Crikey it feels a bit like a war zone at the moment!

No I am putting across the male reason for not reporting violence by intimate partners.

The judge did not throw my case out. He remakrked that my wifes cases was for the most part "tittle tattle" and dimissed her argument that I could see the 1 yr old unsupervised.

I was told I would need to go for a court appointed psychiatric assessment and that I would need to continue supervised access with my children. This was the 4th hearing. At that point it looked like I would be back in court every few months with fresh allegations each time designed to discourage me from being a father.

I walked out. I did not want to spend the next few years fighting for access to my children and becoming insane in the process. Even if I was to gain unsupervised contact, my wife is a foreign national so the moment she perceives the court have gone against her she would then just apply to take the children out of the UK and there would be little I could do to stop her.

Thanks to you all here I am getting therapy tonight by venting to strangers even if you are a fairly unsympathetic audience.

It's king solomon all over again!

''That or we find some way of stopping them from encouraging emotional people at divorce/separation to view children as assets from the marriage to be fought over and then taking us for as much money as they can make.''

Apart from the fact that nobody encourages emotional people to fight over their children, they go to court because they were already fighting and couldn't come to an agreement. Doesn't a legal presumption of 50/50 care treat children like possessions to be divided equally between parents? As if they were the DVD collection.

I think many men would find it quite unpleasant to be beaten, raped or murdered.

I don't have any stats on it though

Are you saying that people who find it hard being beaten, raped or murdered are being a bit soft?

"The high proportion of males reported as perpetrators of severe child maltreatment supports the need for gender sensitivity and effective engagement with both fathers/male partners and mothers in child protection and early intervention."

You said the judge threw it out though.

Why is it stupid? Violence is percieved as the worst action someone can take in a relatiosnhip but if you try to understand abuse from a male persepctive, they can accept violence but the worst abuse for us is verbal and being humiliated.

I got beaten by my wife for 6+ years. That was easy. I could live with that. She threatened to kill me and would try to suffocate me and I learnt to live with that. If figured not many people would want to live with a guy whose hearing is bad.

What is worse is the humiliation of being told that I am not a good father. That I cannot be left alone with my son and that everyone including him must watch me be supervised.

I don't think that just because something is not terribly common, means it should be ignored. Especially not something as awful as sexual abuse.

Let's remind ourselves of one of the conclusions of the report

"The high proportion of males reported as perpetrators of severe child maltreatment supports the need for gender sensitivity and effective engagement with both fathers/male partners and mothers in child protection and early intervention."

...and what you have just written is by far the most stupid thing I have ever read on mumsnet AbF.

"That is sadly how many men vent their anger"

thankfully, while too many men do, most men do not.

The sexual abuse stats are ? Less than 1% ? The myth of child sexual abuse by the biological father has been disproved many times over. Our daughters and sons are more of a risk to their siblings.

DV stats are high. That is sadly how many men vent their anger. Domestic abuse rather than violence would probably put women on an even basis to men.
As women you view violence as more damaging. As men we are routinely exposed to violence as boys and the more damaging thing for us is the verbal abuse, the control and the humiliation.

Just so that you are aware I am deaf. What is the instance of DV against deaf people in relationships?

1 in 2.

A lot of maths and stats FAIL on the boards tonight.

Well that is a logical and sensible argument.

Shoot all the legal people. All of them. Even the ones who are overseeing things in war zones etc and trying Nazis. Yup shoot em all.

PLus

Linking UNICEF child welfare with family courts is ridiculous. A tiny proportion of children are affected by the family courts. The family courts are clearly not the reason for this outcome.

The whole legal profession needs to be taken out and shot at dawn.

That or we find some way of stopping them from encouraging emotional people at divorce/separation to view children as assets from the marriage to be fought over and then taking us for as much money as they can make.

We are bottom of UNICEFs table for child welfare. Clearly the family courts are not working in the best interests of the children.

''I read the report and it states for physical and emotional abuse that men and women were equally as likely to be the perpetrator against their own children.''

Did you get to this bit?

For specific types of maltreatment, males emerged as the most frequently reported perpetrators. The gendered nature of child abuse was most evident for severe physical and contact sexual abuse. Within the subsample of respondents who reported severe physical violence by a parent or guardian, males were perpetrators in 86.4 per cent of cases reported for the under 11s, in 72.9 per cent for 11?17s and 64.7 for 18?24s

Why are you dismissing the CONCLUSIONS of the very report you are citing?

Hmmmmmmmm?

Whoops repeated point re sexual abuse.

It probably needed repeating though.

You read the more recent report?

Why don't you think sexual abuse is damaging?

Why aren't you interested that most children said they could confide in their mother? (Possibly because most children lived with their mother - see I can say that yet you deny it? Even though this fact is the basis of your complaints in the first place)

Why aren't you interested in sexual abuse? I mean, seriously, why on earth not?

What about the DV stats, what do you have to say to that?

etc etc

I mean, come on.

entirely my mix up, messy, and my ego

re gender asymmetry DV

recent report

"Males were 93.8 per cent of perpetrators of domestic violence where one parent had beaten up
the other parent."

I read the report and it states for physical and emotional abuse that men and women were equally as likely to be the perpetrator against their own children.

here

AF - sorry for the mixup - I did indeed mean Absent Father!

Re. the report that you (AbF) gave us a link to: if you scroll down to page 48 you'll see that it says that whilst there is gender symmetry in cases of child maltreatment (as you already pointed out), for the more severe maltreatment and sexual abuse there is gender asymmetry with perpetrators being mostly male (which you didn't point out).

Plus a bit further up in cases of DV it shows a marked gender asymmetry.

Of course none of this means that a normal father should be denied access to his children but perhaps this is what the judges have in mind when they, as you pointed out, err on the side of caution. It is criminal that a small minority of men cause the courts to look suspiciously on other men, if that is indeed the case.

What do you think, AbF could be done to sort this out so no normal father is denied access but no abused child is forced to continue access?

that has linked the wrong one, hold on