Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

one of my wellbeing activities this week was to dye my pants. my pants all cotton black. after a few years the dye washes out. so i redye them.

ok lucky DP gets to see me in saggy 5 yr old sensible 'panties'....(i like my system...i like systems generally....)

a friend hired a naked male waiter for a private dining hen do who was so beautiful he was breathtaking. but having a man serving you food & drinks wearing only an apron is gross on so many levels. i find some of the not objectify men stuff difficult because i dont understand what the boundry of 'ok' is, but a naked male server was wrong wrong wrong.

singing is great, i would love to join a choir sometime.

they never come out like you imagined they would, honestly. somehow, dh and i (both brown hair, mine v dark,both brown eyed) have ended up with two mousey kids and a blonde blue-eyed one. lord knows where she came from. none of them have dark hair or dark brown eyes like me (in fact we've got two blue-eyed kids and a hazel eyed one). dh is a closet ginger (he has suspicious eyebrows and chest hair) and we were slightly curious we might get a red head (his siblings are vibrant red) but nada. v odd, this genetics malarkey.

but ooo, babies. i did suggest to dh that he might like to have his vasectomy reversed, but judging by the unadulterated look of abject horror that shot across his face, it ain't ever going to happen. so, 3 it is. i have a friend who is also 40 and has been through so much wrt fertility that it just makes my heart ache. i'd be a surrogate for her in a heartbeat, but with dd2's problems you just never know. i'm a total babysnatcher though. i accost women in supermarkets with screaming babies (who look at the total end of their tether), and follow them around baby joggling so that they can finish their shop. i just so remember that awful feeling of wanting to burst into tears in the supermarket and not having enough hands.

aw, babies. and i'm actually the least maternal woman on the planet, i think!

that should've had a smiley in there- the hmm face looks a bit bitchy!

many a truth was spoken in jest SAF

that really was a joke btw!

(avoids cooing as i'm trying to stave off my broodiness and avoid imaging what beautiful, curly haired, gorgeous skinned babies me and fit boy would make. shh, i never said that)

thanks all

we shall have several pools - some with hydro features and 40C water and no children and dim lights for blissing in. one for proper swimming, one for bigger children so they could splash and shriek without disturbing swimmers, babies, relaxers and one lovely warm baby and toddler pool with lots of floats and underwater coloured lights. speakers and appropriate music in each of course.

i would also like a lovely warm room with beds and duvets where when nicely relaxed you could go in your fluffy bathrobe and climb into bed for a snooze or to read.

i'm thinking despite my separatist tendencies some very beautiful male waiters/general dogs bodies should be in attendance on the condition that they do not speak and lower their eyes at all times. the mra's would love that.

saw fit boy flirt interest again today - may have been good for my wellbeing. i also went to a singing class for the second week running. i love it! you forget to do the things that bring you joy and you automatically gravitated into when at school and surrounded by opportunities. being in a room with a group of people singing, learning harmonies and parts and making a beautiful noise has been lovely. we're doing a performance in december hope we'll be ready. really glad i've joined especially because it's right at the start.

It sounds lovely. I can never be glad enough I came across MN, without it I would have been really nervous/conflicted about wanting a baby. Not now.

So personally I find reading your posts a lovely bit of the conversation.

jing - absolutely agree. In fact I was idly wondering what 'feminist underwear' would be as I pottered around this morning - I'd add 'affordable' to your list, it stuns me how much you can pay.

I do have some purple and green striped knicks from M&S - I gues they are my suffragette pants.

Your lunch sounds nice - I'm going to Thanksgiving (ish, we're not doing turkey but we are doing pumpkin pie) dinner at my friend's house tonight and it will be good - especially since I get to meet up with a friend I've not seen for a long time, who's the only classmate I've known who tried to work with academic feminism. It should make for interesting conversation.

I'm getting really excited about Reclaim the Night this weekend - it's going to be great.

9 Weeks! I already miss that milky, sweet and sleepy stage even though I'm having fun with this stage. Very glad she is doing well.

Saf drawer - thank you. Spelling isn't a strength of mine! It definitely didn't read like a whine.

LRD I bought almost all of the underwear myself too :) I firmly believe women should buy attractive but comfortable and supportive if you have norks like mine underwear for themselves.

Had a lovely lunch with a much loved friend and DD today.

hi LRD

I don't have much to add to this thread really! I've been doing what I said and getting lots of sleep. while that's great and everything it doesn't make for great conversation.

and of course obsessively following the euro crises and muddling myself up.

Baby is doing v well. She's a delight! and 9 weeks already.
Sometimes I'm literally smothered with love with my 2 kids clambering all over me.

Hi Sal.

Just poking my head round the door to say Hi All! I haven't posted in ages but have been reading.

Hi bubble i am glad you found this thread, you have been through a lot ltely and deserve a bit of well being I hope you will find this thread good for that. Like wrapping up in a fluffy blanket on a wintry night.

Interesting what you said about red meat LRD combine that frequent pregnancies and childbirth the must have been seriously iron deficient. No wonder they were 'delicate little flowers'. Of course it was accepted for the upper classes, but peasant women were expected to be sturdy and strong.

