To lose more respect for MIL than I thought possible?

OP...You're being unreasonable. Not for your beliefs but because you are so smug in your feelings of being 'right'. You have no respect for your MIL, that's obvious. Doesn't take much in your little world, does it, to slip down in your estimation?

Have you the wit to speak to your MIL about this in a reasonable discussion, or just more fun for you to bitch about her here? You're offensive - do your MIL a favour and stay away from her.

actually maybe only flossie said that SGM - Im not sure trois or folk girl did but am juggling laptop and baby so skimming

oh they did a bit - re-read the thread. i thought they were saying feminism had not achieved everything it needs to until there is real choice IYSWIM, rather than the current situation of women feeling pressured to do everything. but thats capitalism not feminism i think

My great grandmother had eight children, a husband who was an 'invalid' and she ran a shop ON HER OWN and did all the housework. Those who talk of a pre-feminist idyll where women could spend all day flicking a duster around and baking cakes forget that poor women have always had jobs outside the home as well.

In my grandmother's case, she was never allowed to mention her job or admit to being tired and despite the fact she brought in half the household income her money was always referred to as 'pin money'. And she had to do all the housework. If she was out working, my grandfather would even refuse to make himself a sandwich as that was 'her' job.

As an adult, I choose not to be a doormat or a martyr.
I cook because I love it, I do not iron because I hate it. OH irons, but hates supermarket shopping.

Was trois saying that?
I think a relationship should be a partnership with respect, love and logic all playing a part. I wanted to SAH, but financially it made sense for my partner to be the one who did. So I couldn't flounce and pout and wail 'But I'm the mummy, it should be me'
Why should it be me when my partner is equally capable and I earned twice as much as him?
We have always shared out any and all household tasks according to preferences and abilities, I don't do 'wifework' we share a house and the responsibilities that go with it. Now I have teenagers, they pull their weight in the same way.

I've no answers; all I can say is that my mil bugs the heck out of me because she brought up a son who thought women should work AND do ALL the housework. The burden she left me with (which it took a long time to undo) makes me dislike her very much. The irony is that my fil would be willing to help!

has anyone said that SGM?

{grin] Exactly, SGM!

Even if he was working to potential in a full time job, that wouldnt be justification for her not working !

Why? Expectation again. Why can't one be a home-maker? Why are both expected to work?

Yanbu- she sounds like a right old moaner. She may well be married to a bit of a loser- but thats a separate issue. Even if he was working to potential in a full time job, that wouldnt be justification for her not working ! A relationship should be a partnership where both people are equals and don't assume that one partner should take on a role simply on the basis of whether they are the man or woman. I am astonished quite frankly. This woman is 51 - that's only 6 years older than I am. She has adult children. Why the hell wouldnt she be working?! What did she expect out of life? To be swanning around shopping and lunching while her husband works? The irony of course is that some women do exactly that!! I cannot begin to understand why a man or woman partners someone who expects a free ride.

I do agree with trois and flossie. whilst the benefits of feminism are brilliant, they way "having it all" has become expected and not a choice is not good (although not the fault or result of feminism). we end up "doing it all" instead :(. the mortgage point is very interesting too.

and as someone who will be going back to work next week leaving a 7 week old pfb, can i just state i bloody hate nicola horlicks right now?

People often say that young people have a sense of entitlement and think the world owes them a living and yet by the sound of your mil older people also have this attitude.

She is not forced to work because of feminism. Not working is a luxury that very few can afford, for some families it makes economic sense for a partner not to work because of childcare costs but this isn't the case here. It sounds as if your mil is resentful because she is financially supporting fil. She should be grateful for feminism, without feminism she would be in a worse financial position than she is now.

Marriage is a partnership, there are times when one partner will have to support the other. If people are not prepared for that eventuality I'm not sure if they should be entering into marriage. Not sure why the fil is a cocklodger because he doesn't work. So a woman can make a choice whether to work but a man doesn't have that choice?

For me feminism equals choice and I have total respect for the woman who went before me, had those battles and won me those choices. I think your MLL is resentful of her lazy DH, you could point out if there was no feminism she would not be able to work and in Victorian times they would have ended up in the workhouse !

bringmesunshine - or, you could look at it this way... As a non-feminist, she brought up the kind of man not worth having.

Oh and they both work full time and my mum's registered disabled!

Wamster - my mum's current live in partner is shit with money (she helped him pay off his debts when he moved in with her - practically not financially) - these were the debts his nasty ex-P had accrued in his name and had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that he drinks and gambles .

He can't/doesn't do housework or cook or gardening or decorating.

He'll have a half hearted go at some of the above if she leaves him a list and nags. Well, he's only a man after all - can't expect too much of him.

She manages his money, cooks and cleans for him, reminds him of his children's/grandchildren's birthdays and is bizarrely proud of the fact that he doesn't know which grandchild belongs to which of his children. I think she enjoys the feeling of superiority she has over him.

He is a nice enough bloke, but not sure I'd say he's a catch

But at the same time, his word is law. She defers to him absolutely in everything.

Little bit judgemental of you to talk about their appearances. Out of interest, are those of us who rarely wear make up thought to be letting the side down?

Oh yes, she believes men should be deferred to. In. Spite. Of. All. This. Gaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Guys, quit complaining . Nobody can beat my mil for sheer bloody irratitingness. She works 9-5 in a (stressful) job but still insists on doing ALL housework herself. Including decorating and DIY! Fil also works but does not lift a frigging finger to assist. Nothing. Her martyrdom makes me want to shake her.
Took a lot of work to get my dh to see that if BOTH partners work, housework is split.
'Superwoman' are just as bad.

My Mil is the same.

She once told me in all seriousness that the "woman is the eyebrow, but she needs the eye (the man) to see"

"books and studies are a waste of time, a hobby for single girls, men like a woman who can cook?

But then again, her daughters married up to two wealthy men and are SAHMs driving Mercedes and BMWs living in their own homes, with full time staff. Whilst I am stuck with her loser son, who believes he is entitled to a career-without working for it because he is a man-am the one with the career and doing all the housework and child care and paying for home and child care, because, after all it's women's work. All the while he does virtually sod all. So maybe MIL gets the last laugh after all.

Pisses me off, women who perpetuate sexism then complain about it.

achiever