SAHM of boys

sahm to four boys and one girl here, the rule in our house is we ALL make the mess and we ALL help clear up!

so my boys help, they can now hoover, wash up, cook, tidy, sort laundry etc, i have got them involved in these things from a young age!

my dp works crazy hours as well so yes i do the bulk of the housework but when he is at home he pitches in and cooks, does laundry, hoovers etc.

they are never too young to help even if it is a bit of a pita at times! my 16mth old will help tidy toys or put socks into the sock box when i am sorting laundry, she also messes up my tidy folded piles, but the ideas are there!

OP - maybe your child said that because that is he sees - his mum stays home and his dad goes to work. Not that all people do that, but just that's what he's used to.

For example, my DS (aged 2 years 2 months) points and buses or trains and says, "man drive" it doesn't mean that women can't/don't drive, just that the few times we've been on a bus or a train it happened to be driven by a male.

I don't think that being a SAHM of boys (or girls!) gives them a warped view of women. I myself am a SAHM and hope to raise a well-rounded family by educating them on what is happening in the world around them, in our communities and through putting good role models in their lives.

I am agog at the guff Nicolebaby (think that was the name!) came off with. Talk about falling for the capitalist trap. Am ignoring that totally.

My ex (and his older brother) were both brought up by a SAHM. The older brother is very thoughtful and educated about feminism presumably because he is very open minded and studied philosophy. The younger brother is a closed minded douche who told me when I was 'late' that there was no way I would be allowed to abort and would be expected to be a SAHM and BF because that's what mothers are supposed to do. Pleased to get THAT period!

If it was not for the older brother educating himself on feminist issues, he would probably be the same as his sibling because their parents and involved grandparents were very traditional and told them that was the way things worked.

I think as long as you speak to them from time to time it should be fine. Maybe some more "deep" conversations as they get older.

' long enough'

Back to the topic... My DP and my Dbro grew up with a SAHM and have very healthy attitudes towards women, so I don't think that being a SAHM is a bad example to set your sons. Saying "mummies do cooking and cleaning and daddies go to work" They are just observing their experience of life so far, as they get older they will observe different roles in different families, and maybe in their own. :)

I think some of it just comes from general conversations - my mum was a SAHM and a staunch feminist, I very much doubt my brother has absorbed the idea that women stay at home and men go out to work, even though that was what he saw and is the model in his own home. In fact he once offered me a job as his labourer (he is a bricklayer) so I think he has got the equality thing sorted!

You can always deliberately challenge preconceptions by ensuring that when your DH is around they do see him doing something from the traditionally feminine end of work at home - this seems an ideal opportunity to politicise the ironing and say it's his feminist duty to do it in order to set a good examples to his boys. He may politicise mowing the lawn in return, of course (and with equally good reason).

I've only just started looking in the feminism section. Glad Nicole isn't representative!

HeHe, can I have a dobber? Have I been here longer enough yet? :)

i've just searched a few of nicole's other posts. think it's best not to feed engage with this one.

'most men would prefer to continue working than sit gossiping with neighbours and colouring pictures all day.'

pfft, no they wouldn't, my DP's really jealous of my colouring in...

Whirliwig - you just tell them, when it comes up...well, some mummies do x, some don't, I work too, I look after you and I do (whatever it is you do PT) and point out the things their dad does do around the house. You just make a point about everyone in a family pitching in and it just happens to be that way round with yours.

'sweaty' isn't on the bingo card

This is fantastic !
Have a

*view

Ugh Nicolebaby what a moronic veiw to have.

keep going, this is funny. (and a bit sad)

haha

aww, i do feel sorry for people that dont know any better. there is no excuse really though nicolebaby. only you can open your mind and educate yourself.

Hah! So it is only possible to make a contribution to society by being in paid employment?! Love it.
I just explain this is a stage of life. I worked very long hours for almost twenty years and now is time to devote some time to my household. This works for our family. The contribution that everyone makes adds up to the whole. Or we could pay someone else to do it for us - it's just that we, the family, choose to do it this way

I think NicoleBaby buys into the traditional patriarchal valuation of childcare....

Hehe there's one in every thread...

What nonsense, nicolebaby. How is bringing up your own children NOT making a contribution to society? It's not the only way, of course, but your comment is ridiculous.

Honestly...if you want to be a positive role model for your sons why are you a sahm? All you're doing is proving women belong at home, tidying and cooking. And presumably you expect your dh to help you out in all this when he comes home, again showing little women can't cope with anything by themselves. Have some pride woman and get in the work force. Actually make a contribution to society.

We have a very equal household here, we both work, tho DH has been SAHD for the last 3 years and looked after DDs whilst retraining as a plumber. He's now gone self employed but chooses his own hours to fit in with family stuff etc, and we have a great system involving a whiteboard!

If it needs doing, chores that is, it gets written on the whiteboard if it's not feasible to do it there and then, and we both check the whiteboard to see what needs to be done.... It works for us, neither of us feels nagged at or henpecked and though there are jobs that I can't do such as changing the bathroom taps, there are jobs that DH doesn't do, like the ironing - but that's fine and it suits us. DD1 also checks out the board from time to time and DD2 will happily do "tidy up time" with her toys if we ask her to!!

I am determined we will stay as an equal household when DC3 eventually arrives, though we're currently looking at ms returning to work as PT as possible to save on childcare - so obviously I'll be happier taking a lions share of the household chores to be done!!

I am a SAHM (2 dses and 1 dd) so of course I do more housework, but at the weekends they see dh running round doing stuff as much as me - I am confident that they are not picking up the idea that loading the dishwasher or baking scones is women's work.
I'm also not afraid they will get the idea that women don't go out to work - they know about the jobs I used to do and are told that 'at the moment' my job is looking after them because they're children.
They also get taught how to do things and while it does seem a bit gendered (dd likes decorating fairy cakes with pink edible glitter and ds1 likes winding the handle on the pasta machine and pressing the button on the food processor) I will make sure they all pick up the full range of skills.