To all those people who have an issue with trans people - please read this

enim - Yes you are right! And it totally misrepresents the vast range of TS people and the variety of their desires, beliefs and life choices.

droves - I think I am closest to radical feminism and from your description I would be at the lower end of feminism. Ime it really is a very few extremists who say and think stuff like that

Sorry droves you did say your son was 12. I think at this age your son should have a say in what he calls his father. Don't know if it is possible, but I always think it is helpful if children can meet other children in similar situations.

Wasn't originally my point ...I borrowed it from another poster , but like i said I do find it intresting ....and the best way to learn is to ask questions . Feminism , I find does also have differing views on what it is too . Your right . I tend to think of it as a sliding scale of feminism , with myself somewhere on the lower end . (more of the nothing a man can do that a woman can't except pee standing up kind of feminism , less of the all men are pigs and need kept like pets for breeding iykwim { very tongue in cheek } )

droves - I think this is is one of those subjedcts you have to decide for yourself - there is no "right" answer in that sense. Although I agree with your analysis from a feminist viewpoint.

No being Trans does not excuse DV or any other poor behaviour. And plenty of people struggle with poor starts n life and still manage to not be violent, so that is not an excuse either.

I think as women we are brought up to be sympathetic to others plights and this can make us excuse or pity people who are struggling with stuff like a poor early start to life when we really shouldn't.

In terms of what you tell your children, I think this probably needs to be negotiated with your ex. Sorry I don't know how old your children are but depending on their age, they should have a say too in what they call your ex.

I totally unfderstand that it was a deal breaker that your ex hadn't told you they were Trans. Some biological women do have relationships happily with Trans people, but this should be a choice, not forced on you as it were.
Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time.

Droves, your point about trans community being divided on trans. This is a feminist board divided by differing views of what feminism is. It's a shame, maybe an equality board would be better for everyone, as it wouldn't be acceptable on such a board to denigrate anyone.

Unpleasant and aggressive? You're kidding me.

Eats - when someone posts round here offensive and inaccurate stuff we should all challenge it. Nothing more than that. It's fairly 'blatant' to a lot of people that 'hit and hide' is a tiresome tactic.

Alameda - MNHQ will simply say report individual posts. IME they ignore stuff like this.

Hmm I see what your saying , but regardless how or where I look at information on the trans subject , it's always going to be an emotional subject .

Because I loved him , I have children with him , and they are asking questions and I don't know really what to tell them . I would like to know what to describe him as , how to explain it to my 12 year old son more than anything I suppose. I do not want my son to question his masculinity or my daughters to question their femininity ,because of shock about their father .

Loads of questions in my mind ...main one is if ex did have a full sex change at some point would he still be their father ? Or another mother .

Partly , if I'm honest , I have a level of sympathy for my ex ,that he does not deserve . He has had a troubled life . I'm just trying to work out how much is due to him being an unhappy trans ( v or s? ) or being an arsehole.

The fact I suffered dv at his hands is not excused by his trans .
I think violence is violence regardless of who lashes out , or what state of being they are in . Perhaps this will explain some of my earlier posts , which I think some may have judged as phobic.

As strange as it may seem it was the fact he didn't tell me he was trans that killed our relationship . Out of all the things that happened , he didn't give me the choice to be with him knowing what he was.It was his fear of rejection that destroyed it before it started . Not mine .

I cannot look away from the feminist angle , as I think I do lean toward that way of thinking . I might not agree with everything posted on the radfems , but a lot of it I agree with.

Female isn't about what you wear , to me it's a triad of elements ,biology on a genetic level ,thinking and experience . So whilst I have have sympathy for trans who are suffering oppression or hatred because of who they are I don't actually think that are the same as born females , because we didn't choose the bodies in which we live and we still get oppressed and abused.
That doesn't mean I don't think they should have rights and supporting laws , just that it shouldn't over ride those protecting born women. ( hard to explain)

Interesting to learn that the trans community themselves are divided on whole trans issues themselves . They don't even agree themselves on what it is ( in some ways ).

I'm beginning to think this is one of these subjects where there will never be clear answers .

oh bless - but when you 'slur' and attack other people, plaintive 'pleas' are utterly inauthentic

Posts like this do nothing to advance the discussion. They are personal attacks. Are you getting a kick out of singling Dittany out and attacking her, Pan? It certainly looks like you are. And yet there you are complaining that these discussions generate more heat than light.

enim - I find it strange as well that they wouldn't want surgery. But I think it is important that people understand that most Trans people do not have genital surgery and some Trans people do not take hormones.

The documentaries on tv about Trans people always feature surgery, so actually I think most people are clueless about this reality.

Why do MNHQ allow these trolls and their sock puppets to gang up on Dittany?

It's gangs of feminists who roam the streets shouting abuse at gay men, trans people and those who cross dress. It's what we do instead of crochet.

Hmm - I have met perfectly reasonable Trans people and have said this many times on the FWR board. But in my personal experience the Trans people fighting to access vulnerable womens spaces are not the reasonable Trans peopel. Should we roll over and let these individuals access anywhere they want to because there are some nice and reasonable Trans people?

enimmead

it is just really weird to claim to speak for a community you don't actually belong to, no matter how many members of that commmunity you might know

i know many lesbians but i would not dream of appropriating their life experiences, and claiming to speak for them on some chatboard. it just seems really entitled and creepy and arrogant and wrong.

i can accept that you are possibly acting in good faith, and mean well, but maybe you can make your posts without resporting to being anyone's spokesperson when you really don't have that right or capacity

Yes. Because we're all just like neo nazis for wanting to talk about rape experiences without a penis in the room.

Same can be said about men. But you'd be forgiven for thinking that all men want to control and abuse all women reading the FWR boards.

There is a complete inability to treat people as individuals here. Its just about trying to find the best fit and then lumping every stereotype going on them as it suits the political agenda.

I know three trans people. Two are nice. One I do not wish to ever share a meal with again. But I know I could say the same about feminists (including rad fems) and men.

Its a fundamental problem of the FWR section tbh. All too often people want to reinforce stereotypes rather than challenge them or question them. I think this obsession means we falls to address the real problems because we focus on the wrong thing as we want to put everyone into nice neat boxes.

Yes most Trans people want hormones. And most Trans people do not have genital surgery.

Pan - It is blatantly obvious to everyone else that you are determined to have a go at Dittany on every thread. It is getting really really obvious that you have a personal grudge.