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Original poster

I did report but am learning why people don't...

39 replies

Silverthorns · 13/03/2012 14:27

I recently reported a rape that happened to me a few years ago now. It took me a long time to get my head around what happened, to call it what it is, and to actually report it.

The first lot of police I saw were wonderful, but they had to pass my case on to the area where it happened.

Apparently, they have made contact with the rapist but won't be able to interview him for a few weeks due to where he lives/practicalities of getting to him.

Meanwhile, he has 4 weeks warning to get his story straight and destroy any evidence that might have been on his hard drive. And it makes me feel like it's not really that serious and they might get round to having a chat with him at some point. It also makes me feel like they don't believe me. Hmm

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SweetTheSting · 22/03/2012 17:37

I am sorry to hear about your aunt, what a tough week for you.

Please try not to worry about how having therapy might affect any jury. I would hope that it's also something that Could been seen as an indicator of how you had been affected.

But regardless of that unknown in the future, if it is helping you to have therapy then I think you should carry on.

Take care of yourself.

Original poster
Silverthorns · 22/03/2012 13:08

Hello,

Just to make a bad week worse my Aunt just died - am devastated. I took the day off yesterday as I just couldn't face work, and I went and sat and read a book that I was given at the counselling session on Monday, it's a guide to the process and the the law from reporting to court. And in there it said that receiving counselling before a trial (particularly if it's group therapy or talking therapy) it can be viewed that you've been "coached" and therefore can affect the jury's opinion of your evidence.

Was a bit gobsmacked to be honest. It seems to get more and more difficult at every turn, seems like the victim gets penalised for everything. I'm probably hugely jumping the gun, as any trial would come down to my word against his, as there is probably no material evidence, but still, it's a learning curve.

I've got quite a few questions for the guy dealing with the case but he's off til tomorrow so it will all have to wait until then.

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SweetTheSting · 21/03/2012 17:50

Hi Silver

How are you feeling today? Thinking of you.

Do you mind telling us who has said that
About counselling affecting your case? Eg was it the police, the counsellor, something you read etc?

MrsArchieTheInventor · 21/03/2012 14:23

Silverthorns - I'm so sorry about your ordeal and it might not be of much comfort but we believe you.

Also, for what it's worth, you can't delete evidence on a phone or computer unless it's physically destroyed, such as in a fire. Anything on there will always be retrievable, including a record of websites visited and emails sent. If he gets rid of his computer, unless he puts it on a bonfire, evidence will still be there and obtainable by forensic computer examination. If he gets rid of his computer between now and when he's taken for questioning, I'd be very suspicious of the reason why.

I'm rather curious as to why the police are taking so long between you reporting the rape and them acting on the statement you've given. It doesn't take 4 weeks to obtain a warrant. Might be a silly question but have you asked what the delay is?

Original poster
Silverthorns · 21/03/2012 14:12

Apparently having counselling before a trial can jeopardise your case. Who knew? Hmm

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WilsonFrickett · 20/03/2012 09:48

Small wonder you felt drained. Be kind to yourself, we're all rooting for you.

SweetTheSting · 20/03/2012 09:36

Well done Silver and I hope your headache got better. We are here for you.

AnyFucker · 19/03/2012 16:34

Oh dear. I am glad you liked the cousellor. I am sorry you feel so drained and headachey, have a couple of paracetamol, some sweet tea and put your feet up x

Have you plans for more sessions ? I would imagine (but don't really know) the initial sessions are the hardest.

Original poster
Silverthorns · 19/03/2012 16:30

Thank you. She was lovely, but I feel really drained now and have a horrendous headache. I'm not sure if talking about it helps, actually. It did highlight though the fact that I have no support and am carrying all of this alone. If it wasn't for MN I dunno where I'd be, so thank you. Thanks

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SweetTheSting · 19/03/2012 13:39

Good luck for your counselling, Silver.

We believe you.

AnyFucker · 19/03/2012 11:31

I haven't experienced it directly in this instance, silver, but we know it's a common reaction for the people you thought were friends to melt away during any big thing like this, when someone is bereaved, eg.

