anyone feel uncomfortable about Military Wives Choir?

I said upthread that I dress "like a slut" MudAndGlitter. I don't feel like I need to wear a knee-length dress to get respect, I feel like I should be grated that respect whatever I'm wearing.

I can't say I watched it, so may be totally wrong here. Someone said earlier they went to a base where it was mainly marines (who I'm guessing are exclusively male?), I think maybe they should have gone to a more mixed base tbh. It just seems to be sticking with same old stereotypes - men are brave and go to war, women stay at home.

Honestly, I don't think the name is that bad. Yes, it defines them as wives, but in this situation that's what they are (mostly; some are partners too).

It bothers me more that their whole lives are about being wives. And that no one ever seems to create an expats husbands group or a military husband group. Unless anyone would care to enlighten me?

Christ. 'doesn't dress like a slut'???

Well I'm sure she's a much better role model than the Ecclestone girl!
If she went out dressed as a slut then you're saying you wouldn't be going on about how she feels she has to dress like that to get attention from men?

I agree with you, Bennifer. Your point about the year being bookended by a wives' choir and a new sleb/'role model' in the form of someone whose job is to turn up at things, look good and have all her hair/clothes/make-up choices picked over is a realyl good one. I also think TheSmallClanger expresses very well the faint feminist unease that I feel but wasn't as able to articulate:

the "men go out and do, women keep the home fires burning" implications. It's all related to the thing of men being brave by doing dangerous things, while female bravery and courage come from sitting patiently while their partner does the dangerous stuff.

And I think 'The Chivenor Choir' would be a great name for them.

I think what you mean OP, is that the name defines them solely by their relationship to men, rather than as individuals in their own right? I can see your point, and it briefly crossed my mind a few weeks ago. It's difficult with things like this where their relationship to the men (be it wife or girlfriend, and I don't think the distinction is that important in the context of the OP or the choir) in their lives is their unifying factor, that is what picks them out from any other bunch of women singing.

It doesn't in this instance make me uneasy though, and I think my reason is this...sometimes, you just have to take things at face value, and not assume that anybody is trying to demean or oppress somebody else at every opportunity. They are a group of women who actually are wives or girlfriends of the military, and they have got together to sing, they chose their name. I would also imagine that (although have no first hand knowledge) their shared experiences as OH's of military men is one of the things that unifies them, so to be defined by this is for them probably not a negative thing.

So I think I get your point, but on this occasion, I don't think it's sinister.

D

Well, SQ. I do have a DH and we live in Geneva. Part of my social life is to out with the wives and girlfriends of DH's colleagues, simply because for a lot of the expat wives, it is the only point of contact they have here.

The name of our group: [DH's Company] Wives.

I don't only see myself as a [DHC] Wife though and don't have a problem with the name.

It is like saying School Mums. Or Mumsnet Friends.

The definition of a group coming from where you met.

MudAndGlitter. Why does it matter how she dresses? Why is that important? She knows she can never dress like a "slut" ever again. What if she wants to?

Sorry I only commented as it came across that you were devaluing her worth as a woman because she happened to get married.

I don't only like debates where people agree with me, no. I do tend to like debates where people don't make a joke of it though. I suppose that's because I'm a humourless feminist.

Yes, I agree with you Bennifer. It's almost becoming acceptable to be defined solely as your role as wife.

Why isn't Kate a good role model? She doesn't dress like a slut, supports her husband as I'm sure he supported her whilst she was studying/working. All she's done is happen to marry into the royal family

I wouldn't buy it because I don't like the music and I don't support that kind of charity so it does slightly annoy me to think people are only buying it because they think it's a worthy cause but each to their own. I am sure some people do genuinely like it and I am sure there are lots of people out there who wouldn't supports the charity singles I might.

OK, BluddyMoFo, we've established you have no problem with the concept/name.

I'm not sure why you're resorting to mocking.

Because I quite like that DP is in charge of earning the money, and that although I can make furniture, unblock a sink etc I prefer him to do this.
However I do feel that wages should be the same, job opportunities should be equal etc and I don't want DD growing up feeling inferior.

There's something about it that prickles my feminist sensibility a bit. I'm not saying I rant at the TV or get upset about it - far from it. But there's something a bit tedious about the "men go out and do, women keep the home fires burning" implications. It's all related to the thing of men being brave by doing dangerous things, while female bravery and courage come from sitting patiently while their partner does the dangerous stuff.

DH used to have a ridiculously dangerous job. That did not make me courageous in any way related to that, but no-one would ever suggest that DH was brave for having a partner who handled snarly animals as part of her job.

But they're not the wives of the military

GAH!

I'm not sure if you're married/have a partner MmeLindor, so maybe this isn't relevant to your situation. But I know I would feel diminished if my role in life was "Journalist's Wife". I wouldn't want to be defined through my partner's job and I wonder if that's what happens to these women a lot.

I think they are great, as I've said, and obviously they've made that choice. It's just a bit strange that it is still women making that choice and very rarely men.