Christmas cards addressed using my husband's first name

Mr and Mrs John Smith = a married couple
Mrs Jane Smith = a divorced woman
Miss Jane Smith = an unmarried woman

They are statements of fact and etiquette. It is completely correct to address a christmas card for you and your husband to Mr and Mrs John Smith. Anything else would be incorrect.

At work I am name + marriedandwreathedinholly and there I don't use a title.

As a parent I am Mrs mandwinholly.

At home I am mummy, name, and formally Mrs DH mandwinholly.

What is your problem? Absolutely noone is being rude to you.

One of my friends from my college days who is only 30 sent a card addressed to mr & mrs 'DH's initial' 'Our surname' so not an age thing.

Also had this issue and dealt with it by:
(a) polite explanation, then clearly writing our names in our card to them
(b) sending them cards in their separate and prior to marriage names
Like slug suggested (c) doing a "reverse" and using Mrs and Mr Her First Initial Surname
(d) finally binning any cards addressed like that and not sending any back

It is getting there gradually. I refuse to be lose my identity to a man - even on I love!

I've had the same issue for almost 10yrs, all of Dhs family (knowing I have kept my name), have addressed mr and mrs dh firstname dh lastname. I understand elderly relatives doing this, but not his younger siblings who have asked why I kept my name etc. at various times.

Really has peed me off this year; partly as I write all of the cards to his family, remember all birthdays (send cards and gifts) and; also, I think it's the thought that counts... and in these instances it shows they have given very little thought to me.

Next year dh can send their cards, I'm done!

I never changed my name. Friends usually address Christmas cards to either just me on the envelope (everyone inside card) or my and dh's first names only on the envelope.

My Mum, God love her addresses card to my full name, dh's full name.

Only Dh's Gran still sends card to Mr and Mrs Dh's full first name dh's surname. I have told her that my name never changed so either she is thick or does it to annoy me. Either way, it reflects badly on her. I don't open anything without my actual name on it.

I get why you are angry. If people are not respectful of you enough to get your name right then why should you worry about offending them by informing them of your correct name.

RoastParsnips - snap, people don't seem to have any trouble remembering that DH is a Dr. The thing is though, I should have made it clearer at the time that I was not changing my name, if I am in doubt about people I know I would put X and Y DHsurname if they were married so it's not unreasonable really for people to assume that. It's the ones that know full well that annoy me.

My school are very good too, the occasional member of staff get's it wrong but on the whole they use my correct name both in conversation and on paper. I do spend a lot of time there for various reasons though and it is a small school.

The school are great I have to say. I have been called Mrs Smith on occasion, which doesn't really bother me, but also Mrs ds's Mummy, Mrs dd's Mummy and by my actual name as well. I totally forgive the school. As long as they know my dcs names etc that is what matters there. It is the close friends, who have known me all my life, that bother me. Even if it isn't important to them, don't they care how I feel?

Heidi, I am in a very similar situation to you!

This is my and DH's first xmas as a married couple. We got married in August. His Dad, DH AND myself all mentioned during our speeches that I wasn't taking his name. Still family members and friends who came to the wedding have addressed the cards to Mr & Mrs J Smith. It is SO OUTDATED.

i don't like it either, but since i've spent the last 5 years trying (and failing) to impress upon ds1's teachers that i do not share his surname, and that calling me mrs XXX is doubly irritating since i am in fact divorced from his father, i am fairly relaxed about names, and regularly answer to my maiden name, mrs 1st husband's name, and mrs 2nd husband's name.... the only difficulty is remembering which one i need to use in which scenario.

I get a few cards addressed to Mr and Mrs John Smith. It infuriates me.

I've not corrected anyone yet, but will start when I see them this Christmas. My policy is roughly - those over 65, let it go. Those under 65, tell them (very nicely and with a big smile on my face) that it isn't my name and it makes my teeth itch.

I'll let you know how I get on.

