Only now that I am pregnant do I realise how much – and how routinely - women are discouraged to eat!

I think women are listening very hard to the messages about staying slim. They're just failing to do so and feeling shit about it.

There's a direct correlation between how obsessive the message about not eating is and how fat the population is.

No co-incidence at all that in the USA, the biggest female stars are those whose body fat % is so low that some of them can't possibly be menstruating, while the general population has the highest % of overweight people and an astounding number of really, really shockingly obese people.

The contradictions between what you see on TV and what you see on the street, are amazingly stark.

British women are getting bigger and heavier. If we are being told not to eat (which I don't accept) it seems not many of us are taking any notice.

Kim - they also feel they have a right to accuse of not eating properly when you are slim.

As i said i think women are listening but they listen to the 'diet industry' and diets on the whole don't work longterm.

Kim - I ignore them or if I'm going to be eating round there I have a smaller breakfast or lunch so i'm really hungry and can eat more (my mum is a really good cook and will do a big family meal with 2 puds).
With regards clothing and size comments I also ignore or tell them that I feel more confident and comfortable in the clothes I'm wearing. My mum is loads better about it. I have to tell them the same about my hair (I really do feel more comfortable how it is now so would they please shut up).

'society definitely tells women to eat like birds'

"Given that the average woman is a size 14, women don't appear to be listening to society."

OR, they could be a size 14 because trying to eat like a bird makes you bloody starving and messes up your relationship with apetite and your body's needs???

Morello - but so many of them are on diets. I don't think it's a co-incidence that the USA (just as an example) which has the biggest diet food industry also has the biggest problem with obesity.

Not saying BTW that All my friends and family are like this. Some aren't bothered and don't notice at all.
People tend to comment on appearance a lot full stop though don't they? I got told once that I was 'quite fit for a ginger' and of course he was such a looker! Currently my mode of dress (scruffy) is over shadowed by my hair which my parents hate.

'society definitely tells women to eat like birds'

Given that the average woman is a size 14, women don't appear to be listening to society.

Kim - lots of people: my family, random blokes on the pub who tell me I should show off my figure more (I've always been very WTF? about that particular gem) my lovely friends encourage me to eat (the assumption seems to be that I can eat whatever I like and am naturally slim) my mum and grandmother also are always trying to get me to have little bit more to eat. However, if I put on weight I'm sure they would all start to tell me to eat less. I don't think you can win really.

Kim are you dressed today? Did you brush your hair? Do you ever cut your hair? Did you get out of a bed? Did you drive anywhere and abide by the usual road rules? Or did you walk somewhere and adopt a pretty similar walking style to everyone else, perhaps even avoiding bumping into anyone? Have you used any language today to communicate with others? Have you eaten any food? Drunk anything? Have you looked at the time? Have you thought about the date?

Why did you do any of these things in a pretty similar way to other people? Do we all coincidentally behave in rather similar ways because the idea just sprang into our mind from the ether? Or perhaps there's a thing called society that influences us.

I also don't give much of a shit about the eating messages. That doesn't mean I can't see that they exist. Or that I am somehow separate from society.

I'm willing to bet that you don't entirely, Kim. It is almost impossible to ignore all of society's messages. You don't live in a vacuum.

I also think that, if men do get big, other men will tease them about it, but there's no judgement involved. When women are told they are overweight they hear 'you are a failure. You are greedy, you are unattractive and you are less of a woman'. Men just hear 'you need to go for a run'

How do you ignore society, Kim?

i'm with you alice, society definitely tells women to eat like birds, and men to eat 'like a man'.

it's bad for both genders in the end, as women who can eat more and stay slim enough are encouraged not to, and men who could do with cutting down are encouraged not to.

crazy f'd up word we live in

I don't do placing things at the doors of individuals Kim. I do a bit of structural feminist analysis. So the 'who' is 'people who live in our patriarchal society'. It's culture. It's society. I don't buy into the neoliberal bullshit that we are all individuals in a vacuum and therefore locate issues with the individual.

Ah yes the the idealism of youth. I think most girls think they'll ignore the inequality till it comes along and shits on them from a great height.

Really Kim? This really doesn't resonate with you and needs explaining? You don't see magazines, adverts, tv programmes, hear conversations. You've never been sat at the dinner table and seen the larger portions for the men come out. It's been said to me pretty much daily since being pregnant by anyone who I have any conversation with about food (which is pretty often when you're pregnant).

Funnily enough, I noticed on the Metro this morning a headline about telling pregnant women to diet. Not read it, as I don't want to sully my hands, but I guess we must be doing it wrong again.

Kim - I think a fair few of us understand that principle, (sticking to it is slightly harder), but well done to you and your will of iron,