Need some advice re. internal examination at Drs

Oh I didn't know that. I thought they had to at least at the end to see how dilated you are? How interesting, thanks. Will look at the thread.

Kalidasa, midwifes don't have to do any internal examinations. As with everything in birth, there's reasons for and against, but there is no compulsion. There was a thread over in pregnancy this week with people who didn't have any. It was something that really worried me when I got pregnant too so really helped to know I could say no to internals. I'm not planning on having any unless I choose to.

I have similar fears after bad experiences as a child (not abusive, just very distressing) and couldn't have sex/use tampons at all for years due to pain. I have never had a smear test, though I am now pregnant and recently managed an internal ultrasound OK. I am also just small down there which doesn't help. This thread is really helpful though. I am slightly dreading when midwives have to start doing this sort of examination, but I feel more confident after reading this that I can explain that I am very nervous. Hope OP also feels reassured.

www.pandys.org/quickinfocards.html

Hi, this is a link to a website that might help - they are cards that you can print out and give to medics in exactly this situation so that they are aware of your fears but you haven't got to explain it to them

www.pandys.org/quickinfocards.html

Sorry, on iPhone so don't know if that link will work, but if not, maybe you can cut and paste?

Don't know if you've been yet - but you can request a female doctor, you don't have to say a reason why, or explain anything to the receptionist.

I did so just two weeks ago - there's no way I'm chatting to my GP about contraceptive etc, he is THE biggest gossip in the world.

Hope it all goes ok for you.

You can ask to insert the speculum yourself do they will just do the retrieving bit.

You can ask for a female nurse.

My situation is different, but I had a terrible smear when I was younger - I allowed a trainee to have a go, and she did it incredibly painfully, I was left bleeding heavily, in pain and shaking afterwards.

Next time I came to have one (different surgery obv) I requested someone with lots of experience, a female and said that I was very tense and nervous as I had had a bad experience and she went v carefully (as you would hope they always would!) and didn't talk to me (I don't want to know what's going on!).

I've also had to do this with blood tests as I was once left with heavy bruising all up my arm after a Dr poked around for ages.

I think I may have been rather unlucky with medical procedures.

But my point is, if you request something, they will almost always bend over backwards to help, especially in the area of female medicine.

How you getting on justneed? Did you call today?

My practise have tried three times to do a smear, I was too tense, but since I haven't had sex for 18months, I was just asked to sign a letter, saying I was choosing not to have it done. Last attempt I had valium for three days before....

I'm a doctor and we wouldn't bat an eyelid at anyone asking for a woman doctor/nurse. You certainly don't need to explain to anyone, but I wonder if it would help you to write down (it means you won't do what I would do in difficult situations and burst into tears and not manage to say what I wanted to say!) that you are very nervous and might not manage all of the examination (whether or not you add why) and give that note to them before they start to make you feel more comfortable about it and to give you a bit more confidence about getting up and leaving if you want to.

Hi. I agree with Beachcomber, especially re suppport.

I actually work in a gynaecological department in a hospital. No one will question why you want a female. It is very common. I only allow females to examine me and I have never been questioned why.

So sorry to hear or your past experience justneed .

I agree with what everyone else has said and I think AliceHurled's point about being able to leave whenever you want to, being really important. If you feel you can explain that to them, it will give you control and security and will also communicate to them how important this issue is for you. It will tell them that it isn't just nerves without having to go into specifics.

I have a friend that I accompanied in a similar situation to yours - she had to leave her first appointment without getting the smear done, but got in done in the second. The staff were really understanding and didn't pressure her at all - they congratulated her on coming at all.

Good luck sweetie. Keep talking here, the support is amazing.

You could maybe say it's 'for personal reasons' that you're nervous, justneed. Hints at it being more than the standard nerves without you having to say anything at all that makes you uncomfortable.

Routine smears aren't typically done by a doctor, so don't be surprised if the receptionist says it'll be a nurse.

I've requested a female doctor when I've had some unexplained bleeding and needed to be examined - with a routine smear you'd have to be relatively unlucky to get a guy anyway as it's usually done by the practice nurse and the nurse is more likely to be female. But absolutely you can request a female healthcare professional, you can request a chaperone and you can have a large gin and tonic beforehand if you need one. (That isn't exactly medical advice but if it helps, and you're not driving, why not?)

Smears aren't fun but you can do this for the sake of your overall health. And once it's over, you might want to get some support for the horrible thing you've been through. The examinations connected with the birth may not have seemed so bad because they seemed more immediately necessarily? The routine smear feels a bit more optional (although it isn't really) and your brain is less focused on what's needed for the baby's sake.

Once I knew I could back out at anytime, it became easier. I didn't need to back out because I knew I could,

I'm pretty sure that if it's going to be done by a male doctor they have to have a female nurse/assistant in with them, that's certainly been the case whenever I've been for tests etc. But there's no reason at all why you can't ask for a female and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone.

I'm so sorry for what happened to you, disgusting that someone would abuse your trust like that even more so in their position. Something vaguely similar happened to me the first time I had a professional massage. The massuse was clearly 'aroused' and kept leaning his 'bits' on me. I quickly made my excuses and left. This was in a residential crisis centre for mental health problems! I really wish I'd reported it but I started to doubt myself... Anyway that's another story.

There is a theory I am interested in that says you start to recall regressed memories of trauma etc once you're ready to deal with them, do you think this could be the case? Perhaps now is the time to find someone to talk it through with.

I think you're incredibly brave and pro-active even considering continuing to go for smear tests after what you've been through. It's of course the right and sensible thing to do but I think a lot of people wouldn't be able to see it that way.

Hope things turn out OK and you manage to lay this to rest in some way

None of us want to. For some of us it's more difficult though, and the dr's surgery (if they are doing their job properly) will be very mindful of that.

If you are not comfortable when you make your request, switch surgery or ring a sexual health clinic and see if they do routine smears in your area. I imagine the clinics that specialise in this area may have a higher proprtion of very nervous clients.

You don't need to say you're nervous, even - just ask for a female doctor. They won't ask why and it won't be an issue.

If you want to make an appointment beforehand with the practice nurse to talk through your concerns, you can do this as well, you don't have to be ill. Legally now a chaperone is (I think) required, I know at my surgery there are no female doctors and when I last had one, the nurse came in with me.

You can also bring your own chaperone, your mum or sister or a female friend if there is someone you trust enough to talk to. She doesn't have to wait outside if you prefer her to come in with you.

If you say to the receptionist that you would like a female doctor they will not question you on why, it wont be a problem getting a female doctor.

so

hello there

You only need to state you want a female doctor/nurse to do the procedure, you won't have to explain why (unless you want to, of course)

I am very sorry for your difficulties in this very important area of women's health. Please don't put it off any longer. Could you take a (understanding) friend with you, to wait outside you can have a wibble with her afterwards ?