My Feminist Fail

I love Georgette Heyer: I read her when I'm stressed and need soothing. That feels like quite a big Feminist Fail to me.

I also wear high heels (ultra-short-arse so the extra three inches is a Godsend).

hehe snap yellow, I am also submissive and into fetish. I see that as part of the 'playing' thing I was talking about. Never really had a problem with it. Men do though, some partners have been really threatened by it (the fetish thing not the submission....). You're so right about the accepting nature of that scene. Never felt so relaxed and no pressure at all to be anything other than what you felt like being.

I'm not sure how much elder women are respected, even in other societies.

I find the cult of celebrity for celebrity's sake is very depressing. I don't like the objectifying of people based on their looks. We, as a society, should be better than that. It's just so base.

I'm not sure Isla, for many feminists, it is definitely a problem. For me, it's not, I don't feel guilty, I just wonder why it's such a big thing for me. It always has been.

I watched the World Darts Championship avidly, despite the fact that I feel a bit uncomfortable with all the half naked dolled up women accompanying the players on to the stage and doing a cheerleader routine before the match starts.

IMO feminism is about what you think and say more than about what you do.

If you believe that women shouldn't have to wear makeup to fit into society then you are not failing just because you wear makeup. You might do it because you like it or you might be bowing to the cultural pressure. But even if you are not feeling strong enough to go against the norm, as long as you're not discouraging other people from doing it you are not failing.

IMO it's OK to say I respect and admire people who go against this particular stereotype, and I feel very strongly that they should be allowed to do so, but for various reasons I am not currently one of them.

I think men do care but to a much lesser extent. They just don't face the same pressures to look good. There are other stronger pressures on them e.g. to be 'hard' and unemotional, successful, etc.

I have to draw on eyes so people know where to look when talking to me

wise words all.

Isla I think you're right about the fear of aging- but other cultures respect their elders. Even other European cultures do a better job than we do. Here in the UK, older women in particular are just treated like detritus. And as yellow says, it is bloody scary.

Sexual proclivities are nothing to do with feminism imho, unless there is oppression or abuse.

I wear make up to hide my red nose because I have been called Rudolph all my life. I think anyone would do the same.

But I hate two and half men because it isn't funny.

Make up is a tricky one. Men look HOT in make up. I prefer my face with make up and honestly, I'm not going to feel guilty about it. I don't like the fact that some feminists put other women down for wearing make up/heels/whatever. None of us are perfect, we're all just doing the best we can.

One of my things is my sexual relationship. I'm very submissive sexually, we go to fetish clubs and I get dressed up and I love it. Not sure where it fits in with my feminism, but I feel accepted and it's definitely part of me. I wonder if maybe the constant attempts to be in a non patriarchal relationship get exhausting sometimes and I just want to let go of that occasionally. Having said that, one of the things I like about the fetish scene is that it's equally acceptable to be a male or female submissive and that everyone, be they young, old, fat, thin, ugly or pretty is accepted there.

But men are bothered about how they look too. Therefore not a feminist issue but a wider issue for society in general no?

Btw, I think sahm's labour should be included in GDP.

interesting Isla. The radical feminists I work with almost universally don't touch makeup or dye their hair. A couple of marathon-running semi-anorexics among them though. Control issues affect us all I guess!

break - it's really hard though, isn't it? I mean if it were easy to say 'ooh, yes, I don't bother with any of that patriarchial crap about how I look, la la la', there'd be very little point - the difficulty is that we are bothered, it is convincing. And we shouldn't be blaming ourselves for it all.

I think fear of aging is biological. Our primary function as human beings is to reproduce. If we're too old to do this what use are we?

Thankfully in a civilised society biology does not have to rule us.

I know I look better with make up. I don't feel guilty or un-feminist wearing it. I like wearing it. I like how I look with it. I also don't care what strangers think of me so would go out without making much effort if I can't be bothered. I don't feel validated by my make up.

Looking like you, but a bit improved, is not anti-feminist.

It's weird, Isla. There was a thread on here talking about the oppression of beauty practices and I agreed wholesale. I tried to wear less makeup, stop shaving etc but only managed to relax a bit more about wearing FULL makeup at work etc. Everyone tells me I suit makeup, I think unfortunately I have one of those faces which suits it and looks a bit 'faded' without.

The thing is, I have a history of eating disorders etc and a typically 'feminine-neurotic' preoccupation with my looks. I'm getting over it but I know the makeup thing is a symptom. Plus the fact I can't bear to look at my grey roots...wtf?! why do we have to feel ashamed of aging? We should be proud to be wise women. But no woman I know seems to be. It's so sad, we have a long way to go eh.

Oh yes I absolutely agree that childcare is work and should be respected - dh totally gets this too (in fact we joke that if we ever got divorced there'd be a custody battle for who didn't get residency because it's such hard work) I just feel annoyed that it has been assumed that I will be responsible for this when DS has two parents.

I'd change my name because the DCs have his name and I don't like the idea of them having a different surname to me. I wouldn't however give them mine as having DPs surname made him feel more involved with them as I gave birth, fed them etc.

I think the SAHMs on here should be proud to be caring feminists doing undervalued work. Nothing unfeminist about it. I couldn't do it myself and I take my hat off to you all....

DS wears nail varnish all the time. He has also been known to cover his face in red lipstick. He's 2!

x-posted breaktime.

It's a tricky one. Wearing make up because you like the look and feel better about yourself I feel is fine.

What's not fine is if you feel you have to wear make up to be feminine/taken seriously/able to go out the house etc. That says we need to change a society that values looks over substance.

Mud I really regretted changing my name (I changed it back when I separated from xH). I don't think I'd do it again. Why the hell shouldn't the MAN change his name for once?? I really think it's a big 'property marker' of a custom and thoroughly outdated, but of course I did it too, under pressure from xH and his family.

hehe. I used to paint the Ds's nails. Their dad who has 50% custody went INSANE when he saw it and actually shouted at poor ds2 to take it off. No wonder I divorced him :D

I have no problem with DP earning the money whilst I look after the children.
I wear make up.
I would take DPs name if we got married.