They don't know how to deal with it, so they do nothing. It's not good, it's not right, but you can't force people to face up to these things if they are not equipped to do so. I expect you are learning some harsh lessons about these so-called friends at the moment Sad

Original poster
Silverthorns · 19/03/2012 10:46

The thought of just leaving it does my head in, I'll be really, really annoyed as I just don't want the smarmy fucker to get away scot free. I've just started to get the fear having read some other peoples' experiences on here, particularly women who have to live with not just the rape but then getting sued after bringing charges. Angry Sad

(Plus - is it fairly common for friends who know about what happened to just back off and leave you to it?) Sad

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AnyFucker · 19/03/2012 10:36

I am really sorry you have no RL support. You are being give a raw deal. See how the counselling goes before you bin it all off, it would be a shame to stop the process now after you have had to push so hard, and been so brave.

having said that

Any time you feel you cannot go on, you must do what feels best for you. Nobody here would judge you if you felt you couldn't see it through to the end. The process doesn't help victims, that is quite clear.

Original poster
Silverthorns · 19/03/2012 10:20

Thanks - it means a lot as I basically have no real life support really. I'm dreading talking to this copper as I'm just not very well informed on how this sort of thing should work, and I think he's probably pissed off with me for going over his head (as advised!) and I can't imagine what he's going to tell me that justifies telling this bastard weeks in advance. I've been at the point over the weekend where I just want to just sack the whole thing off - it's clear this is going to go no where and it's just stressing me out and taking up my time and energy. I'd quite like to go back to not thinking about any of it.

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WilsonFrickett · 19/03/2012 10:16

Oh - and we believe you.

WilsonFrickett · 19/03/2012 10:16

Good luck for your counselling Silver. I think it's absolutely shocking that you're the one having to do the chasing and running around on this, but I hope that at least the act of reporting, naming and getting support will help you to move forward. We're all right here with you.

Original poster
Silverthorns · 19/03/2012 10:05

thank you. Smile

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AnyFucker · 19/03/2012 10:00

Good luck, silver x

Original poster
Silverthorns · 19/03/2012 09:52

...And it's all come back full circle and I've got an email from the original policeman who sent the email wanting to know why I didn't contact him with my queries. (He sounds a bit put out.) So I guess I need to talk to him about it later today.

I've got my first session of rape counselling today, am hoping that might help a bit.

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SardineQueen · 16/03/2012 17:13

I don't understand why they aren't calling you to explain what they are doing and why. This is awful. I really feel for you.

Original poster
Silverthorns · 16/03/2012 14:51

Jesus. This is all a lot of hard work.

Had no reply to my email so I called up the local centre as advised. Woman I spoke to today said it was weird that I'd been told to send an email. She called the station dealing with the case and called me to tell me that the original guy who sent the email will be calling me in the next few days.

So, even though I went over his head I now have to speak to him and see what he says. Is there not supposed to be some sort of support or liaison officer or anything so that I don't have to deal with this? It's really stressing me out and I'm struggling to concentrate on my work (or anything else) with all this crap going on. Sad

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SerialKipper · 15/03/2012 10:20

Silverthorns if it comes to it, there may be something that forensic people can find on your computer , or the police may be able to get material out of Hotmail with an appropriate warrant.

If the police aren't showing much interest, there are private computer forensics experts much used in commercial legal work. You'd have to get someone properly certificated so that their work can be used in court, and I don't know how much it would cost. (But don't get a non-certified techie to poke around for the email in case it damages the forensic evidence.)

But of course that's just Plan B. Good luck for Plan A.

MerlinScot · 15/03/2012 10:04

Silverthorns, I'm curious to know what police I'm playing at with you too. Not posting my story again, but most of the rape cases get "ruined" by the police itself. Keep us updated. I'm angrier and angrier seeing how raped women are treated by the justice system.

((hugs))

Original poster
Silverthorns · 15/03/2012 10:02

Thanks Sardine.

The weird thing about the email is that I read it on my phone whilst we were on a day out, and (fortunately) showed it to DH as well. It really put me on a downer for about a week before I pulled my head out and thought, WTAF?! But for some reason, when I looked for the email again on my PC it was gone. I'm pretty sure I didn't delete it unless by accident (newish phone) as I never delete anything and certainly not anything in reference to this case. I then got Hotmail to restore all my deleted items, which it did - but oddly they stop on the day that I got the email, big gap and then some from the end of last year. So not quite sure what's happened there.

But the policewoman I spoke to the other day who gave me the address to email to take this further said that it won't matter as it will be traceable?

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SardineQueen · 15/03/2012 09:53

I hope you are right sashh but it seems rather a generous interpretation to me.

I find it pretty unlikely that a report of a rape some years ago has triggered surveillance etc

Have you kept the email?

It must be infuriating for you - to get yourself to a position where you make such a big step as reporting and you get a load of rubbish and no answer to your email.

i am really angry on your behalf.

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