not sure what to title this but it's to do with ejaculation

I think that a honest sexual relationship is important, as you get older you should tell your partner what you like, where you like it and how hard, I find this a turn on.

And just to say

Unless you are a rad fem who is either a lesbian or doesnt do penetrative sex, you could say that ALL sex, even if it is between consenting adults, is degrading to women. But its NOT. That is a gross misrepresentation of what sex can be.

Beachcomber - I absolutely agree with all that you have said. well put and reasonable.

But it works both ways.

Why are some people saying 'I hate semen' and 'How can you possibly get pleasure from sitting on a man's face?' in a fit of prudish, moral outrage? It makes me feel uncomfortable.

I am not allowed to say 'Yes, this act has been glorified as part of a warped, male dominated and extremely damaging porn industry' BUT I like all sorts of sex. I can do feminist analysis and kinky sex.

Some feminists are intent on turning us into Mary fucking Whitehouse.

Lets critique the patriarchy, fuck yeah. But can we allow female sexuality a place, please?

well that is true.

I think what I was catching the tail of, is when it's not. when it's something the woman actively enjoys, rather than just lets him do, or worse, feels she has to do.

It's just not True/False. Life and humans are more complicated than that.

Sinical - see, I think it can be disrespectful. Or not. Depending on the circumstances.

WWno not at all.
the question of the thread has 2 possible answers - it IS disrespectful.
-It is NOT disrespectful. Just exploring the second option. It is after all a discussion, and with all the personal/political blurring I was merely trying to sound detached.

Also OP has repeatedly clarified her question, and admitted she could have worded it differently. To continously dwell on how judgey she is to distract from the question she asked,

TBE - I don't think you can get STDs in your eye from someone who you know not to have an STD. Safer Sex in ONS is a connected issue, and worth discussing, but OP implied that this practice would never be done inside a loving relationship. Which is, going by the postings of those who indulge in it, an incorrect assumption.

If the OP had asked about how is this safe when you have sex with someone of unknown serostatus that would have been a reasonable question, and not come across as judgemental.

Well I'm being political about it.

I'm saying an act that has its roots in porn/came from the porn directors' brainstorming on how to keep making money from filmed prostitution, is misogynistic. Hell the porn producers are perfectly clear about what the money shot is! They make no pretence that is is any other than penis worshipping and intended as an act of domination and disrespect.

I make no judgement on individuals who have added this practice to their private sex lives by saying that.

I think our obsession with PIV is misogynistic but I practice it in a fairly typical way. I don't beat myself up about that, or judge myself, or think it makes me a bad feminist. I just think it makes me a product of my society.

Equally I won't let that fact that I practice something, stop me from politically analysing it - that way lies handmaidenship and the demise of feminism (which is just what patriarchy wants).

But how on earth can you possibly say what is the norm in a sexual relationship? And even if you could, what difference would that make? If my boyfriend and I enjoy flinging sweetcorn at each other for pleasure, is it wrong because it's not "normal"? Is something only ok if everyone else is doing it?

Because people aren't politically analysing. They're throwing words like normal and degrading around.

There seems to be a lot of confusion between the personal and the political here IMO.

Politically I think this trend of men ejaculating on women's faces is misogynistic.

That does not mean that I make any sort of judgement about individual women who consent to or enjoy this particular act.

It means I think our sexuality is socialized and I don't think it is women who are dominating the socialization.

I think there is also a confusion of the moral and the political.

I am not pearl clutching (moral outrage), I am analysing from a feminist perspective (political observation).

Nothing happens in a vacuum - we live in a patriarchy and it pervades every area of our lives. It strikes me as very blinkered to exclude sexuality from that.

I think we should be allowed to discuss these things politically without having individuals take things personally and object to a political discussion on the basis of personal values - particularly as those personal values are neither being examined nor judged.

Feminism is about women as a group.

I gave up my job and financial independence to look after my kids and now I work from home. I do not think that these are radical feminist acts but they are my personal choices that I made. I do not object to feminist discussions about financial independence on the basis that they make me uncomfortable about my individual choices - because I know those discussions aren't about me in a personal way, they are about women as a group. They are political discussions not personal criticisms.

I think the suggestion that women politically analysing sexuality is somehow 'pearl clutching' or done in disgust is extraordinarily navel gazing actually. Sorry to be so blunt.

sinicalsanta - how does that work? You make it sound like it was totally unusual.

I'm not a psychologist, but I assume seeing how someone is turned on by you gives you a feeling of power over them

I think an important question hasn't been answered, if a woman was ejaculating (which yes, can happen!) onto a man's face would you still see the same issue?

The thread was originally about whether or not someone ejaculating in your friend's face was disrespectful. A handful of us have said we don't think it is and that is not because we are slappers or porn stars it is because we all have different ideas about sex.

I personally don't like DH going down on me, that doesn't make it wrong for others to enjoy it and I'll happily do it for him. I don't like having sex in the daytime (it makes me giggle at the absurdity of it all when I can see it in the daylight!) but when I convince myself to do it I actually enjoy it.

I am not some swinging nympho, just a normal wife/woman/mum (with enough kids already) who doesn't see a problem with the geography of where the sperm ends up, as long as its not in my fanjo!

I don't understand what the fuss is about. Maybe if I had watched porn I would associate it with something unsavoury, but its always just been something we do.

My last post was to Yellow

will be back later I find this discussion very interesting

I would imagine so.
I am certainly, as is DH.
Was just curious s to the psychology of that.
It's the polar opposite of porn-type scenarios, imo. Much naicer

DH and I have done this occasionally. There isn't much he could do during sex to degrade me tbh because there is no underlying power struggle / problem in our relationship. I've also done similar to him.

It definitely comes from porn/people discussing porn, we are both late twenties and I know DH used to watch a lot before I started reading about the subject and we had a few conversations which disturbed him. He honestly believed the happy hooker myths the lads mags peddled but has opened his eyes a little now. Things like this seem to be more acceptable to people of our age because we have been much more exposed to it.

I just asked him if it was a degradation thing and he said it is exciting for him for the same reasons as coming in mouths etc it demonstrates that I don't think his semen is so disgusting that I don't want it touching me. He has however seen it done under duress (hopefully acted) in a porn film and he said that was very degrading and put him off which would make sense as he hasn't seemed to want to do it for a long time now.

It has never struck me as degrading when he does it, if I was being paid to "let" a stranger do it to me then I expect I would feel differently.

SinicalSanta, I would say that the vast majority of people are turned on by seeing their partner turned on.

Good blog on what is normal