February 29th - that boring hackneyed old crap again

'I don't understand why people want to tie themselves to someone forever. I think there should be a 2 year review clause in any marriage, so you can walk away without fault. I don't know about anyone else, but at 25 (when I got married) I was a different person than I am now, and so was he. People change, and traditional marriage requires that they suppress or ignore that change'

I love it CrunchyFrog, I love it. This 'til death do us part' stuff makes no sense to me either. I would go so far as to say that I think it's totally unrealistic to promise to stay together with someone else forever - if it work out, great, but it will be because you are compatible partners who respect each other and work at your relationship, not because you 'promised' yourself to each other one day many years ago.

And I'm really pleased for you that your life has turned around in such a positive way

linerunner but don't you get a lovely warm glow when people tell you how fabulous X is for paying what he is legally required to?

That's one of my favourites. That and how nice it is of him to "babysit" them. IT'S CALLED SPENDING TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN, IDIOTS. My sister babysits. XH PARENTS.

I was terribly unhappily married.

Nobody outside the situation can understand why. As has been said to me, well, he didn't hit you, he didn't cheat and he didn't drink. What other reasons could there possibly be?

Some people are just constitutionally not suited to partnership, I'm one of them. That seems alien to most women. They cannot understand it. Even single friends my age seem to be longing for a relationship. I can't understand that.

I got sick of being permanently responsible for the happiness of 4 other people - the kids and XH. That the state of the house was my responsibility, despite working more hours than him. That he was seen as the breadwinner, despite me earning more. Sick of lack of independence - why would you want to go away without your partner? Why wouldn't you want to live in their pocket?

I am so much happier single. It's totally changed my life (I've lost 6 stone with minimal effort, am fit, healthy apart from the fags, have gone back to my music - so happy)

The kids are happier, and now have a relationship with their father that doesn't go through me.

I don't understand why people want to tie themselves to someone forever. I think there should be a 2 year review clause in any marriage, so you can walk away without fault. I don't know about anyone else, but at 25 (when I got married) I was a different person than I am now, and so was he. People change, and traditional marriage requires that they suppress or ignore that change.

Gosh, I am cross about this

The trouble with averages is that they don't necessarily translate into advice for individuals.

On average women may be unhappier married than single, because a significant portion of women are married to tossers. Doesn't mean you will necessarily be unhappier married, it depends if the person you are marrying turn out to be a tosser.

(my calculations assume that more women are married to men-who-make-them-miserable than men are married to women-who-make-them-miserable)

linerunner would you think the situation would have been better if you had not been married?

I am not staunchly defending marriage here BTW but thinking about the fact that women's position in society has not really moved on.

My professional life is knackered by having children. Even without a divorce.

People would say that was my choice though!

I must admit that I was under the impression that in terms of legal protection and rights and so on, women who were married were in a better position than those not married. And so that really not a lot has changed in the last however many hundred years apart from now not marrying is more socially acceptable and so men are able to walk away from their responsiblities much more easily IYSWIM.

I just feel sorry for folks born on 29th February - only get a birthday every 4 years!

I remember seeing that, LR. There was a hierarchy of happiness - married men, single women, single men, married women.

It's being thrown into sharp relief for me at the moment, spending most of my time with men who are in very traditional relationships. Many women buy into the big lie - hell, I did myself - that being part of a married couple gives status, keeps you safe etc.

I will say though, of the men I know, even the ones I have thought of as lovely, kind people (and they mostly are, most of the time), very very few have been totally faithful. I'm now accepting of infidelity in a way I never thought I would be, simply because it appears practically universal.

And the women accept it, and accept that they'll be sitting at home while the men go out and drink/ do their hobbies. They let it happen as long as they get the payoff of Having A Husband who does the required minimum.

Oh, it makes me all cross.

"the judge was very concerned to make sure my ExH got a 'genuine fresh start' financially (my ExH walked out) - but I was apparently expected to be thrilled that I was 'getting the children'. "

OUCH

Pensions is the big one surely? I thought that if you were married it was possible to get a share of the pension and not otherwise, which is a big deal.

trills yes I agree but the fact it was in the papers in that way shows that these ideas are still out there IYSWIM

linerunner don't women who are divorced do better than women who were not married?

I'm sure you're right about Katie, Trills. That woman is no fool (despite her odd choices).

It doesn't matter if the statistics say that marriage is better for men than for women. Do your statistics say that marriage is good or bad for women?

There never was any such thing as "Waity Katie", IMO. I think they had an agreement that they wouldn't get engaged until they were ready to get married and then immediately have the press bothering them about "when are you going to have children?". They knew the fuss if they got married and then didn't have children for a few years would be more stressful than the fuss of "why haven't they got married yet?".

Sad thing is that with earnings disparity, society setup meaning women's earning power / actual earnings go through the floor when they have children and women's pensions being so terrible, situations when people split up etc it actually is beneficial for women to get married unless they are financially independent.

Things have not really changed on that score.

Propaganda.

They make such a big deal of the wedding and the ring on the finger, that they forget to mention that for a lot of women marriage is about being a man's domestic servant.

Nyac

Why are people still obsessed with marriage in this day and age? Why, why? And, especially, why are so many women still obsessed with marriage, when the statistics show that marriage is much better for men than for women, and women initiate two-thirds of divorces?

Maybe they should try a different approach and make Feb 29th Misterectomy Day.

"On that special day ladies, ask him for a divorce".