I don't appear to have the typical female experience I'd be interested in what some of you have to say

That's what I thought.

But now I am not sure.

Why on earth would we laugh and point? That is quite rude to us hathor.

A feminist is someone who believes in equality for women, doesn't think that it has been achieved and wants to do something about it. Personally I would also say they have to be willing to look at things from a feminist angle and not dismiss them as just being the way things are. And I would also say that you would have to believe in women having complete autonomy over our own bodies.

I think it originally meant someone who wanted men and women to be equals in society, and to have the same choices. I don't know what it means now - different things to different people I guess.

I have a question.

You can all laugh and point.

What is a feminist?

I know I'm probably not making much sense, but as much as I agree with many of the tenets (as I see them) of feminism that are based on equality, I fail epically with the fact that I have to rationalise my experience in a particular way to be a feminist.

Maybe it is something to do with me, something in my thinking that is out of kilter. I honestly don't know.

Feminists don't tell women how to respond to trauma hathor. How you feel and respond is entirely up to you. We can analyse why that trauma may have happened in the context of society as it stands today i.e. from a feminist perspective. You, of course can have a different view. That is very different from telling you how to think and definitely different from telling you how you feel.

Personally I think a feminist perspective can help deal with trauma such as rape and domestic abuse. But I can understand why you wouldn't relate to that or disagree.

Equally though I am not sure why you started this thread if you don't want a feminist perspective. You could have put it in chat or anywhere on the rest of the internet. I am not saying don't post here, only that when you do, you will get views from a feminist angle.

ok, tentative post here.
I get what you're saying about being 'you' rather than a woman. I feel like me first and foremost too, but have many experiences of where people don't seem to see 'me' and treat me in accordance with their perceived idea of what a woman is. It isn't about how I see myself, it's more about having others views imposed on me. Recognizing the patterns is the beginning of being able to start changing them.
That's why I've found feminism important, as something that is making a bit more space for women to be themselves rather than just 'women'.
Your experience may differ wildly and your viewpoint is your own 100% and you have every right to refuse to allow it to be appropriated in a way you disagree with. I haven't found feminists to put me in a group whether I like it or not, I've found non-feminists do it and I've found feminism to be the way of fighting back against that. But that is just my personal experience.

Damn. Pressed post too soon.

But when I got angry and upset I was patted on the head, figuratively, and told "i really hope you can get some help processing what happened to you and moving forward with less anger and defensiveness."

And another thing.

Chibi got upset and railed at me on this thread and then left. I got told, basically that I hated women, was trying to distance myself from women and that I had posted "hateful bullshit" and that I was "shitty" and "aggressive" and called a twat.

I also got told I couldn't know what women who had been assaulted felt like. That's untrue. I know how I felt. I just don't subscribe to the view that it is particularly a feminist issue.

As I said, my ex's family as a group are horrible, including the women, who in many ways were and are worse than the men.

But they're women. So pardon me if I don't want to put myself in a group that would include people like them whether I like it or not.

It should expand.

Yes. But I don't see it like that.

Therefore, are my feelings less valid, or should the ideas of the feminists expand to include me?

Perhaps because feminists (certainly many in here, which is about the limit of my experience) are fighting against a common enemy. In any battle - and that is what it is - there is 'them' and there is 'us'. There is no 'other', and by virtue of your genitalia and chromosomes, you are lumped in with the 'us'. For many people in here, this is a black and white issue.

Why does it have to be a feminist viewpoint? Why can't it just be?

Why do I have to accept that I'm in a group whether I like it or not?

These feminists who are putting me in this group, who gave them permission to do this to me?

It's just like the patriarchy. Only it's women doing it.

You are xyz because we say so.

I think I see your point hathor. Only you have the right to define your experience and your definition is as valid as anyone else's.

I have never experienced what you went through, or the awful experiences that other posters have been through.

I realise I have had a pretty lucky existence to date. If I'm totally honest, my own personal experience is of harm caused mainly by women. Nothing serious or violent at all, but minor judgmental nastiness, bullying, casual racism, casual 'anti-lone parent' stuff. I think of myself as a feminist but I don't necessarily relate to a 'typical' female shared experience. Perhaps, in my case, it's to do with belonging to a range of other minority groups too? I don't really feel that I am defined by any of them. That might be why the 'feminism trumps all' view sits so uncomfortably with me. Not entirely sure tbh. Like you, this is a new area for me.

Please keep posting. Your posts are thought-provoking, which is a good thing.

I just feel that I have been put in a box and lumped into a group that I'm not comfortable in and that I didn't ask for.

And I feel that is treating me as though my views are of lesser importance.

Why aren't there feminist viewpoints?

There are :-)

I don't know samandi just I was on another thread and those things were pointed out as the typical female experience that women would want to share with other women - I haven't had them and I don't feel the need to share with other women, so I was just wondering was I odd.

No, you're not odd because you don't want to share "typical female experiences" with other women. Many women don't want to either, but of course because they're not sharing you won't hear as much about them.

I don't know.

So, why is there 'a' feminist viewpoint? Why aren't there feminist viewpoints?

Actually, not that I don't have a typical or atypical female experience, but that my reaction to my experiences does not sit easily with the feminist viewpoint.

Thank you

I have a feeling that my thread title was right and I don't have the typical female experience. And that my views don't really square with feminism.

Yes, you are explaining yourself very clearly.

Sorry. That was mean to be helpyourself

Sort of helpyourself and also, because I don't feel my experience was because I was female - then how dare anyone else say I'm wrong and it is? I am entitled to my opinion. And for anyone else to say "you are a fully paid up member of the GFKAW" and "so sorry but you're in the sisterhood whether you choose to ignore us or not" that is diminishing my views and ignoring my opinion and it's wrong.

Just as it would be wrong if I said to someone who felt differently "whether you like it or not it's xyz"

Am I explaining myself?

Hathor, I think you are coming up against the brick wall that separates feminism from most other political movements. In some ways, it reminds me more of a religious movement. Within Christianity for example, there are those who have more radical beliefs, and those who have less. It is quite easy to upset those of a more radical stance if you don't buy into the whole set of core values, and this can result in quite vicious attacks from those who feel you are attacking their beliefs. That is what has happened here, but you shouldn't let it put you off exploring the questions and beliefs you began the thread with. There are a lot of good posters here.
I can't add anything as to what happened to you, because as a man I don't think I could fully understand it, and any sympathies may just sound like empty words. However, I don't think it is what you came here to discuss. Please keep posting - your perspective is interesting.