Something that's been bothering me

"We live in a shifting power hierarchy"

No we don't. Patriarchy is almost immovable, and power has stayed in the hands of men for millennia because of the violence men are prepared to use against women and girls.

Nyac, the Beckham thing was meant flippantly. Sorry it offended you.

Trophy, challenging that particular behaviour is treating them with respect.

Babygirl: Oh, can you pleeease, help with this, I'm scared of it!
Man: What's the problem?
BG: Well, I was trying to do X but the YZ thing blew up! Eek!
M: Did it actually explode?
BG: Well, no, but it made a great big bang!
M: Right. So can you please explain clearly what happened when you tried to do X?
BG: There was a big bang!
M: No, where did the bang come from, was it like an explosion or more like a thud? How long after you did X was the noise?

Happens every day ... the man has to coach the woman to say what she means. If this causes him to lose some respect for her, I'm not bloody surprised.

Alternative:-

Woman: Hi, there's a problem with my XYZ. I was about to do X, when there was a loud thud from the YZ. Do you know what the problem might be?
Man: Did the thud happen straight away?
W: Almost, there was a delay of about two seconds.

Quicker, to the point, and game-free. It's an adult transaction.

If Man doesn't respect Woman because he's a dyed-in-the-wool misogynist, that's another matter. But she's not inviting him to disrespect her.
If Man is not a misogynist and respects women, he'll feel confused and possibly guilted by Babygirl's attempts to force him into an inappropriate father/lover/protector role. She's also showing disrespect for him by addressing his sex rather than his trade.

Don't do that Garlic. It's really dishonest to twist my quotes like that.

Trophy, yes, we have to talk about sexist male behaviour. That's what radical feminists do.

SAF, you're wrong about assertiveness. We live in a shifting power hierarchy, which is expressed through communication and actions. All mammals do. To acknowledge that and engage powerfully is not a compromise; it's more effective use of the talents we were born with.

Nyac, that's an excellent idea. Some people just prefer putting women down, though.

I thought about it last night. I have a particularly girly voice. I bloody hate it, tbh, but I can't change it. Also, if I'm at work, and I've just run up and down the stairs five times with donations, I tend to get a breathy voice.

Obviously I need criticising for this...

Not any men who may change their treatment of me as a result of my girly, breathy voice. Obviously

Also, if women really are deliberately doing their best Marilyn Monroe impressions at work, surely it's worth them treating them with respect, so they don't feel the need to do so? Surely? Or is that too much like common sense?

yes let's examine sexist behaviours female and male perpetrators.

Let's stop being misogynist about ... David Beckham

SAF: 08:28: i've been advising against judging and policing other women's behaviour - but reserving the right to do it yourself? Or is voicing an opinion here not "behaviour"?

Or is it that you respect posters here enough to challenge their behaviour, but don't respect 'babygirl' enough to challenge hers?

I've got a better idea. Let's stop being misogynist about how women or David Beckham talk and start examining misogynistic and sexist male behaviour.

Nyac, we only need to include David Beckham if he puts on a baby voice while talking to men.

grown up table?is that a lame putdown
are you incapable of discussion without lil quips?

reread your own reply to me,you have a curious style of debate
clearly you're saying bit of sexism at work to a privileged white woman,well it's small fry. how very dare I recall a experience when elsewhere in world there is mutilation and rape.

err no that's not my logic - that's your convenient polemic spin on it sm.

come to the grown ups table - it's alright up here.

you've lost the plot saf

applying your logic no woman in first world has any cause for complaint compared to genital mutilation and child brides

so getting any jip in uk? your answer is shut up you're prosperous and white?

I think we need to include David Beckham in our sights, given his voice. Can we make him an honorary woman so he can share in the misogyny?

so let's get this clear
the subjective account of sexism experienced can be acknowledged as challenging if perpetrator was male? if perpetrator female, hey get over yourself sista

it's not a competition, whose being most aggrieved
the issue is sexism, and unfortunately its commonplace

oh and women who have breathy voices - better put them at the top of the hit list.

come on people - there's just common sense sometimes.

i'm sorry you're being held down and subjected to genital mutilation but i'm afraid feminism is busy fighting the woman who was sexist to a white, privileged woman in the west once. seriously? get a grip.

threats to women: rape, dv, selective abortions, lack of access to birth control and abortion etc etc oh and a woman who was sexist to sm in her office once

think it's clear where our energies are best channeled.

thread has moved on,im particularly not discussing the op
you think I'm being sexist? because I discuss the sexist females I've encountered? as you can see other posters have given their subjective account to, and as unpalatable as you may find it.Its a lived experience. one which you seem to want to over look or dismiss as sexist itself

oh as if anyone would argue with that sm.

the point is that in the grand scale of the atrocities women suffer at the hands of men in international patriarchy some woman who was sexist to you at work once is hardly that relevant a use of our energies is it?

It's a shame that so many women have been sexist on this thread, supporting the OP's husband, wanting to condemn these women's behaviour, stereotyping women and just assuming that his assessment must be correct, even after he came on here and showed his sexist attitude.

Nyac you habitually dismiss or won't acknowledge women can be sexist
you have a one world view
I'd say pragmatically that given human condition both male and female have propensity for good and bad

i don't think it's that extreme. it's saying, imo, that we need to focus on changing the structures and the sexism rather than thinking we can mold ourselves into a form that can have equality by trick or treat without anything changing.

the performed femininity AND the performed learn to speak in a lower voice and be assertive BOTH leave nothing changed in the power structures. they're just two ways of coping with them.