do you believe in the patriarchy?

Some of them may be the result of things other than the patriarchy, but whilst we have the patriarchy over us, we can't really tell. But for the most part, I see a patriarchal influence staring back at me in every one of those things in that list.

Ecletic, you ARE a bloke, right?

Eclectic, interestingly, my father has been grey since his late 30's, IIRC. He's always embraced it. Men don't seem as scared as appearing old on the outside; it's the inside effects they hide. Because we're told men "improve" with age (look at the George Clooney, Harrison Ford worship). Women have our crows feet and grey hairs criticised at every turn.

Fuck Eats, that is depressing.

If you're interested, Porto - my advice is don't! I've coloured my hair since my blue-haired teens, so didn't notice how grey it was getting until recently, when I started developing Weird Multicoloured Patches that result from the grey hairs taking the dye differently. Now I'm faced with the very annoying challenge of dyeing my hair grey until it grows through. Nobody's invented a credible grey hair dye yet ...

Just. Don't. Start.

Frothy, just maybe some of those scenarios are not the result of patriarchy alone?

I think ageing affects people in different ways. Sure it's more socially acceptable for men to have younger women, down to evolution and social constructs but men also feel the affects of ageing, maybe more do on their effectiveness rather than appearance.

And yes, the patriarchy exists.

It exists in the fact that my mother, who worked for the council for countless years, is no longer entitled to her private pension. My father, who was the breadwinner in our household, hasn't lost a penny of his. But the patriarchy is affecting him as well, as a result, as they've always jointly managed their finances; Mum feels the pinch, and he feels the pinch too.

It exists in the fact that we're told, on a daily basis, if you're happy being single, there must be something wrong with you. Unless you're a man. Except, from what I know of my friends, it's the men who secretly fear the single life more than the women.

It exists in the fact that, so far, we've only had one female prime minister.

Or the cuts to domestic violence refuges.

Or the fact Rape Crisis receives NO central government funding.

Or the fact women are still doing the majority of the housework.

Or the fact donkey sanctuaries receive more in charitable donations than women's refuges.

Or the fact if my son's father demanded access, he'd get it, because, no matter how bad a father a man is, parental responsibility is very rarely removed. It's much easier to remove it from an incompetent mother.

Or the fact, in a year of a Literature course, we received 2, maybe 3 texts by women to read over the entire year.

Or the treatment of Ched Evans' survivor, even after he was found guilty.

Or the hoops women have to jump through to access abortion services, legal aid, or the waiting list for rape crisis counselling.

Or the fact, as of yet, only one female director has received an Oscar...

I could go on for hours. But every turn, I see the patriarchy staring back at me.

ES - what does your dad being deaf have to do with anything?

Garlic - Sadly I do think grey hair for women in their 40's is a feminist statement these days

garlic - no one in THAT particular room was making judgements based on appearances. I was just wondering to myself about perceived norms and it made me ask myself about whether I would dye MY hair and what that means...

I agree dittany

Its because our society fears old age - only youth is valued. And I think the pressure is worse on women than men

That was my point Porto. My dad is getting incredibly deaf but is in denial. It's common.

I'm always fascinated by those that buck the status quo and those that reject the messages that are being chucked at us left, right and centre. I totally get Porto's musings.

bejeezus since you ask Blue rinse is still essential for ageing blondes! It tones down the yellow (even white hair gets it). If you follow the directions, you don't actually go blue!

Though I have considered it. I had blue hair in my teens; I might regress

Goodness, in a few months I will be that unusual woman in her 40s who doesn't dye the grey bits.

Dittany - I think lots of people struggle with the idea that they don't have totally free choice and that they are discriminated against. Peopel like to feel they and others have more control than they do

Signs of ageing can for some signpost the end, like deafness or increasing fragility. Some people don't want to acknowledge that they are getting closer to death.

I am guessing she didn't have grey hair for 40 odd years...

I confess to feeling bewildered about the grey hair. If grey hair really is a feminist statement these days, things have got worse than I realised! I'm afraid I think So Fucking What - with the sole exception of a grey-haired model I used to know, whose extremely successful career was based on being both radiantly beautiful and visibly 50. But she was a model, her looks are the point.

More interesting to wonder why the other 40-odd delegates were men, perhaps?

Btw, I'm not dismissing the beauty imperative. I worked in advertising, where I had to put up with people gushing daily about how I didn't look my age. (I always said I did, since I look the way I look and am the age I am!) It's a vexing topic for sure. I just didn't get the impression that such shallow values were as much of an issue in Porto's scenario. I assume she is respected because her work is good; end of. In fact, if the ratio of 40/1 is typical of her industry, she probably has to be the very best to maintain her position ... that's the pressing problem, imo.

I'm also waffling, Porto, am too tired to compose elegant posts, please forgive.

Dittany, I haven't seen one post denying partriarchy, only trying to frame it in context.