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Original poster

My daughter cleans up after my sons

38 replies

maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 30/06/2012 11:41

And I have a bit of a problem with it, I was hoping by discussing it here you could help me figure out why I feel so uneasy with or if there's anything I can do about it

I have five boys and one girl, she is six. And as the title states she is often found cleaning up after her brothers. She loves to help tidy and always keeps her room clean, and is often found tidying her brothers rooms when they are supposed to be doing it. She is also very good at anything like that whereas the boys are pretty useless. If someone spills something she will jump up to take care of it, she even does a little head shake with an indulgent smile at the boys! She looks for all the world like a mini 50's housewife who has to take care of 'her boys'

Now I know she's only young, and know it'll probably all change soon, but I just can't figure out why she is behaving in such a stereotypical way, and it bugs me not least because I think that most people will assume we have 'trained' her to be that way

What makes it really puzzling is that in our house it is DH who does all the domestic duties, and we also have equal chores/responsibilities set by age so all of the children are treated equally. I just don't understand where this is coming from, and while it could simply be a personality thing it seems too much of a coincidence that out if six children it would the one girl who would behave like this

So am I barking up the wrong tree here?

OP posts:
RhysPie · 04/07/2012 11:08

"She has been getting messages from elsewhere - her friends, adverts on the tv 'Women spend 6 hours a week doing housework' (new Cilit Bang advert), other relatives, school. It all adds up.

Others will be along with ideas as to how to tackle it. My own dd hates housework whereas my ds loves to copy his parents."

LMAO, so it's not possible she is a born home-maker/nurturer?
Remember ladies, we evolved with very different roles and survival strategies.
We ARE different.. not better.. not worse.. just Different.
However there will also likely be times where the role is reversed, as there will always be exceptions to any general rule.

Jacksmania · 03/07/2012 17:47

Bloody hell, I hope so :)

Ephiny · 03/07/2012 17:40

6 hours a week seems a lot to me!

TeddyBare · 03/07/2012 17:06

Jacksmania - perhaps their survey found that men are also doing housework therefore it isn't all being done by women in those 6 hours Wink

Jacksmania · 02/07/2012 23:51

"Women spend 6 hours a week doing housework" - Shock holy sh*t!

There is no way all the work in my house would get done in only 6 hours a week. That can't be right.

sashh · 02/07/2012 05:11

Pay her, with her brothers' pocket money. Oops just notice I'm not the only one who thinks like that.

I was looking after a friends three when they were 8, 10 and 14. I asked them to help clean up and the girl (middle child) agreed, the boys refuse. After we were finished I made a big show of giving her some money as a thank you.

The boys were outraged. If they had known there was money involved they would have helped. I said they shouldn't need paying and the only reason I paid the girl was because the boys refused if they had all helped noone would have got the cash.

grimbletart · 30/06/2012 14:22

I would encourage an entrepreneurial spirit in your DD if she insists on doing it i.e the boys are told they must do it by X but if they don't and your daughter does it the boys have to pay her out of their pocket money. Wink

TheSmallClanger · 30/06/2012 13:46

Would the boys pull their weight more if rewards were involved? Your DD's tidiness does have a good side, but it sounds as if they are the ones who need to raise their game.

SardineQueen · 30/06/2012 13:40

No it would really bug me, and upset me probably TBH, to see a little girl picking up after her 5 big brothers all the time like that.

I think if it were me I would

  • keep a very close eye out for her brothers asking her to do it and stopping that whenever I saw it
  • keep a very close eye on them expecting her to do it eg one makes a mess with something and then looks over at her - that's the time to say no you made the mess you deal with it
  • keep reminding her that while she is welcome to do these things if she wants to, it is not actually her job and she doesn't have to do it and no-one is expecting her to do it

Could it be that she really doesn't like mess and the boys don't deal with it quickly so she thinks she might as well do it? That is a dynamic that seems to happen a lot with grown-up couples! And would be a bit worrying to me I think.

Original poster
maytheoddsbeeverinyourfavour · 30/06/2012 12:17

I agree that the tidying is a good thing though she certainly doesn't get it from me and we do encourage that, but I think it just bugged me that even though we expect the same from all of them it only seems to have really stuck with the only girl. Though the boys aren't allowed to wiggle out of it and they all do get rewarded for doing it

I guess im reading too much into things, I must be a bit oversensitive to it Smile

OP posts:
SardineQueen · 30/06/2012 12:09

Nagoo's idea is good I think.

Telling her not to do something that she wants to do sounds like the wrong thing to do, to me anyway.

Just keep telling her that it's not her responsibility, and she shouldn't clear up their messes, or their rooms, but if she just really enjoys it then giving her a treat or reward would be a nice thing to do. And of course the boys get nowt.

Some people are just really clean and tidy I guess.

Nagoo · 30/06/2012 11:57

If she is tidy I would not discourage it, I think I would reward her, so as to encourage the boys to do their own cleaning.

I would tidy after my sisters and get pocket money for cleaning their room.

I don't know enough to say whether your DD has been indoctrinated, but at least you'd be encouraging tidy behavour.

Yama · 30/06/2012 11:45

She has been getting messages from elsewhere - her friends, adverts on the tv 'Women spend 6 hours a week doing housework' (new Cilit Bang advert), other relatives, school. It all adds up.

Others will be along with ideas as to how to tackle it. My own dd hates housework whereas my ds loves to copy his parents.