Only now that I am pregnant do I realise how much – and how routinely - women are discouraged to eat!

Why does that matter? But as I said in my post, my Dad.

I think that men though maybenow tend to get less comment on their weight whether fat or thin or in between. They can also get away (IME) with wearing less revealing clothes. I've always been criticised for wearing baggy clothes and lots of layers where as my brothers aren't, nor are they encouraged to 'show of their figure'.

i agree but this is also an example of how the patriarchy damages men too - it is very hard for a man to watch his weight without ridicule.
my dh and i are similar body types prone to overweight but sporty and keeping it almost in control (we're both about a stone over our ideal weight but not unhealthily fat) - however i find more support from society in trying to control my weight than he does.

[note, i'm not arguing that this is a good thing, it's not, it just works for me right now]

umm, I thought this op was going to say the opposite.

I dread being pregnant and having smug git friends tell me off for eating anything 'not allowed'.

Very true Abigail - I should remember this. I'm also BF (albeit not that often anymore since DS2 weaned and DD is 3) that worries all my family in case I'm not getting enough food, nutrients or am tiring myself out (whatever that means, I get more leep at the moment than I have since having DS1 6 years ago) .
On the energy output side I think people underestimate women's energy output - as a mother I still carry DD in a sling and am running up and down stairs so use a lot of energy, in my job prior to SAHMing I did lots of lifting and carrying of compost bags/slate/gravel etc sp would have needed more energy than someone working behind a desk.
Something I think is linked but can't work out how at the mo is in the strength thing. People are always shocked at how strong I am 'for my size' I wonder how much of that is that I was never taught I was weak physically whereas many women seem to assume they won't be able to lift stuff (or whatever example you want to use)

Oh yes I've seen this. I've always eaten plenty anyway and conversations about denying yourself food to be 'good' haven't been a part of my world. Until now. People repeatedly tell me to make the most of it as its the one tine you can eat what you want . The midwife even praised me for having been 'good' before pregnancy when discussing my BMI. I hate the way this self denial seems to normalised.

I think your situation WoTmania occurs because it is everyone else's business what women eat.

Absolutely agree! I am not pregnant but breastfeeding (so starving all. the. time.). My Dad commented the other day that I had had more dinner than him (in a shocked way). It was only cottage pie and veg btw. Derrr. Yes. And I have still lost 15lbs since having DC2 so clearly I am not eating enough!

Women are not supposed to eat more than men. Ever. No matter what their output.

I generally agree with you, but think there is a certain double standard. As a relatively slim woman who suffered from EDs in her teens my family are always pushing me to eat more (I'm a healthy 8st4/5 and 5ft2.5) and often find certain women of my aquaintance push me into eating more - usually the ones who tell me I'm 'lucky' to be slim.
Anecdotally though it seems I'm in the minority - many of my friends have experienced the same as you and then had lots of pressure to lose the weight afterwards.