Firstly I?d like to add a disclaimer that I really, really don?t want to start a bunfight and secondly, this is an issue that I?m trying to work my way through and am genuinely struggling with feeling disturbed by some of my own views and the feeling that I?m breaking a taboo in even considering this.
Basically I was having a discussion with some female friends about the concept of motherhood and there was sorrow expressed about a mutual friend who had, for whatever reason, decided to remain childfree. There was also an argument about my use of the term ?childfree? instead of ?childless?. The main thrust of the conversation was that, it was natural to have children (agree) but that unless you have children ? you never really experience what being a woman was all about?
This was then followed up by discussion about how women were the more natural of parents and that of course, it was right that women cared more about their babies then men did and that this was entirely natural and not a social constraint placed on woman by society?s expectations.
It struck a chord with me as I remember as a teenager reading The Female Eunuch and being surprised, a little repulsed, and yet convinced by a chapter in there regarding babies or children.
It was the first time that I had come across the view that women perhaps ?overdid? the whole mother thing and that the premise for this was to give themselves value in a society that otherwise didn?t place any value on them.
I think I see this in everyday life with women feeling that it?s unacceptable not to be wholly consumed with their children, that they are somehow lesser women, lesser humans, if they do not buy into the whole idea that womanhood equals motherhood. It seems that this expectation that every woman should be a ?natural? mother and have mystical instincts puts pressure on women and forces us all to pretend that we enjoy every aspect of it and are can only be fulfilled by having a child. Any other attempts at fulfilment are compensatory in some way and women who express dissatisfaction with motherhood are somehow lesser.
It also seems, in my view, to diminish the role of men and absolve them of responsibility for childrearing to a large extent. Men are treated as incapable, not paternal, and lacking in parental instinct. Which of course, sounds sympathetic to men, but really, is this a way of the patriarchy neatly removing men from the ?minor? issue of childrearing and justifying leaving the burden to fall on women ?
I?m not attacking women for being mothers and finding it a wholly worthy occupation but do we overstate the needs of children and understate the abilities of men to carve out a meaningful niche in society or does the patriarchy do this to diminish women and fool them into thinking it?s the natural order ?
I don?t know where I?m going with this, if anywhere, but would welcome other comments to help me clarify my own thoughts.