AIBU to think younger women should not dye grey hair

Ooops! Sorry!

I meant to post that somewhere else

Poetry should be,
A sugared pebble,
Upon tasting sweetness,
You break your teeth

Argiris Hionis

So is it OK for women who don't have grey hair to dye it? It's just women who start to go grey who should immediately stop, in your opinion?

I do have a lot of sympathy for your general point -- natural ageing, like body hair, increasingly seems to be becoming something that women are told they shouldn't be showing/having, and the imposition of some kind of predetermined idea of physical perfection tends to be restrictive and objectifying. But you aren't expressing it as well as you might, and you seem to be targeting the wrong people.

No-one should feel that they have to dye their hair.

But no-one should feel entitled to tell anyone else what they should do with their hair.

Women and men of all ages should dye their hair whatever colours and in whatever ways they like.

I've been dyeing my hair for 21 years since I was 12. Have been all colours under the sun ever since. In recent years (the last 5 or so since I had dd2) I've kept it to very dark brown/black. Have noticed in recent years my regrowth is now more grey than blonde. I'd like to be able to just grow it out but honestly can't bring myself to. I did try a few months back but caved after 2 weeks. I also wear make up, and shave my legs and pits. I'm still a feminists though!

I think that if it is not something that you have yourself it's hard to really know how you would feel if it were you.

I am also blonde and have no grey AFAIK and hopefully it'll gradually just get lighter when it does start changing colour. However most of my friends have hair which started to change in late 20s/early 30s and most of them dye it. And yes they dye it because they "feel they have to" to conform to norms of how women their age look. No big wows there surely.

As with all cosmetic enhancements it would be nice if as a society youth wasn't prized above all and so much store wasn't put on appearance / looking a certain way / fitting in. But that's where we are and so women do it.

Many men dye their hair too BTW. Not really a fan of "what about the menz" but when it comes to grey hair it really isn't just women who worry & change it.

Changing the colour of my hair is a source of great amusement to me. At times I am grey, at times I am dark brown and at times I am flaming red. It kind of depends on my mood.

My hair is very short, so grey tends not to show up, not that it bothers me if it does. I do find, however, that the urge to change colour usually hits in the grey and gloom of winter.

OP if you are lucky enough not to have grey hair at a young age, then I don't think you can judge.

I have died my grey hairs since I was in my twenties; I have very dark hair and the grey hairs stand out and I don't like them. I don't mind wearing glasses and I don't mind stretch marks and winkles but I hate my grey hair.

I would much rather that hair dye was made safer then to stop using it.

I am in my mid-thirties and I never dye my hair.

I have plenty of grey and it shows up well against the dark brown.

So what?

Does it make me less beautiful? Less attractive? No. I don't think so.

Does it make me look older? No, it makes me seem the age I am rather than 10 years younger. So what?

It doesn't make me look tired and washed out - one look at my face will tell you I am brimming with energy and vitality.

I reject the idea that there is only one, narrowly defined perception of beauty that excludes women with grey hair.

It is not just an age issue - men are not sacked for going grey and women have the double whammy of sexist ageism do deal with.

I dye my hair because I think going grey with very few exceptions, puts you in another lifestage category - not for you, but for how everyone else treats you and the assumptions they make about you. ATM I can get away with shagging men 15 or 20 years younger than me (if I want to - and they do too of course) but if I didn't cover my grey hair, I don't think they'd want to and I'm still at that lifestage, where I might want to shag the odd youngish man. That's not the only reason I do it though, it's also because I know that people would perceive me differently if I were grey; as a little old lady instead of a vibrant middle aged one. I'm sure there will come a day when I will embrace that new lifestage and being treated differently by the rest of the world; but that day isn't here yet.

And I don't do it for me, it's a PITA; I do it because I know that not doing it, will have an immediate and direct impact on other people's perceptions of me, at work, in a club, at the opera - wherever. I think if you're grey and in your twenties, people won't re-categorise your lifestage and therefore their behaviour towards you; but in your forties, they will.

For once I found the discussion on the Guardian web page after the report relatively interesting as it wasn't completely dominated by the usual CIF misogynists.

