Rape is worse when it happens to men

Basil sorry, never intended to patronise you anymore than you are trying to patronise me.

I read somewhere that most women who are raped, are raped when they are under the age of 20.

Is that right?

Because when you're young, you haven't yet grown accustomed to thinking of yourself as prey.

Being raped shows you you are.

I wonder if women in general are aware that many men see them as prey, or if that is something that women who have been raped or sexually assaulted are more likely to be aware of?

And yes, to find yourself prey, is a horrific shock to the system for anyone. Not just men.

Just musing really.

The question itself is unjustified. All rape is harmful had has terrible consequences for the victim. It doesn't need to be reduced to a competition between whether men or women suffer more.

the word that springs to mind is 'prey'
it must indeed be a hell of a shock when you are not accustomed to thinking of yourself in that way. Of course that applies to individuals of both genders - maybe the writer (subconsciously or otherwise) expects it to apply to everybody of one gender?
Which is interesting in different ways depending on gender of author.

OH btw thanks for teaching me to suck eggs, WW.

We already know that between 60 and 90% of women who are raped, never report it.

I think fewer male victims than female ones, will have the self-blaming "did I lead him on?" "why didn't I say No outright, instead of just thinking I was making it obvious I didn't want it?" thoughts.

But they're obviously not as devastating as having your masculinity threatened.

Well I can see that a male rape victiim will have the trauma of "i should have fought him off" "how could he have over powered me" "Did he think i was gay" etc etc.

But i think that is a different facet to the trauma, rather than an over riding one. I think that many female victims do indeed have very similar thoughts.

yes i agree that not only those that report a rape have been raped. It is estimated at something like as little as 13% of rapes are ever reported. The figures are depressingly low. But with the judicial system as bias as it is then it is no surprise.

listen to Basil, she says it true

Yes, but what doesn't follow from this is that only people who report rape have been raped.

The fact is, as SQ pointed out, people who have sex they regret, don't report rape.

That's just a rape myth.

People who report rape, have in 96-98% of cases, been raped.

(I also believe for rape to be rape it doesn't mean that the victim has to actively physically try to fight it - this is exactly the kind of wrong reasoning which makes it so hard to secure convictions)

Sorry - I was not trying to equal regretted sex with rape - that would be indeed wrong.

But I think that especially if a rape happened in a relationship or date rape situation a rape victim of any gender will have to try and defend themselves of the "regrettable sex" accusation. A man will get the "but you got an erection so it can't have been rape" defense thrown at them on top of it.

As a woman who has been raped by their then partner many times with varying levels of violence attached i can assure you that there is a vat difference between a person who has gone along with sex without "really being up for it" and rape.

Rape is an act of violence in itself. To physically force yourself upon and unwilling partner.
If a man was truly and unwilling partner rather than just a "i probably shouldn't be doing this" then she wouldn't be able to force herself upon him.

I have known very strong women who are still easily over powered by a physically smaller man. Without the added complication of manoeuvring what would undoubtedly be a flaccid penis inside of her.

Now Whilst there is evidence of rape victims becoming involuntarily aroused during rape the occurrences are very rare.

I am sorry but I do not consider someone having regrettable sex rape, and I actually consider it bloody insulting to genuine victims of rape to attempt to compare the two

SQ fair point

I think there is some deliberate "grey area" stuff coming in here, to try and muddy the waters.

Women do not tend to report sexual encounters where they have had sex even though they weren't really "up for it", any more than men do.

When people get drunk and have sex that they are not really up for they tend to regret it the next morning and promise themselves not to get that pissed again / not to go home with that person again. They don't tend to go to the police, whether they are male or female.

I would think for MOST people part of the buzz of sex is that you are giving pleasure and that the other party finds you attractive.
I would also think that women feel this more strongly - It's fed to us after all that being desirable is such an important part of womanhood.
For that reason I would say it's less likely that a woman simply seeks the physical sensation of a penis, she also seeks the egoboost (for want of a better word) of a man fancying her.

So a woman forcing/coercing a man out of a sense of entitlement wouldn't be as common - but perhaps being 'so devastatingly sexy he couldn't resist' would.

I'm aware that raises many questions - but just my musings on reading the thread.

Why don't you phone the rape crisis lines for men and find out WW.

Basil so I just chanced upon an anomaly and it's a huge coincidence that I've met a few guys who happened to end up in such situations? Or were they lying to me. Or is it a case of you just don't believing guys who tell such stories?

Yes, it is.

The situation above is vanishingly rare. Unless a woman is an out and out nutter, she doesn't have a sense of entitlement which many otherwise "normal" men have. If a man kisses a woman and fondles her nipples, she doesn't generally feel that she has a god-given right to jump on his dick irrespective of whether he's up for that or not. Also, even if she does have such an unusual (in a woman) sense of entitlement, most women can't actually physically accomplish such a thing, because a man who doesn't want that, can generally stop her very easily because he's bigger and stronger than her.

That strength and size of course, makes no difference if the psychological situation affects the man's ability to make use of his strength and size; but in most cases, men don't feel psychologically the same as most women would in that situation - many women do feel that once things have got to a certain point, they have "signed up" for penetration and they have no right to get out of it now, even though they may not want to have penetrative sex. And men in that situation, don't feel that if they come right out and say that they don't fancy it anymore, they may end up being attacked and far worse may happen to them, if they don't go through a bit of reluctant penetrative sex.

I think the most reliable gauge of whether men are more likely to be raped by women or by other men, is to ask the helplines which counsel male victims of rape, what percentage of calls are from men needing support because they've been sexually assaulted in this way by women, and what percentage are from men who need support because they have been raped by other men. I know where I'd place my bet.

But is it really far more likely that a heterosexual man gets raped by another man than ending up in the situation I described above?

But his integrity wouldn't be questioned if he said he had been raped by another man.

Which is far more likely.

Dworkin - how about heterosexual men who end up in situations where they have sex without really being up for it - through drunkenness/misinterpreted signals etc. It's not only women this happens too, I know more than one man who has experienced it, and hasn't felt particularly great about it either.

Any man who would report such a situation undoubtedly would have their integrity questioned as much.

teenaged years - sorry, massive distraction here

Dworkin, I hadn't been referred to your post, but to the originally liked NYT article.

AF, god help me when my lot enter their teenaged - I am ^guaranteed to be menopausal by then. I worry about them to.