Somebody sent me and DH a card (written to us both inside) addressed to:

MillyR etc...

I am also as my dh is a Dr too so they already have to think about not putting the usual Mr and Mrs, and seem to remember the Dr but not who I am.

Slug I love it - I shall adopt that from now on

Mistletoes I have already sent 11 or 12 address labels with dh's name and my name on them to this family: one on each card, in the hopes that the penny would drop, but I am sorry to say it didn't work. Hopefully it will work on your family, especially after a few years, when they can't claim they thought they were just left over from before the wedding!

That made me grin, Slug. I enjoyed sending my friend her anniversary card to Dr and Mr Friendsname this year - both because I am so chuffed for her that she's finished her PhD, and because it confuses people so much. Lots of folk who see "Dr and Mr" on something assume it's a gay couple Women have been getting PhDs and becoming doctors for what, 100 years now? But you wouldn't think so, sometimes!

One of my small acts of rebellion is to address items to Mrs and Mr Woman's first name, Woman's last name.

That's exactly how I fell RoastParsnips, if I had said something sooner I wouldn't feel so awkward about it but 10 years down the line I think they would all think I had suddenly gone funny on them. I am considering buying some address labels with my proper name on and sticking them on the back of all envelopes from now on.

I had the cheque thing with my brother recently, could have sworn he knew....

FWIW it is worth trying to point out the difference early on. I have received a cheque for the dcs every Christmas for years from a lovely friend of my dmum's. It has always been addressed to me but in my Mrs form which does not appear on any document I own and which I do not use.

I used to take my marriage certificate and passport into the bank when I cashed it and they accepted it and cashed the cheque so I didn't tell the lovely friend as I feared it would just make her feel awkward.

This year she has sent another generous cheque for the dcs and the bank will no longer cash it, even though they know it is for me etc because things have become more strict with identity theft etc.

Now, after 10 years of this, I have to write to this lovely lady and send back her generous cheque and explain that I can no longer cash it. I am mortified as I now feel rude.

It would have been so much better if I had just cleared up the misunderstanding straight away.

I only read the last one (Rilla of Ingleside) last year, to DD, - learned a lot about WWI.

The Mrs HisName ... format really does belong to that era, doesn't it? My mother was a stickler for most matters of 'form' but she always addressed herself as Mrs HerInitials... - died this year at 86, so really, I don't think there's much excuse for anyone younger slavishly following the old patriarchal rule.

However - on xmas envelopes, I just plough through the address book and exactly what I end up writing can be a bit random unless I've specifically noted some preference in there. I might get picky with other forms of correspondance but not xmas cards.

Well, she did work (at least before marriage) - I wonder how common that was then? I know quite a few of the female characters also worked, but by no means all of them. And she funded herself through university, and didn't put up with any shit from male characters... There could be an argument for it...

True.

I wonder if Anne was a proto-feminist? Probably not, sadly.

TBH, LDR, by the time it got to Rainbow Valley, I think it had all gone a little downhill (no offence, Rilla!). Just not as good as the proper Anne books, sadly.

Yes, me too - dare I say, I think LM went off a little with Ken, TBH. He was very cardboard cut-out.

Incidentally, I remember thinking that 'Harmon' and 'David' were some kind of unusual Canadian women's names since she refers to 'Mrs Harmon Andrews' and so on consistently through the books.

I'd ignore it because to me it just doesn't matter. Unless there's some actual effect of them getting my name wrong (e.g. on a cheque), it doesn't seem worth the effort. It would seem quite petty and rude to me to get in contact with people I hardly ever even see, to inform them that they got my name wrong on the envelope containing the Christmas card they were kind enough to send me.

To be fair, I used to get all het up about these things when I was younger, just can't see the need for it any more though. Maybe because I have both a first name and a surname that are often misspelled/mispronounced, I've gotten used to people calling me all kinds of random things!

Hahaha, LDR, I always thought Ken was much less interesting than either of his parents and wondered if they were disappointed!