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Original poster

not sure what to title this but it's to do with ejaculation

490 replies

YuleingFanjo · 15/02/2012 10:59

and in particular a man ejaculating on a woman's face. Sorry - I feel awful writing it down.

I was talking to a friend last night, she is much nore sexually adventurous than I am and she was saying that she thought it was part of normal sexual behaviour, that most men found it a turn on and most people she knew thought it was normal.

I argued that it was something that came from porn, was not what I would call normal and there was no equivilant sexual 'thing' for a woman to do to a man. She said that women can 'gush' (I have never done this, maybe I am abnormal) or piss or poo (!) which I pointed out was a totally different thing. But is it?

I was trying to discuss it with her and point out that her sexual encounters are out of the norm, definitely aren't encounters within a loving relationship, and that ejaculating in someones's face is surely more about disrespect than anything else?

or am I wrong. I just find it really horrible and if anyone asked me to let them do so I would show them the door.

Soory - I hope I don't sound like some hairy trucker trying to get off on the whole thing, and I am not asking for personal experiences (I would prefer not to read them thanks) but more to discuss if I am right about the power/porn/disrespect thing...

OP posts:
TBE · 16/02/2012 23:56

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SinicalSanta · 16/02/2012 23:53

Would they have known that in the 80's though, there was a lot of misinformation about at that time.

TBE · 16/02/2012 23:49

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SinicalSanta · 16/02/2012 23:07

But it is a space for everybody! You don't get 250 posts of argy bargy when everyone just says yes dear Grin

LulaFortune · 16/02/2012 23:03

MyNameIsNotSusan you should get a t-shirt made up with that slogan Grin

TBE that's an interesting article, and puts my point across much more eloquently:

"Glickman suggests that the AIDS crisis and the concern with safer sex was what made the facial popular. "Cum on me, not in me" was a popular sex educator slogan as far back as the late 1980s"

TBE · 16/02/2012 22:31

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AyeRobot · 16/02/2012 22:23

It's getting really stupid when no-one is considering whether men think it's degrading or not.

Feminist analysis is not about whether you love the man who comes on your face and you love it and he loves that you love it. What about the "painter's radio"? What about the territory marking? What about the "love my spunk?" What about the "arse, tits, face?"

WHAT ABOUT THE MEN?

MyNameIsNotSusan · 16/02/2012 22:22

Fair enough, Yule, but something not being 'the norm' doesnt mean it is wrong. Homosexuality isnt the norm. It was seen as deviant behaviour until very recently in history. Now we understand that it is just another part of the sexuality spectrum.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 22:20

As far as I am concerned this has been an interesting conversation between people with different views, some of whom I agree with more than others.

I am still not clear on if this is something most people do but I guess that question is unanswerable. I still think my friend is wrong to think it's the norm.

NB 'the norm' not 'normal', I hope I have explained the difference?

OP posts:
MyNameIsNotSusan · 16/02/2012 22:14

This is getting stupid.

The OP and others are allowed to 'make a feminist analysis' based on their own experiences, but when other feminists raise their own, contradictory experiences they are not 'proper feminists'.

How many ways can I say this? It is possible to be a feminist and enjoy sexual practices which are portrayed in porn as demeaning, without being demeaned.

Its not that hard to get, surely?

The feminist board should be a place for all feminist voices. Not just the ones deemed acceptable by a minority of regular posters.

OP, I think you are well within your rights to raise this subject, and it is a valid and interesting debate to have, but why are those of us with differing opinions subjected to patronising 'this is the feminist board' shout-downs?

I am a feminist and I like my husband coming in my face. End of. Grin

LulaFortune · 16/02/2012 21:31

yellowraincoat the WfW porn I have seen is definitely not just softly softly nice sex!

I tend to agree with your views on this topic, as it goes.

Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 21:30

"feminist bunfights are a bit too common round here these days"

in the feminism section of mumsnet?

OP posts:
Original poster
YuleingFanjo · 16/02/2012 21:29

So am I wrong? Are most people doing this and i am in the minority of people who don't? In your opinion?

OP posts:
AyeRobot · 16/02/2012 21:28

I'm not talking about your bloke, yellowraincoat. Have you ever seen/heard reference to face jizz outside your relationship?

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 21:27

I have no idea if you're saying that that is what you're saying or if you're suggesting that I am somehow misrepresenting you.

Either way I am out of here, feminist bunfights are a bit too common round here these days.

TBE · 16/02/2012 21:25

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 21:22

So what you're saying TBE is that when a man spunks on your face, he's disrespecting you and you should therefore leave him?

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 21:21

What's the difference though, Lula? Are we to believe that all women want is softly softly nice sex? Some women like rough, dare I say it, degrading sex.

Surely we should be striving to get past this gender binary crap of men like this and women like that?

TBE · 16/02/2012 21:21

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LulaFortune · 16/02/2012 21:19

beachcomber - how do you feel about porn by women for women? It's a growing market.

AyeRobot · 16/02/2012 21:18

THE JIZZING MEN?

yellowraincoat · 16/02/2012 21:17

The ideas shown in porn are not necessarily what really goes on Beachcomber. You're the one showing the cognitive dissonance by blatantly ignoring what I said to you.

You really are being horribly patronising you know.

JerichoStarQuilt · 16/02/2012 21:15

Great posts beachcomber.

LulaFortune · 16/02/2012 21:13

To the OP - how old is your friend? I'm 40 and for most of my sexual life I have used condoms to both protect my sexual health and for birth control... so my non-political contribution is that for me and the majority of my friends, allowing a man to ejaculate in your face is fairly common. Safe (penetrative) sex is the norm, and if a man doesn't want to ejaculate in a condom then the face/ neck/ breasts is fairly common (with a helping hand from the woman).

There's a huge difference between exploring and sharing experiences (and fluids) in a safe and consensual way (even in a ONS) than doing it because it's expected or forced.

Sorry, that was a bit of a rambling response but I do think that sexual practices change over time. I'm not convinced that porn is the only factor in this and I don't think it is of itself a degrading or disempowering act. It's all in the context.

Oh, and... apologies but If for some that is having ejaculate on their face, I won't stand in their way made me snigger in a slightly juvenile way

Beachcomber · 16/02/2012 21:12

This thread is depressing me with its 'but porn is made by women too' and its 'porn is not real' cognitive dissonance.

yeah let's just chill and open our minds (and hope our brains don't fall out in the meantime).

I'm glad if you have found anything I've posted of interest, YuleingFanjo. I think I may have to step away from this one now, it will only despair me.

On choice/consenting adults/BDSM/open-mindedness

I think there is a word of caution there for us all in this here patriarchy.