Pester power: my 4 yo really wants Barbie, what to do?

My 3 yr old dd has two barbies that were given to her as a gift. Her favourite game is to fight them, they row over which one is called Barbie! She is drawn to the dolls house full of barbies with missing limbs in my local chemist. I don't see the big problem with them really, they are only dolls. I had a few when I as a child and I didn't have any lasting damage done to me as a result. By the time I was 10 or 11 I was no longer interested in them.

I finally caved in and brought DD one, reluctantly, for her 4th birthday 3 weeks ago (a mixed race ballerina barbie).

DD was delighted.

I am now delighted that A) I'm not being pestered for bloody Barbie, and B) Barbie is rarely played with or mentioned except to play 'dance' every now & again.

I think barbie is slighty better her waist isnt so tiny , I used to get my dd barbies she had vet barbie which she played with the animal hospital sets she had , also she loved the pretty dresses i never got them with skimpy outfits either , barbie has had a varied career shes been a teacher airhostess vet etc etc , I think if girls want to play with dolls they should be allowed , banning them imo is going to make them taboo , I also have an older dd who would rather cut her arm off that look at a babrbie , as a mum of teens i do not think barbie has done my 13 yr old anyharm ,

Buy her the Barbie I can Be... Computer Engineer. I have one, she's fab!

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B0042ESG9W/ref=ox_sc_act_title_2?ie=UTF8&m=A1F8YGP86NG3IP

Apologies for not reading all comments, stumbled upon late.
Golly don't people get riled easily. I think these chat pages are for friendly advise.....not sure about conspiracy theories..
I totally get what OP means esp. with first DD when you think all things will affect her outcome. Many things do influence but I think if she is allowed a Barbie if that is what she really wants, alongside an environment of thinking, clever, achieving females she'll be absolutely fine no worries at all. I don't think it likely she'll look at your world then at Barbie world and then decide - 'no that's the life for me!!'

We have a passed on Barbie doll and accessories (many!) and DD's seem to view our Barbie as a figure of fun and it's often referred to naturally as the silly ditsy one (we have a sindy passed down via my mum - she is the clever one) but it's all very light hearted. Playful parenting 101. I agree with the branding issues but don't burden my kids with all that. DD's don't want to be a bit like Barbie even if they do like pink at the mo.

I had a barbie, but only so I had a rider for my barbie horses, and someone to drive the horse box I built from Lego with it's motor operated ramp.... She also built the stables and manège I had. I didn't have a ken, thought he was a bit of a drip frankly but my barbie rocked.....

Agree with ninedragons.

I think you need to embrace Barbie- denying her will only make her yearn more- get a Ken as well- we have hours of fun subjecting him to constant ridicule and submissive activities at the hands of his 25 Barbie girlfriends, in a barbie world where women rule and men are mere accessories. I can't see the problem with it!

Or do I mean:

she swallows, for sure

? Open wide, Barbie girl!

Snurk at the "now spit" Barbie. Look at her - she swallows, for sure

We have recently faced the Barbie dilemma. I capitulated - it was a reward for 21 consecutive nights of DD's sleeping in her own bed.

I was thinking recently that I don't really remember any of the Christmas presents I got as a child - but I remember with crystal clarity the one I desperately wanted and didn't get (one of those tin robots. I can actually still remember its exact position on the shelf in the department store 30-odd years ago).

I figured that if DD got the Barbie (or cheap supermarket clone - luckily she is not fussy), it would be forgotten in a couple of months, but if I didn't, she might still be holding a candle for it throughout her childhood. She would have devoted much more headspace to it if I hadn't bought it than if I had.

The way I explained Barbies to anyone who would listen is that it's structured inequality in employment and pensions that holds women back.

Not a plastic doll.

:o Flapper

DD has been given a couple of Barbies and similar, I wouldn't consciously choose to buy them for her but I don't really agree with banning things either (my parents, for instance, banned Enid Blyton books for racism/sexism/snobbery and just poor writing and I went to the library and devoured every single one!).