Whilst I appreciate your general point Bertha, I think it is an over generalisation to say all women dye their hair because society rewards us for it. I don't feel pressurised to dye my hair, my work colleagues, husband and friends couldn't care wither way, and joe bloggs on the street is probably judging me more for the baby sick in my top. I dye it beause I want to, errant greys irrtate me.

Now the fact that I was congratulated on "getting my figure back" post partum had me strangely . (Hence I do understand your point.)

I read that article a few days ago and I think it largely concluded that the patch test was pointless anyway. It's the second exposure ie when you dye you hair that will cause a reaction.

I'm mid-40s and not yet, mentally, ready to make that leap to being grey. I agree that it not only makes you look old but tired and washed out - which, I suppose, is as nature intended? You no longer need to look attractive as you are no longer required to attract a mate.

I am 37.... No grey.... But I do have a rather spectacularly long white pube like monstrosity that grow out of the top of my head... Do men really go grey later? ? I thought dye aside, women stayed nongrey for longer?

I'll freely admit to dyeing regularly. From age fifteen to now I must have had every hair colour under the sun (including unnatural ones) and it's something I regard as part of my self-expression - along with copious amounts of at times very colourful makeup.

Genetically I am unlikely to be getting any greys until my late sixties or so. However I don't see why a lovely bright red should suddenly be out of the question just because the naturals are changing a bit.

I'm not saying that there is no difference between dyeing in order to look younger and doing so because teal is simply a really awesome hair colour - there definitely is at least qualitatively. What I am trying to suggest is that the motives we have for dyeing our hair might be a lot more varied than one would think and that it's IMO problematic to superimpose a common motivation.

Blimey - that's a scary article. I've been having blonde highlights for the past 15 years and never once had a patch test from any of the hairdressers I've been to!

I'm like Endo, I started dyeing my hair at 13 too. I didn't start going grey until I was 17, I just like having different colour hair. Now I just dye it brown because I don't want to be fully grey at 30 - especially as Dh (10 years older) only has 5 grey hairs. Ny mum too, is in her 60s and still has salt n pepper hair. My gran, on the other hand, was fully white in her 60s. I think If I could wake up and have a full head of one colour hair - not just dirty grey roots, I'd consider it. Brown hair does not age well.

Wow! And yet another thread about a topic which doesn't directly concern them but the OP feels absolute surety on pontificating for the rest of us!

I have been going grey since 16. I am now 36 and am 70% grey. I am a natural dark brown.

I have in the past dyed attempted to go fully grey but it makes me feel like shit. Most of my friends who are my age do not have to dye all of their hair like I do.

I am now going blonde to make it easier to blend in.

But I am beginning to really resent people telling me what I should or shouldn't bloody do! Jesus!

I have been having my hair dyed for a number of years now (I'm 52 and increasingly white not grey!). I do feel that I have to. I work in an industry where you are judged for being old - and especially if you're an older woman. In men, grey hair is seen as tangible evidence of experience and wisdom.

And although I would love to take a stand against it, I won't. Because I need to earn money! I can't afford to lose a job to another researcher/agency simply because they are younger than me.

I also have to admit, however, that it's also a huge vanity on my part. When I leave it to grow out a little, it makes me look not just old, but also tired and washed out. And I don't like it a little bit.

Young women dying their hair grey is an interesting step towards making it cool and acceptable for all. hmm. hurray.

We need to make the case that grey hair = wisdom or something positive along those lines first. Then everyone will want it.

Besides, I don't follow your logic pictish. So what if men suffer? I'd like to think a little more highly of all of us than that we'd conclude anything we did was ok so long as men suffered more, right?

I don't think men get the bum deal on that issue. Men with grey hair are usually seen as sexier than women with grey hair ('silver fox', etc.), and hair dye is fairly expensive, isn't it? Even if it is something you choose because you love it, the fact is, it's costing lots of people money they are only spending because they're gray, and wouldn't have bothered had they kept their colour.

Yes, the point is that the fact that we are rewarded for doing it doesn't make dyeing our hair good politics. The fact that we like the results is irrelevant.

Ach...I dunno - I think if anything men get the bum deal on this one. They don't want to go grey any more than we do, but if they dye their hair they tend to be ridiculed.