SAF that wasn't a whine! Not s I understand them anyway.

comrade that's funny, i did a massive clear out of DD1's sleb-scale wardrobe yesterday. Decluttering feels great

(Note: 'don't be daft' is intended as affectionate not snippy. This comes across better if I remembered to . Sorry!)

saf - don't be daft, you weren't whining. I hope you slept better last night.

jing ... it was me with the underwear clear out. I liked the idea of you thinking of old boyfriends in a positive way (a lot of mine was chucked thinking 'ewww, this reminds me of wanker ex'. It was very pleasant to throw it away. ). But then no-one has ever bought me expensive underwear - that I've only done for myself.

Throwing away high heels would be the next logical step but I'm not quite there yet.

I used to go swimming with my mate to be a second adult for when she took her son and baby DD - it was so much fun, I don't remember babies in pools when I was little (though maybe they were there). May we have a large swimming pool at the feminist spa, please?

drawer

sorry for my big whine last night!

On another note... Someone mentioned up thread they went through their underwear a while ago. It inspired me to go through my whole wardrobe yesterday :) I gave my Ayi everything that I just don't wear, put my summer stuff in the trunk and re arranged my jumpers and underwear. Ditched a LOT of old knickers and condensed everything into one draw (draw? Is that right? ) and put all my matching underwear together. Very pleased with myself.

I was completely unable to ditch some old, unfitting but very, very beautiful and expensive underwear sets though. It was like meeting old boyfriends again :o

Saf sorry you're not sleeping well :( that's rotten.

You know speaking of the diet thing it is absolutely obvious that women's body shapes have changed in (urban at least) china. Meat used to be a small part of a few dishes or evens few meals but now it's common, certainly amongst the middle classes, throughout the day. Women seem to have much larger boobs and bums instead of that 'classic' very slender Chinese look with very flat bottom and small bust. Underwear shops have sprung up and my thinner but busty friends have less of a problem shopping in Chinese designed clothing stores.

Thats a huge generalization I know but I see it enough for it to be noticeable.

Took dd to the pool yesterday :) really enjoyed it.

Oh, saf, I'm so sorry you're not sleeping well - hope you get a good night tonight.

I feel I should be cheering you on with the healthy food - because there is something tiring in itself about sugar highs - but mad is right it's sometimes a good option. It was for me tonight - though I got back to find DH had got in from work with the food parcel his grandmother sent him, so we are currently eating spiced cake with apricot filling. It's good.

I feel karmic debt for reminding you to do chores - as feminist karma goes, mine is slipping! I'll think sleepy thoughts in your direction ...

Take care.

damn you've reminded me i need to do an online shop lrd. i'd caught up and was just about formulating something to say and there it was - the chore that broke the exhausted girl's will to string a few sentences together.

i'm shattered. not sleeping great - waking up every hour or so and feeling like i'm never hitting deep sleep.

did get out for a good long walk today though despite feeling slug-like and felt better for having done it. have also managed to avoid fatty food and processed sugar today which i've been leaning on because of the tiredness but it really doesn't help.

so online shop and try to buy healthy food and find the energy to cook it rather than let it go off in the fridge.

enjoy! ice cream and snacky things are often essential for wellbeing. x

Yes, the cook must have been exhausted! I think that's where the idea of sherry being medicinal comes from ... you'd need it!

I have read that red meat, being expensive and associated with feeling aroused, wasn't thought good for women, so it was routine for women to be anemic (which makes you very tired I think) all their lives.

Thank god we don't live back then!

Sorry, I seem to have got into a depressing vein here but at least it's good to think that progress has been made and is being made.

Anyhow, now I must drag myself off the sofa to Sainsburys, I am planning to get a load of delicious snacky things. And maybe icecream.

oh gosh, if you are looking historically, i find it fascinating. all that laying on couches and being too weak to be generally involved with anything. (notwithstanding the female cook in the kitchen slaving away from 5am until midnight )

19! that's really sad. i only hope i can keep the dd's away from that nonsense. i think here it is less prevalent though.

I don't know if it's changing - the 'it's my period' thing was exactly the same at my school (and tampax were, as I think I said before on this thread because it bugs me no end, considered by lots of people's mums to be associated with sex and therefore inappropriate for virginal teenage daughters). My cousin is 19 and still absolutely in the thick of the whole 'ewww, exercise makes you horrible and sweaty and masculine' - someone commented on her facebook picture a while back that she had man arms (by which they meant a slight but toned bicep muscle showing).

OTOH I find it quite exciting that women's body shapes have changed so dramatically in the last few generations, with better nutrition and so on. We're taller, but also broader in the shoulders and proportionally less nipped-in at the waist, as well as having bigger busts. I think that women's poor diets, lack of healthy exercise/enforced strain by the wrong kind of work, and restrictive clothing (tightlacing corsets!) must be responsible for so much of this idea women are weak. I like to think we are getting closer to the genetic blueprint (not being a scientist I dunno if that really makes sense!).

it starts really early lrd, that pressure for girls not to take part in athletic pursuits, and is tied up in all the old 'horses sweat, men perspire, women glow' bollocks, or hwatever the saying is. back in the day, girls were allowed to opt for typing class instead of pe, and the cross country run round the park was the cue for the girls to skive off to the corner shop en route and just join in on the way back. and all that 'i'm excused pe today because i've got my period' stuff. the expectation was that girls were honour bound to get out of sport, because it was totally unnecessary and a bit disgusting, all that b.o. if you add into that the facts that girls' bodies will be changing and developing, and bouncing bosoms in the face of male adolescence, it's unsurprising that (some) teen girls start to think they can't be equals in this regard. i do like to think it's changing, though, but don't really know? any idea?