"You're not like a rape victim"

I tried to say what piprabbit said, but mine was obviously a bit lamer.

Ok I never post in this section, but wanted to
add my thoughts if that's ok.

I think as someone said up thread that there is a certain stereotype expected to be abused or raped.

I think in adults it's definately the expectation that your life is ruled by it, I say this from being abused for nearly ten years by my uncle, from the ate of three to thirteen. It took me until I was 22 to go to the police, one of my relatives who stuck by my uncle said I would never win in court because I was too confident and mouthy and no one would believe I'd been abused.

They didn't see the teenage years where cutting myself and thinking of taking my own life was the norm.
Now I am definately the mouthy, confident strong person, but one whO was abused.

He pleaded guilty in the end so it was irrelevant anyway.

I think that when rape is portrayed in TV and film fiction, the woman is frequently shown as crumbling in the aftermath. The rape is shown to be the single most important part of her story and everything about the programme/film is filtered through the woman's experience as a rape victim. There is often little attempt to show her as a fully rounded character who is surviving and living her life.

So when people think about rape victims they imagine those women they have seen on TV, who cease to be able to function emotionally and socially. Then they look at the real life woman they are talking to, they see she is working, raising her children, chatting and laughing. Their limited exposure to rape in the media tells them that rape victims are destroyed by the experience, they see that the real woman has not been destroyed so ipso facto she cannot be a rape victim.

Then they assume that they have never met a rape victim (well, you'd be able to spot one a mile off, wouldn't you ), so they think that there must be something different about a woman has been raped. And that is just a short step to thinking that maybe she did something to bring it on herself.

Yeah, I know what you mean. It bears repeating IMO and I wouldn't want someone to read this and think I was knocking them for believing these things.

Yes I did realise you meant that LRD and I agree with you. More a comment on some posts/comments I have seen in the past. Although I didn't see the recent thread.

What I mean is, when I'm saying it's ludicrous rape myths exist (and it is, because they are logically very absurd) - I'm not saying 'oh, what idiots people are to believe that!'. I'm saying, isn't it awful that the conditioning is so strong, that we've been convinced of something so ridiculous.

You're right. What makes me angry isn't so much a mum trying to work out how best to look after her daughter and telling her she'll be ok if she never walks home alone (though that is sad too because we know it doesn't work). What makes me angry is a whole society geared up to propagate these myths and lay all the blame on the victims when we should be blaming the rapists and banding together to do that.

Yes it is ludicrous. But I always feel uncomfortable if feminists treat people who believe rape myths as idiots. I don't mean the kind of comments Cailin referred to - he was an idiot. But the idea that women make themselves more vulnerable to rape by say getting drunk.

It is such a common belief and we are conditioned and often taught to think that.

That's true. I guess I should say, it's ludicrous when you drop the social conditioning and think about it!

And Cailin, that is awful. I have heard that attitude before - although not for years and not from friends. Can understand why he is now an ex friend.

Society does feed us these myths though. So especially for someone who hasn't really questioned stuff like this through feminism, I can understand why it is so hard for them to get their head round.

I must either have blanked that thread from my memory or somehow avoided seeing it - but there are always people who go in and challenge.

The absurdity of trying to define what a rape victim might look like maybe helps to get away from rape myths too. It is just ludicrous when you stop to think for more than a minute.

LRD - sadly the thread ran and ran until it was full. THe good thing was there was a troup of MNetters who would not allow the rape myths to lie. But a few dissenters who insisted that you could make yourself 'vulnerable' to rape. Victim blaming at it's very worst.

eats - yes, I agree, very mainstream. But slowly, I hope, changing.

cailin that just leaves me openmouthed. Awful.

I got you LRD don't worry.

Oops! Obviously cross-posted about the nasty thread and the amazing RTN women.

A "friend" of mine (male) said that women were "committing sexual assault" by wearing short skirts, implying that they were the ones in the wrong if they were skimpily dressed and someone "got the wrong idea" and raped them. He was totally serious. Needless to say he's not a friend any more.

Cailin, that is great.

LRD - I actually think attitudes like that are really really mainstream and need just to be challenged. In fact I am pretty sure as a student the police gave us safety advice that was all about not making yourself vulnerable to attack and rape in particular. It is seen by some as crime prevention behaviour.

They were all amazing.

I feel so lucky I got to go march with some fantastic women like that.

Yeah it was an awful thread, there was one poster in particular who was really nasty.

running - that sounds like a really horrible thread. I hope it's been deleted.

A surefire sign of idiotic misogyny is when you have to make language say something that is self-contradicting to get your point across - you can't make yourself vulnerable!

I'm not sure where this one is from but it's very effective

No I didn't. That sounds great!

I saw those pictures LRD, very affecting.

eats, did you go to London RTN last year? There are some fantastic pictures of women carrying exactly those placards there. Very brave.