians? And are you talking about 11yo's, or teens?

If an 11yo was getting a Brazilian, I'd be very worried. If a teenager was shaving her legs, I'd view it as a personal choice.

Of course we should talk about body image, conforming, stereotypes, etc with children long before teens - I've only got a son, so the issues about bodies and media representation are different and probably a lot less insidious, but I've always tried to talk about being happy with himself as a person and not being pushed into things either by media images or peers.

EclecticShock · 05/07/2012 12:42

That was badly written, no sure it made much sense.

EclecticShock · 05/07/2012 12:41

Agree with the modelling behaviour, however I think peer pressure is more of an issue with regards to having a different outlook than your friends, than culture being ingrained past a certain age. If you model critical thinking, this skill can be applied at any age in theory and help someone to overcome ingrained behaviours, IMO. At certain ages, children have enormous inclination to belong to a peer group.

KRITIQ · 05/07/2012 09:56

I think I'd start the build up to the conversation as soon as they were able to talk, encouraging them to not take media and popular culture messages at face value, to see themselves as people of value in their own right, not because of their appearance, to build up the ability to discern for themselves and not necessarily just follow the herd.

I'd also think about my own actions and how even the youngest children observe and absorb more than we usually recognise. There's emerging evidence that daughters of women who talk about themselves being overweight, seem preoccupied by food and diets, starting to develop poor body image and obsession with their own weight as young as 6. Similarly, if they see their mums shaving and waxing or referring to their own bodies or parts thereof as disgusting, dirty or otherwise undesirable, they are likely to model their own attitudes about their bodies and themselves on this.

If you wait until the child is a teenager, or even 10 to broach the subject, it's going to be bloody hard to make a difference. They'll already be heavily influenced by the media, popular culture and their peers, and will be at the stage of thinking stuff their parents say is "uncool." Negative feelings about their bodies and their identity will probably already be fairly ingrained and much harder to counter.