But the good thing is she's not really interested in them at all, in fact they are neither here nor there to her as toys, so actually there is no issue. I think if you are a confident role model for your daughter that is far more important. If I were to ask dd (she is 4) she would probably say Barbie is boring or silly tbh. She is more into animals/dollshouses/Sylvanians type stuff. Not all little girls are particularly interested in dolls per se.

I do think that the age at which girls start to like Barbie is an age where a doll is a doll. The link between a Barbie and a real woman is weak at best and they can equally equate a teddy to a tea party attendant, without thinking that you can only come to tea if you're covered in fur. Personally, I think my daughter sees the bear as a more realistic representation of women than Barbie, but perhaps that's because I'm very, very hairy :)

Then can I snort at the implication that one former, prolific poster would have the only opinion worth anything at all and no-one elses opinion matters?

One who (to the best of my knowledge) didn't even have any children.

"I hadnt given it a great deal of thought, perhaps you are over thinking??"

Most definitely teenswhodhavethem

I think it's very insecure parenting in believing that a doll can have so much influence of a child.

My DD has barbies and bratz and had no affect on her at all. She is 14 sitting next to me in a tiger onsie and lives in skinny jeans and never wears make up and it is most likely because I don't wear any make up myself.

One thing I never bought for DD was one of those god-awful "girls world" heads that you do hair and make up on, they give out a worse message than any princess barbie imo.

Does a girl's father not have an input then Bonsoir? I know that DH has had as much of an influence on DD's tastes as I have, they share a love of Tolkien and Harry Potter that I don't share, they would spend hours when she was little building lego spaceships/cities etc. In some ways she is far more like him than like me, luckily she has his sociable and outgoing side, which when combined with my instincts ( DH is far too nice and trusting) , uber-organisational skills and stubborness make her a formidable personality.

Barbies are neither here nor there in a child's upbringing, attitudes and symbiotic co-parenting are what's important, how is someone like Op going to prevent her DD from zoning in on Barbies like an exocet missile when she's at a friends or at school? Toy guns and dolls don't form a child's personality, good or lazy/uninterested parenting does.

DD has several Barbies and Barbie-a-likes given to her by other people. She occasionally plays with them - they mostly come out when other children who are used to playing with Barbies come round to play. DD is not averse to playing with other children's Barbies and Barbie paraphernalia (houses, horses, cars etc) when she goes to their homes to play.

However, DD would much rather play with her über tasteful German Bodo Hennig Classic Landhaus and Lotte Sievers-Hahn dolls house dolls. Remember, the greatest arbiter of a child's taste is his/her mother...

read 'cinderella ate my daughter' greythorne.

i know i said that before, but really, do it.

i don't think any of us like barbies. and i was pretty much vehemently agains them before i read it. but it did help me put it into perspective, and ther are bigger fish to fry.

(that's redolent of the miss world thread, i know. you won't get me arguing in favour of miss world, but i guess the 'let it go', or 'choose your battles' might be something to do with age... at 20 or even 30 i was adamant there would be no barbies for my daughters. these days i'm more prepared to meet the things head on and deal with the issues they raise. sort of consciousness-raising in my daughters... i don't know if it comes with being more confident in my own beliefs as a feminist (the same could also be said of mary beard i suppose) or not. but i do see bigger fish to fry. and lots of ways to turn having barbies in the house into a positive feminist experience. not that i seek them out, mind. but grannies appear to think they are one of life's essentials, and it's always such a downer to have to confiscate christmas presents after the bairns have opened them and squealed with delight. )

but please, read the book. you might hate it. you might see it as a feminist trying to come to terms with balancing her principles and her daughter's wishes. you might think she's not a feminist. but the book chimed with me.

Replica toy guns don't bother me at all, DD grew up around real guns / crossbows etc. DH is an ex-military armourer who also did bomb disposal and has a real interest in weaponry, ancient and modern and we've been on various shooting ranges in the US due to the draconian weapons restrictions in this country.

I had toy guns as a child, remember Charlies angels? If I remember correctly , DD was never interested in toy guns, it was toy cars she liked, especially DH's expensive model car collection.