non working mothers

we're on the same page rhubarb re abrasive posting styles. Often it obscures perfectly valid points.

But a clash between 2 posters or indeed someone being an utter cow is not a reflection on everyone else. How can it be, in reality?
It isn't fair to say 'Rude person constantly posts on feminism/recipes/aibu/fishnet. Just goes to show how horrid the whole board is.' Because it doesn't.

Oh you mean this "Even if you disagreed with what was said, you wouldn't be downright rude and patronising surely?" where I referred to 'you' all of, erm, twice?

And I shall elaborate, the 'you' here is general and I were being completely grammatical correct I would say 'one'.

But to put it another way, if one were to disagree vehemently with an opinion held by another poster, one would surely find a means by which to debate the point without needing to resort to rudeness and patronisation which merely serves to end the debate and render any useful point invalid because of the aggressive tone of the posts.

And no, we are not responsible for other posters at all but as you did state, this is a free country given to free speech so thankfully we can have an opinion about posting styles of other posters and can debate the merits and criticisms of such styles.

read your post before mine rhubarb. You constantly refer to 'you' doing this or that. I'm pointng out that we're individuals posting and not responsible for other peoples' posts, obviously.

I'm with you rhubarb.

Very very well said.

Honeydragon, most Mumsnetters post reasonably and whilst debates can get heated, I personally have learned a lot from such debates, had my eyes open to other people's pov and have even changed my stance at times. But a minority of posters do take either the passive aggressive stance in trying to patronise you into submission or they are just downright aggressive and belittle you into humiliation and a hasty retreat from the thread and for newbies, from Mumsnet altogether.

If it gets to that stage, any argument is lost. I do think that aggressive posters probably aren't convinced of their own argument or pov anyway.

clashing is a different ilk to a poster resorting to what can be easily construed as insults though.

I try and pick the relevant point out the post and answer that, and ignore the rest. But I have a Teflon hide. If you are more emotive about your stance you get involved and it doesn't look good, and I think it does stop people posting for fear they will be in a minority.

Its like people who refuse to post on the Feminist board at all? Why? Actually people who post, then get disagreed with by a poster and respond "I knew I shouldn't have posted here" really really annoy me

Who is 'me'? What do you mean?

Yes of course you get all sorts on Mumsnet, but this thread was in active convos so I started reading from the beginning and saw some horribly aggressive posts directed towards one poster in particular. I hadn't realised the thread had moved on quite as much as it obviously has.

I don't see how criticising aggressive posting styles is bullying your right to free speech? As others have said, it just serves to stop the debate in its tracks as posters are too intimidated to post with their opinions and the thread becomes a bunfight between individual posters.

It often spoils what can be a good debate.

who is 'you' though, rhubarb?

a couple of people clashing on a topic has to be seen as, well, a couple of individuals clashing. I'm hardly going to take personal responsibilty if someone else is being a bit of a cow. Nor am I going to wade in everytime as that can often be stirry behaviour, and before you know it it's all cliques and aaargh my free speech is being bullied.

People give up engaging though. I'm just as bad, as I am happy to see the validity in others opinions and have no issue with someone who has an opposing viewpoint. But I get tired of people who cannot accept others may disagree with them and resort to throwing insults so I ignore. In RL live I'm more likely to take people to task but here it's easier to just go "Meh" and bugger off to another thread.

I rarely post on SAH/WOH threads now, as an adamant fence sitter I tend to piss people off by not picking a side

Pag also pisses people off too by being obnoxiously reasonable

Thankfully it was a single poster minority being vile. I suspect that's true of RL. Most people are nice.

I appreciate I've come in too late with my offering though Honeydragon, I read the first 5 pages and was appauled at the treatment of ElasticNipples and others who were being polite, reasonable and offering just their interpretation of motherhood. Even if you disagreed with what was said, you wouldn't be downright rude and patronising surely? That's just a lesson in how to silence the debate with aggression.

Why is it that when women offer opinions that differ from other opinions they are not just disagreed with in a debating style, they are actually subject to the pouring on of much scorn and derision and patronisation.

^^
That is a subject worth talking about, well said. You've brilliantly summed up something I was thinking but couldn't have expressed nearly as eloquently.

And I'm not talking about the OP.
Thread has moved on, I just felt very bad for one of the earlier contributers.

Anyway, as you were.

Why is it that when women offer opinions that differ from other opinions they are not just disagreed with in a debating style, they are actually subject to the pouring on of much scorn and derision and patronisation.

I only got to page 5 of this thread and felt I didn't want to read any further. One poor poster offers her pov in a polite and reasonable way and she is derided for it in the most obnoxious way I've ever seen.

For offering an opinion that happened to be her own.

Blatant nastiness that ensures no-one dares to answer back.

SGM, I did like the mini debate that started, but then the op got involved and hijacked her own thread which I though rather rude

Pags comment was pure gold, and totally spot on.

"a blog might suits you better"

Roffle

KRITIQ, they don't delete ops just because they are dim and short sighted

Is this thread still going on? I was sure it would be zapped by now. What crud.

Not at all. I work pt, have worked ft but have always worked. I respect someone who makes a different choice. Its just not for me.

Lorcana
Please point out one defensive post on here other than your own?
You op and points are basic and actually quite juvenile. You have also chosen to post this question in a topic where you don't even understand the very basics of the principle.
I get the feeling from your posts that your not actually reading them.

How does staying at home fail to benefit children?
How does it have a negative effect on society?

Equally
How does going to work benefit a child more than not? They still require a stand in caregiver? The outcome for the child is the same whether a parent works or not.

How does a SAHP fail to benefit society? There are an awful lot of them out there and yet civilisation has yet to fall.

Sgb that would actually be an interesting disscussion.

Are you just going to keep posting the same things without actually listening to anything posted to you?
Because a blog might suit you better than a discussion board.