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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Musings about weight loss and feminism

29 replies

BelleCurve · 31/03/2012 08:26

I have lost some weight recently, which is a "good" thing from a health perspective but also frankly no-one else's business. I don't bang on about diets etc and keep it to myself.

I deal very badly with colleagues/acquaintances making any sort of comment about it, generally I try to shrug it off/change the subject and they get defensive, "well I was only trying to be nice"

In addition to that there is also an assumption that I have done this for a man, or for the appreciation of men in general. Some colleagues recently commented that I was looking better now (i.e. looked shit before) so I must be having an affair with someone in the office and they were surprised that I didn't find this type of remark flattering.

Yesterday a male colleague (we are not friends) said something like "oh you look like you have lost some weight". I mumbled something non-committal and looked at the floor so he carried on "well, you would call me insensitive if I didn't notice, and I am only trying to compliment you".

He doesn't know anything about me or my personal life, I could have lost weight because I was ill or something. I found it really offensive that he felt I should be flattered that he had deigned to notice me, as obviously that was the only reason I would have lost weight - to be more attractive to obese, married colleagues.

I know it is not the worst thing ever, but he has form for really sexist comments and I just didn't know what to say - "thanks for noticing that I now comply better with the patriarchy approved standards of fuckability - that is my life's work"

OP posts:
sunshineandbooks · 31/03/2012 11:54

I totally agree that women's weight is primarily looked at in terms of attractiveness to the opposite sex (with health issues coming second). If you look at before and after photos online, the before photo always has to show the overweight person looking really frumpy and unattractive and the after photo shows the same person glammed up to the nines.

I've never really experienced it myself as I've always maintained a pretty similar weight for most of my adult life, but I see it all around me and unless I know a woman is on a diet for the express purpose of lowering her weight for her appearance, I never comment on someone's weight loss. If it's for health reasons I always try to say something like "wow, you look really well".

BasilFoulTea · 31/03/2012 09:22

They only comment on men losing weight if it has been a really massive weight loss, like 5 stone or over

AgnesCampbellMacPhail · 31/03/2012 09:19

And, I may just start using your last comment myself!

AgnesCampbellMacPhail · 31/03/2012 09:18

I agree with you completely on this having recently lost weight myself

People assume its something worth complimenting because it's about women performing their socially constructed gender roles. There is no discussion of men's weight loss in the same terms despite it being equally important for their health.