support thread: bringing up girls

I've never really worried about 'gender stuff' either. I guess I grew up with a nice mix of dresses and hand-me-downs from my DBs; always knew I'd be a scientist and simply didn't care that hardly any girls did it at school. So why would I worry about DD - she's herself.

She's got some friends who are happy wallowing around in mud and others who like shopping and makeup - perfect, makes up for my lack of interest. She hasn't worn pale pink for years ... likes wearing black rubber actually.

joins thread, ihave one dd, my youngest and 4 boys. i think we are parenting her the same as the boys tbh, but she is only 18mths so its early days! having 4 big brothers does mean we have a house full of 'boys' toys but then we also have a toy cooker, dolls, loads of dressing up stuff (my ds3 is a big fan of tutus and fairy dresses, which i was slated for on mnet on another thread!) so we have always been gender neutral with toys and just bought a wide variety for them to play with.

i have to say i am enjoying buying girls clothes, but dd also wears her brothers hand me downs, at the moment i decide to leggins with a skirt or a dress, whatever she wears is practical so she can run and climb, she is a BIG climber! it will be interesting as my dd gets older to see if she is tomboyish or if she goes the opposite way, having 4 big brothers i wonder how much they will influence her. she already likes playing cars, trains etc but equally loves the toy pushchair and doll, tbh she is just a typical toddler at the moment! totally adorable and a bit fiesty! :)

interstingly i worry more about parenting my boys, or at the moment i do, my eldest is almost 13 and i am very worried about the whole internet and porn etc, we have safety settings on our home pc but i am very aware that with fancy mobiles etc it WILL be accesed if not by him by his friends etc. i want him growing up to respect women, well everyone really! and at the moment he sees myself and dp as equals to each other and dp has always been hands on around the house and my boys are all expected to pitch in and help out etc.

I am joining this thread as I'm interested in the opinions expressed.

My DD, 7, is another girly girl, pink spinny dresses. No end in sight so far...

DS went through a phase of wearing DD's pink Tweetie Pie nightie to bed. Every night.

We let him and took lots of really cute photos of him with a buzz haircut in his favourite nightie, with which to blackmail him when he is a teen

yy hothead, just have loads of different stuff in a box and let him choose. We used to have a particulalry fetching Sleeping Beauty number I seem to rememember. It was a great loss to sartorial choice when Woolworths shut.

Had a conversation with dd about 2 years ago (when 10) re tomboy/girly girls - she said exactly as Mme's did - 'I'm somewhere in between. Neither." She had Barbie, and dolls, and was a bit cool on pink. Now she doesn't own a dress, and wouldn't wear one. Likes her clothes, esp t-shirts.

I'm for letting the darlings decide - and besides which in later childhood the more you try to prevail th more there will be something to rebel against. So reverse psychology could be a go-er.

DD was the biggest massivest princessy Disneyfied girl until she was about 8yo. She went through a "I hate pink" phase, but has not (10yo) settled into liking all colours.

She says that she doesn't really want to be a tomboy, but doesn't want to be a girly girl either.

I think that you have to let them be interested in what they want to be interested in, without giving in to the impulse to steer them in a different direction.

And don't forget I had had ds wear tights and a tutu and sparkly hairslides for years. Inured.

oh yeah, it's weird, they have to go through it. Dd wore the same pink dress every day for over a year (had to wash it at night on occasion. She used to eat the belt too.

Won't touch dresses/ skirts now. Altho she did wear a very short skirt the other day and I asked her if she was going out to earn a few quid. heh heh heh. Also, I always say, well I don't like it, dearest heart, but it isn't me wearing it. You wear what you want to wear. Drives em insane.

"I think you have to work out who they are as people and then help them develop themselves and their interests/personalities."

You see, this should be obvious. Yet I have really had to bite my tongue and let DD go hell-for-leather on the pink and smile encouragingly like this --> when all she wants to wear are dresses which flare out when she turns around. Because to steer her away from them is as bad as forcing her to wear them.

I find that my DDs (7 and 4) are actually having a similar childhood to the one I had in the 70s in terms of what they wear and how we play...the things on sale today are pinker and glitterer-er

I have 2 girls, dd1 is 12 and dd2 is 2. I've been trying really hard to be gender neutral with both of them and bring them up to fully believe they are equal to (or better than) any of the boys they meet.

I think I've done a reasonable job so far with dd1 but to be fair she's quite determined to be herself anyway and refuses to fall for any stereotype at all. She always had a wide range of toys, including cars and train sets as well as dolls and kitchens. She decided for herself that she wasn't interested in a lot of the things that were being pushed as 'girl' things, like Bratz, High School Musical, etc and chose to be interested in Harry Potter (I think she wanted to be Hermione) and Dr Who.
She's also seen me not wearing make up or worrying about clothes so she's not bowing to peer pressure on those things either, in fact I worry that she's possibly going a bit far the other way and making sure she is wearing clean clothes would be a good thing
And being pretty bright helps too I think as she's always been confident that she can be whatever she wants to be, whether that's a lawyer, doctor, etc There really aren't many careers that are closed to someone of her ability and she would never believe she couldn't do something because she's a girl. Anybody making that claim to her would just be laughed at and she would say 'but of course I can do that, I can do anything better than any of the boys'. I think she's probably going to end up in a male-dominated field as she's very interested in Science and Maths atm.
My biggest failing so far has been in the diet thing. I have struggled with my weight all my adult life and ahve been on numerous diets that she's seen, and picked up on that. I am trying to be less obsessive and am working on my issues with food, and she's seeing that too though so hopefully I'm undoing some of the damage I've already done.
Chores are fairly equally shared out in our household, actually dp does more than me but I don't let on that I know that. I earn more than dp and while neither of us goes on about it it's not a secret either so I think dd1 is well aware that women's jobs are just as important as men's jobs. She's also well aware that men do childcare too as my dad did most of the childcare for her til she was 7 and she loved spending so much time with her grandad.

Woodcraft folk is good for mixed activities.

She is in her first year at secondary school so they are a new group. So far (touches everything in sight) there is a really nice, kind, supportive group of about 15 of them. Watch this space for crying and moaning in due course.

She still has old friends that she sees, deffo good to have a range. I have also always discouraged the whole "best friend" thing since an unspeakable time a few years ago...

Yo tethers!

I never got worried about gender based stuff. Ds wore a tutu for years and dd had a mad pink stage...Now she mainly wears jeans. I think you have to work out who they are as people and then help them develop themselves and their interests/personalities.That ^ is obvious. Soz. I mean don't worry what behavious is called what unless they are inhibited/constrained by it. Which I know isn't your point.

My dd is 13. It really really helps if they have friends whose parents try and inculcate similar values - they are such pack animals. Dd is fairly clear eyed about stuff, and I am not remotely "feminine" but she does tell me to stop ranting...

Bookmarking as I now have 2 girls- a 3yo and a 6wk old.

I am particularly interested in a point Doris brings up- wanting them to be tomboys. I struggle with this if I'm honest... why do I want my daughters to take on traditionally 'male' attributes? How little do I value traditionally 'female' attributes? I really wanted boys (although am now glad to have two girls), and I have to ask myself why I subconsciously place(d) a higher value on boys than girls.

Also agree completely with Abigail WRT eating/dieting etc.

Good idea for a thread.