Verbal abuse from men in public.

I've always either ignored or done a rude gesture in response - not quick enough to think of any witty retorts, and TBH it sends me into a bit of an anxious state so tend to want to get away ASAP.

christ almighty, is there no clearly-signposted space that is not fodder for the derailers ?

tony, you have a beef, it may be a legititmate one, but stop making this thread about "how women do it too"

I'm common so I feel quite comfortable yawping "Fuck off you sad twat!"

I'd advocate having a go back if you can think of something useful but not if you think there's a chance that the man or men may physically attack.
For instance, builders up ladders are unlikely to descend in order to assault you and will probably shut up and look stupid if challenged. Bunch of stroppy pissed up yoot near a dark alley - better to get away.

On topic some stuff I'm thinking about...
How to respond to street harassment? Is it better to say something to show it's not ok behaviour or ignore?( well I guess it depends on the situation)

And it's not up to us women to prevent it, so is there anything society as a whole can do...? - hmmm-

Nobody has put forward that idea Tony.

Please stop derailing the thread. If there's an issue you feel is important start your own. What you are doing is rude to the OP.

Tony, you would find a lot of support if you posted a thread about verbal abuse of the disabled and how to combat it. It's an important issue.
But so is the verbal abuse of women by men which is about some men's attitude that women are lesser people and fair game for abuse.

No I am challenging the concept put forward here that only men do it.

Start a thread about what you think is important Tony. The title of this one is very clear - "verbal abuse from men in public". You're derailing.

So verbal abuse doesn't matter unless it is from men?

This thread is specifically about verbal abuse from men.
Look at the title.

I love this assumption that women are never the perpetrators and this probably crosses over to the thread about groups. As a wheelchair user I am not looking forward to the weather change either. When the weather is bad the doctor will come to me but likes to see me getting out and about in the warmer weather. The one thing more than any other I dread is the early morning fasting blood test, not because of the needles but because of the journey. I have to pass 2 primary schools and a nursery to get to my doctors and it is passing those building that is uncomfortable. Some women seem to think that I am deaf as well as being a wheelchair user and yes I am over weight so have had comments about my weight, being in a wheelchair and the lovely statement of "well I don't really want to explain that man to my CHILD" accompanied by the nodding of heads from other mothers. The assumption that that women do not do it is really very wrong.

I agree with Latara that these men are bullies, and so pick on anyone they perceive to be vulnerable. That is not to say that the women they target have brought it on themselves in any way - but that it really has not much to do with their attractiveness. These creeps make themselves feel powerful by taunting women.

I'd love to read more about bullying and feminism, google just brings me guff about feminists being bullys, so if anyone has any suggestions it would be appreciated. It strikes me that bullying is so often used to keep us in our place, crabs-in-a-bucket style.

On Friday i got the first 'stupid comment from a man' i've had in ages:

Had to walk past window cleaner (my age approx) into the dentists' surgery - narrow path so he had to stop cleaning for a moment to let me past:
Him: 'do u want a wash love'
Me (running late): 'haha no thanks'
Him: 'are u SURE u don't want me to give u a wash love'
Me (very serious, concerned expression): 'but i had a shower this morning, can't u tell?'
Him (had obviously expected me to blush etc): 'er.. oh.. ok..'

Me (grin): 'Bye then!'
No response, & no hassle leaving the dentist either.
But no, clearly he wasn't insecure at all. Very cheeky & wanting to embarrass me. Tbh the Anti-depressants i take have (put bluntly) saved my life; but also make me quite uninhibited about saying what i think - ok in that scenario but i'll need to be careful when i go back to work...

Men who do this to women are scum. I've had my fair share of it in my time.

In intimate relationships verbal abuse is a precursor to physical abuse. It's about control and power, not male insecurity.

That Daily Mail story has another one below about a man who threw a woman onto the line at a London Underground station. It's incredible the way some men feel entitled to behave:

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2105899/The-moment-crazed-commuter-shoves-23-year-old-woman-Tube-tracks.html?ICO=most_read_module

I used to have a lot more insulting comments about my physical appearance when I was much prettier (younger, slimmer). Now I don't look like much men don't bother to insult my looks. It is a ridiculous paradox. My elder daughter is not yet 3 and I am worried about her going around in the world (being a girl, and gorgeous) already :(

He just sat there opening and closing his mouth like a fish. Shock I guess. Everyone around burst out laughing and one of his fellow lads (to his credit) said "you asked for that mate". He just lumbered off to the gents to clean himself up. Always gave me a wide berth after that, which suited me just fine but I gather he was the butt of a lot of "fancy a beer, where would you like it" jokes for quite a while.

I've never been one take any crap from blokes like that - I've always made it a point to challenge that sort of behaviour. They're just idiots. Mostly it's done not to embarrass the women but to show off to their mates. I consider it my solemn duty to make their little jokes backfire

I have never responded when it's happened to me. Once I was unable to get away quickly (I was walking, man was in a van passing by in slow moving traffic) and my lack of response absolutely enraged him - like I was so very lucky he had chosen to comment on my body. Truly unbelievable. Where the hell do they get the messages from that this is ok?

How did he react, sportsfanatic?
Everytime I have answered back their aggressive behaviour have escalated most unpleasantly :(

I was standing at the bar in my local a few years back, deep in thought, and got a "cheer up love" from a well-known misogynist 'lad'. I leaned over, picked his pint up and poured it over his head. Said "I feel much more cheerful now, thanks"

I have had a few comments about my weight over the years - for being skinny in my teens, and for being 'fat' when carrying baby weight after my first child was born. Charming.

I constantly, constantly get 'cheer up love' comments, which make me want to shove my fist in their face and say 'Ahhh, I feel MUCH better now'

I have also had plenty of rude comments about my breasts and bum in bars, pubs etc. it seems some men get brave - or lewd? - when they're pissed. Creeps.

Yeah I saw that article headlined and had much the same thought as you carernotasaint. As if this man should somehow be congratulated for his verbal abuse, it's revolting.

Bottom line is, there are men out there who feel entitled to comment on and judge a woman's appearance etc. Your actual appearance and so on has nothing to do with it.

I must admit I used to shout back. 'Fuck off, needledick!' was a favourite. However, best used when the men are up a ladder or some such and can't actually get up in your face ie there's time to run away if they really take exception to you standing up for yourself.

A good trick I have heard of but never used, though, is to stop in your tracks and say 'Pardon? Didn't quite get that..' and keep on asking them to repeat it. This makes them feel - and look fucking stupid.