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Original poster

Quitting my job, moving to suburbs, having a 2nd kid… help save me from becoming a Stepford Wife!

55 replies

SkaterGrrrrl · 04/06/2012 18:44

Ok now that my flippant thread title has your attention, let me back-pedal a bit! I don?t think SAHMs / women who live outside cities / mothers of two are Stepford Wives. But I am a bit worried about this move and what it will mean for my career and my sense of self as a person and a feminist.

A friend pointed out to me that this is a good move for my family, my husband and for SkaterGrrrl-the-Mother, but advised me to make sure I hold onto SkaterGrrrl the person.

What I am asking for is advice on how retain a bit of the old me, despite the big change in my circumstances and my life becoming more centred on home and family.

OP posts:
catsrus · 05/06/2012 01:22

Sooty skater. - but as I said, no regrets at all about the decision, it was definitely right for the dcs, and I've loved having the space and seeing stars at night not streetlights - but go into it with eyes wide open and strategies for coping :)

Himalaya · 04/06/2012 22:49

Skatergrrrrl -

I made that move (although self employed/work from home).

The burbs can be great for bringing up kids. I do love it in many ways, but I do also see the pattern where it cuts women off from the action of city life - and it is a bit stepfordy. Days go by where no one talks of anything else but extension building and school places.

I think if you are going to be there you have to embrace it a bit - find friends and kindred spirits, don't just live on the Internet. Even amongst the most matchy-matchy houses you find funny and feisty women.

Keep your links to London alive - it can be great to have a "good excuse" like a course which means you will be in London one day: night a week regularly, or some ongoing freelance work that gets you back without a daily commute (... And that means you and your DH get into the habit e.g. of him having to leave work early one day a week because of your course),

Think about what you will do in the longer term - the thing about the suburbs is it is hard to go back, so if the commute is a no-go for you think about other options - freelancing, finding more local work etc...

That said, enjoy it, and don't despair it isn't the end of life as you know it!

Also - don't be shocked at the lack of public services. For under 5s it is all church hall groups and NCT in many places.

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 04/06/2012 19:36

Catsrus that is just what I was hoping to hear, in fact I felt my shoulders drop 2 inches reading your post.

Right, will cyberstalk befriend like-minded people online (the Mumsnet feminist section already feels like my community) and keep my CV ticking over as I am certain I want to go back to work when the kids are a bit bigger.

I am focusing on the positives (we can afford a house with a garden, closer to grandparents, brilliant schools etc) - but part of me still feels a bit wary about giving up so much that is important to me; particularly my support network of amazing female friends and my lovely job as the commute is out of the question.

I have ties to a charity already where I think I will be able to do some writing/editing stuff from home so will try line that up.

OP posts:
catsrus · 04/06/2012 19:05

The internet will be your lifeline Grin

We moved to quiet-place-outside-of-London, def Stepford wives territory, when I went to the NCT coffee mornings (I know, I know) all the interiors of all the houses were identical, and they all had china cabinets with glass fronts, and cream carpets and small children.... it was like being in an alternate reality Confused. They thought I was very odd because I wasn't Mrs HisName.

On the plus side my kids have loved it, we have space, huge garden and it's not that long a journey to get back up to London to see friends.

Definitely do things to keep your CV up to date - I spent 10 yrs juggling children and bits of a career / studying before getting back to work seriously. Now can support myself and offspring, useful as himself went off with a younger model :)

Friends online definitely kept me sane, I've belonged to one online women's group for 18 yrs (yes the internet was invented then!). I really don't regret leaving London, but life is very different here.

Original poster
SkaterGrrrrl · 04/06/2012 18:45

For example in London I go to a feminist book group, so maybe I should look out for one in my new neighbourhood (or start one). Or volunteer for a charity to keep my CV alive (don?t know how realistic this is with a toddler and a newborn who will arrive within 3 months of moving).

Anyone been there, done that and can tell me I'm worrying about nothing? Or pass me a biscuit & tell me to stop naval gazing?

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