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Original poster

I have never posted on this topic, or read anything on here, and feel like I have misunderstood what it means to be a feminist. Would anyone have the time to educate me please?

41 replies

fabwoman · 14/03/2012 18:49

Blush.

OP posts:
Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 20:12

I suppose because I haven't done anything I had to train in and I am not qualified in anything.

No, women have proper careers too.

I am old fashioned as I like DH going out to work and looking after us. I expect him to sort out the car but lately I have been pumping up my own flat tyres and dug over the garden today. Also, I got rid of a dead mouse myself after waiting 2 days for dh to do it.

OP posts:
madwomanintheattic · 14/03/2012 20:07

why are you not considering shops or childcare to be a valuable contribution? or one that is somehow not as worthy?

what is a 'proper' career? is it one that men (mostly) do and get paid more for?

why do you think you are 'old-fashioned' and 'traditional'? you have stated that if you earned more then dh would have been a sahd. that doesn't sound at all 'old-fashioned' or 'traditional'.

sometimes we make decisions based on real life circumstances, and if the circumstance has been fashioned by society, you have to acknowledge that the society has had an impact on the decisions we are able to make.

Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 20:05

DH acknowledges that what I do is as important as what he does, as he couldn't do what he does if I didn't do my stuff.

OP posts:
Hassled · 14/03/2012 20:02

I have that same conundrum - my mother was an early 70s feminist who always worked fulltime, which was unusual in the very middle-class expat society I grew up in. It was what she wanted to do and she was bloody well going to do it - and I was proud of her for that.

And she'd be probably be turning in her grave if she knew that 40 years later her daughter is home looking after the kids, doing bits and bobs of PT work, while the man goes out and earns the proper cash.

But ultimately what she was fighting for wasn't just her right to work, it was her right to have a choice. And now I have the right to have a choice, and to be treated with equal fairness regardless of those choices. That's how I reconcile my feminism with my SAHM status.

Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 19:53

Being a SAHM doesn't feel like a disadvantage to me but I can see how it could be to those who have had proper careers before having children. I never had a career. I worked in shops or childcare only before having kids.

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AliceHurled · 14/03/2012 19:44

Fabwoman the way the world is (or patriarchy) let's women down. It sets up impossible 'choices' like sahm or not, both of which have disadvantages for women. Feminists think it shouldn't have to be that way. You're not letting women down, you're making decisions in a world that you didn't design.

And welcome to FWR

Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 19:40

I am quite old fashioned and tradtional and think I am letting women down really.

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Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 19:39

When DH and I found out I was expecting I immediately said one of us would have to stay at home. It was me as DH earned more than me then. I think he would have been a SAHD if I had still earned more than him.

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Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 19:38

I know, it is frustrating me too that I can't properly recall what I read.

I thought a feminist was someone who felt/or could do anything they wanted and didn't need a man to do anything for them. Who saw themselves as equal but then I couldn't square that with the illusive thread! ARGH. I am annoying myself now.

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SardineQueen · 14/03/2012 19:22

SAHM thread?

In my view having children / looking after them is not fully acknowledged by society as the important work it is and that is not good.
I think that the way things are at the moment it's set up so that generally people seem to slip into quite traditional gender roles when they have children - and I think this is a shame for people who do not enjoy strict gender roles
I think there should be more flexible family friendly employers and it saddens me that women see their earning potential fall off a cliff when they start their families
Pensions are an issue
That sort of thing
I could go on Grin

Was it any of that sort of stuff that surprised you? Hard to know without the thread in question to look at!

tougholdbird · 14/03/2012 19:22

If it was something that came up during a SAHM discussion it may have been someone pointing out that feminists value what SAHMs do and do not consider it anti-feminst to be one?

Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 19:16

Linda Grant's article was very interesting, thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
fabwoman · 14/03/2012 19:12

I can't recall it now but I read something and it was the opposite of what I thought it meant to be a feminist Confused. Something during a discussion about being a SAHM I think.

I don't even know what patriarchy means, nor mysogany which I have read about on here.

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Hassled · 14/03/2012 18:54

I think this article by Linda Grant is well worth a read. It makes you realise what life was like without feminism, and how far we still have to go.

TheFeministsWife · 14/03/2012 18:53

I would say being a feminist is wanting equality for both sexes and being free to choose to live your life how ever you want to. Whilst also disagreeing with the way the patriarchy have treated women for centuries and wanting to change the world for the better. Smile

InmaculadaConcepcion · 14/03/2012 18:52

Hi fabwoman

Perhaps if you tell us what you're understanding of feminism/what it is to be a feminist is and then we can make some suggestions?

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