Fifty Shades

Yes, I know what it feels like /

I do see what you mean, completely. And I also agree that the sex of the sub/dom doesn't matter.

I don't agree that it is a reenactment of rape any more than vanilla sex is though. It's often referred to as "playing" by people in the BDSM community and I guess that's what it feels like for many - sex with extra bells and whistles.

I'm glad that we can discuss this, even though, as you say, it's touchy, without getting pissed at each other.

Those things don't involve sexual violence though.

As the article says, it's neither here nor there whether the domme is being paid or not. I also don't think it really matters the sex of either the sub or the dom, it's the reenactment of something incredibly ugly that happens for real, without consent, to an awful lot of women.

I understand this is a touchy subject. Criticism of consensual sexual practices always is. I don't believe it should be off limits because of that though.

Not all female dommes are prostitutes, though, Pubes. And a lot of them do enjoy and are dommes to other women, not just men.

And really, that argument could be applied to anything. A man can do the dishes, but men are still in charge. A man can go and be a nursery nurse but men are still in charge.

That doesn't mean those things shouldn't happen.

Why have the become so popular? They're so badly written and BDSM seems like such a niche market.

I think BDSM can be healthy if you're happy in yourself. It's a difficult one though.

this is good on male subs:

When a woman is a ?domme?, she is still serving men. As Sheila Jeffreys points out in Beauty and Misogyny, male masochistic fantasies involving women are based on the amusing pretense that the power dynamic has shifted, an erotic pretense, which of course could not exist without the actual subordination of women in real life. When a man pays a prostitute to ?subordinate? him, it is clear where the real power lies. Jeffreys makes the point that a person with true power out there in the world would not need to spend her time dealing with the bodily fluids of men in exchange for cash. Whether she is a prostituted or a voluntary domme, outside of the BDSM scene nothing has altered: the man?s place in society is set in stone.

Male subs appear to be acutely aware of this fact, whereas women in the BDSM scene come across as being surprisingly ignorant of the true nature of male masochism. They seem to fall for the notion that they are powerful, when in fact their role is to cater to male sexuality. The female domme?s enjoyment is neither here nor there. If she enjoys it, all the better. If he can?t find a woman who enjoys it, well that?s what prostitutes are for.

I 'get' BDSM in as much as it turns me on. I don't think it's at all healthy though. It's fetishised sexual violence. It must be bloody awful at the moment for victims of rape and abuse with all this 50 shades of shit in their face all the time. If you can, OP I think you should tell your friends to have some sensitivity. You won't be the only one who's being triggered by this.

'venus in furs' written in the 1800's by count leopold sacher masoc ( where we get the term masocist from) gave us severin, the first known male sub, appalingly abused by his flame-haired misstress, but i'm sure even now there will be many men who would pay good money to be abused by rebbecca brooks

Yellow - spot on! It sounds so normative and of the status quo, yet women are lapping it up.

My friend loved the book and I was horrified when she told me what it was about. Its sounds shit as well. I judged her for reading tbh.

I read loads of the Black Lace books when i was younger and there was quite a few male subs in those. I first heard of them when i got a Black Lace book the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea free with a copy of New Woman. They didnt go mainstream like 50 Shades has though. (i have no interest in 50 Shades by the way.) sounds awful. Loads of my friends are reading it though and are raving about it on facebook. i will be giving it a huge swerve.

I think part of the problem with 50 Shades of Grey (apart from the fact it's appallingly badly written) is that you just can't imagine a book being so successful if it was about a male sub.

So while BDSM itself doesn't have to be an anti-feminist thing, the book to me is. Especially when it's being read by people who have no interest in the BDSM lifestyle and would find the idea of a male sub ridiculous. At that point, it does become a feminist issue for me.

if your a victim of rape i wouldnt reccomend it.

i havent read it and consequently have no opinion as to whether it's good fiction or thrash.

wickety is right, this is a BDSM novel and BDSM is consentual, the veil of the dom being the abuser is just that, a veil, the real power in any relationship, D/s or otherwise lies in 'who needs who the most'

whether you like it or not, many women (and men) have a submissive fantasy or compulsion, the 'story of O' was written by a woman as was 'the claiming of sleeping beauty' both fairly hardcore SM books.

if the idea of submission seems riduculous to you then i wouldnt reccomend it. BDSM isnt for everyone, you either get it or you dont.

it's neither inpowering or abusive, it's a fantasy.

Love the blog!

Is bollocks and crap. Not about empowerment in the slightest. Written in similar gaspy, breahtless, shite way as twilight and is very unsexy and rather worrying that it is so popular.

I've read the trilogy. I've also read 'Twilight'. Why? Because they are so bad, so appallingly written, so unbelievably shit, that I felt compelled to read them in a sort of horrific rubber necking way. I spent the whole time thinking 'Really? This is sexy? A controlling fuckwit who gets violent when crossed? WTF?!'. The cartoon sums it up nicely. And it is scary that something which supports such a dysfunctional dynamic in a relationship has become so popular amongst women. Scary, I tells ya.

Trills, that is so funny, you've made made my afternoon :)

You might find this amusing

I'm highly uncomfortable with these books. Haven't read them so I am going on what I have heard, but plan to steer well clear. In your position, I definitely would avoid.

No of course you shouldn't read unnecessary, triggering crap - that's the opposite of empowerment isn't it. Check out this article instead: radicalhub.com/2012/04/02/on-50-shades-of-grey-and-the-erotization-of-male-domination/

That's the one! Thank you Plenty.

here it is

It seems as though most women I know are reading it. I am not but have seen a witty little cartoon about it called One Shade of Grey, A Feminist Fantasy.

I can't post it as it is on my FB and I cannot work out how to not link to my page. If you want to see it PM me. It will make you smile.