non working mothers

Of course I'm happy to work ft and pay for childcare
That was always the plan
The childcare allows us both to work ft,retain careers.it's a sound investment
Pay childcare,work full time.maintain career and progression.no significant break off work.we Viewed nurseries at 8wk pg and Had nursery ft place booked at 12week pg

Its harder for women to get back into roles if they have extended maternity leave, childcare is worth paying for it's mainly till they go to school and then you have the extra cash and you havent got to start from the beginning.

My plan was to be a sahm but my df was made redundant and it left us no choice and i now work a 3-4 day week but still 24/7 at home!! (apart from now as im on break )

going back to work has made me remeber who i am and i feel liberated by it.
so all in all it worked out well for us.

we have family help 2 days a week though so i know that has saved us loads.

People who think children should be raised by nannies/nurseries/childminders so mothers can work to pay for that care are twats. Just sayin'.

TheRhubarb

you have the same thoughts on this as me only you communicated yourself alot better.

Why you, now? It wasn't you, before.

It is a shame that a woman cannot think for herself these days. She cannot make the right choice no matter what she does. If she stays at home then she is betraying her sex and being lazy, if she works then she is damaging her child and being uncaring. Women are over-analysed, their every decision is pulled apart, their very being is questioned and yet not one person would ever dream of asking this question about a man.

I feel for my dd growing up in this world where every aspect of her life, the moment she becomes a mother, is examined, criticised and judged. I feel that questions such as those posed on this thread is a betrayal of women. Because what business it is of yours or anyone's whether a woman chooses to go back to work or not? Would you have asked the same question of a man? Don't bother to answer because you have said that you are not interested in the man's choices, so you OP are a betrayal of your sex for presuming that you have the god given right to question a woman's decision.

Would a mother working as a lap dancer be seen by the OP as contributing, or challenging men on their hallowed turf, or betraying their sex?

I love being SAHM

Loved BasilRathbone's post about footy playerst penetrating prostitutes and Solidgoldbrass's about people whiling away their lives on woo and / or special brew.

Looks

Equally though it's not uncommon for some people to think that motherhood gives them automatic superiority over the ungeststed

I found that it was when I became a mother that people started to make comments about my life and what kind of a person I should be/what I should do/what the baby needed/what was best for us as a family/how I would cope/what kind of child I would raise etc etc etc. Funny how they never thought to include dh in their judgements.

Maybe I was lucky in the support I have had. Also, I am naturally quite a solitary person so for me a baby 24 hours a day was actually enough company.

I find people always make comments about my lifestyle - DS1 is now at nursery 3 mornings and I do a little voluntary work (nothing major) and also amateur music which I am hoping to use as a stepping stone to something paid one day. Once I have included these things into my day I am sure I work as hard as anyone else - it is just that for some reason people assume I am sat twiddling my thumbs - I wish I could.

Perhaps onelittlefish, but for me personally it was the isolation. I missed having adult conversations and of being in adult company. I missed not having set tasks to do and felt at a complete loss. I also felt out of control. At work I knew what I was doing and I knew what the procedures were, at home with a baby I didn't feel in control at all, I felt frightened and I most certainly didn't know what I was doing!

But yes, there were presumptions made by other people about my staying at home - both men and women. I had sarcastic remarks made about all this spare time I had idling about doing nothing which made me pretty mad.

In answer to the OP no, I am not betraying my sex.

TheRhubarb - do you think it would have made a difference if the perception of being a SAH was different, ie, it was what society considered valuable?

I am sure that the reason why some women find it so hard is because we live in a society that only seems to recognise financial remuneration as an endorsement of how hard we have worked. Bringing up children is really hard work, particularly if the intention is that you do it properly, by stimulating your children, making sure they eat properly; are clothed nicely; that they have friends and lastly that they end up balanced and are able to make a contribution to society themselves.

If you think about the skill-set involved in being a parent you are basically looking at: research; management of people and organisation skills. I am hard pressed to think of a job that requires all three of those skills. The best SAHPs I have come across are those that gave that glittering career up.

Thing is people say SAHP like it's always the same thing, without taking into account differing circumstances.

A broke lone SAHP of dc with some sn and no support is a different thing to a well off SAHP of school age NT dc with an equally involved partner and loving grandparents around etc.

People recognise that jobs can differ greatly depending on circumstances, even if the job title is the same. People move jobs all the time looking for better conditions & atmosphere (as well as the tangibles such as better money of course).
I don't thin k they are as quick to accept it about the childcare/housework combo.

Rhubarb, when Ds was born I was a SAHM because I thought I should be. Then to continue trying to be one I started working nights, but I felt like you mostly. I went back to work pretty quickly.

I am really enjoying it this time, and it is working. I think it's different this time because I'm happy with WHY I'm doing it, and I'm not trying to kid myself I am doing as an equivalent to a profession. It's a whole different kettle of fish.

Lets face it, I've too sick children, I'm not a nursemaid. I am dipping in and out of mnet while they stay warm and watch tv

When I was a sahm I felt very depressed, very trapped and very down. Many sahms are fine with it but for me personally, it sapped away my self esteem and I just felt so lost and out of place.
When the roles were reversed - we had moved to France, I found a full time job and dh stayed at home with them whilst he was looking for work, he suddenly discovered how hard it was. In fact a friend of ours came to visit and dh was telling him how much of a struggle he was finding it, how isolated he felt and depressed and our friend said "What so pretty much what Rhubarb was saying before you left to come out here?"

For some individuals it works, for others it doesn't, but to hold women responsible for the wellbeing of other women? That's a pretty good insult in itself!

Yes Wallaby, it's been said, but the op ignored it, and maintained waffle about how each woman should be in the workplace challenging men , I think the existence of the SAhD has been ignored by the op.

Have discussing this with ds as he is off with a disgusting cough. He has pointed out two things that have made me

That although Dh and I both had cool jobs. Dad's the better for other people, as the more time he has to make money for it the more people come to work for him. This is actually true, he is a British Manufacturer and the majority of the stuff sold is used with the UK.

He has also said that I have become "more interesting" . We certainly do discuss a lot more, if the news is on in the morning we discuss it on the school run. DS is also a lot more independent now, as he has more freedom than he used too. I quite like that he sees me as a person now, not just his Mum.

Neither of these points have any validity to this conversation, but I was pleasantly surprised by his take on having a female SAHP.

Do men who choose to assume the role of full-time main caregiver to the children while their partner goes out of the home to work let down their gender?

Sorry if anyone has already said that can't be arsed to read whole thread.

fair enough Rhubarb - it looked so to me, but we'll just disagree politely and move on

Damn, typed reply and Mumsnet went down! What I was going to say is that my post was directly entirely at this particular thread, not realising that it had moved on quite so much (which is why I said to Honeydragon that my point was kinda rendered invalid) and not a comment or reflection of the posting style of any group of people on any particular type of thread. I am surprised that this could be read into what I posted as I don't believe it could.