Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

i've just done the oil cleansing thing for the first time. think i went a little heavy handed on the castor oil because it really dried my skin out (weirdly considering it was slathered in oil) and have had to use a moisturiser as it felt dry and was starting to feel itchy and tight. put on a serum that had only plant oils and natural ingredients in it though so hopefully not incompatible. will go much lighter on the castor oil next time.

interesting about colours. oddly it was my last lover who gave me pointers on colour - he convinced me that teal and other certain shades of blue really suited me and i was not wearing enough colour to suit me. i was dubious but then bought a few bits in the colours he recommended and so many people commented on how much it suited me/how well i looked etc. i guess he had an eye for colour.

where did anyone get their colours done?

Have a nice cuppa everyone
... And some flowers

Nice post blackcurrants

Lovely post blackcurrants. Thanks for putting that across.

I think as well, it's about connecting all sorts of things - emotions and health and comfort and all sorts of things, from the real serious heavy issues to 'mmm, nice cup of tea'. That was the idea anyhow.

jacks the way I see it, 'wellbeing' is about being well. being myself well. being well in myself. . . ooh I could go on all day...

So yeah, makeup as creative art/adornment, not camoflague without which I am not fit to be seen. Clothes to make me feel good not look like someone else's aesthetic. Exercise to celebrate and grow my strength, not torture my body to someone else's aesthetic demands. and so on.

I want to be well. :)

jacks - yes, that's the idea. Basically, it started because I was realizing how often threads that start out with good health or beauty tips end up with people just making each other feel more nervous, or talking about more and more drastic measures, or laying down the law about what's attractive and what's not.

A while back there were a couple of long-running threads on here with the title 'resisting femininity'. The idea was to try to think about what we do for ourselves because we want to, and what we do just because we sort of feel we have to. Like, for me personally, I was going swimming twice and three times a week for a while, and I was just habitually putting on makeup ... then taking it off to get in the pool ... then putting it on again to go home. And not because I really wanted to, but because I felt I should. It was good to try just not bothering! It's not about never wearing makeup, but it felt good to not feel I had to wear it just then ... and to eexamine why I'd felt I had to in the first place.

So this thread was kind of a continuation of that idea, that we could all maybe share ideas about what is really comforting or healthy to do, and also remind each other not to get too caught up in what the magazines insist we 'have' to do.

I'm in the east coast of the US, so our times are all over. I'm having some very nice green tea at 10am, though, and trying to settle down to work.

[slacker]

Colours are funny aren't they. I used to wear a lot of black until someone pointed out that it made my skin tone look green. I started asking people and they said it did.

So, just wondering if I have this right - is this thread more about things that we do for ourselves, care and grooming-wise, to make ourselves feel good, rather than just giving in to what "should" be done as per all those crap fashion magazines so that one can look hot for a man?

Ahh. Well, I am monumentally lazy, so I tend to be about 4 hours behind UK time too, despite living in England!

Colour really does make a difference IMO - it's odd but when I recently cut my hair from long to very short, I suddenly realized some colours made me look really tired because they were too harsh without my hair there as a barrier between that and my face.

No wine here yet, but have a to go with the cookies.

Oh, I should say I'm in Canada, on the West Coast, so I'm always 8 hours behind you. Which is why I can say "good morning" when it's tea o'clock on MN :)

Thank you for the welcome. After yesterday's little troll-hunting disaster I almost thought it as time for another MN break perhaps a permanent one and the last place I'd have thought I'd find myself posting is the Feminism section - sorry, again, if that sounds bad, but I've read back a bit on this thread now and it feels very comfortable :)

Coffee, anyone - or have you moved on to already? I'm about to have my first cup, then see if I can shower in private (although showering with DS is usually pretty fun) and then I'm going to see about brightening my face. I'm going to look at those links about colours, I often feel like I get it wrong.

blackcurrants, thanks, I shall have a look.

comrade - I did have a vague thought you probably were! I will check out those recommendations - I suspect it's partly SIL being careful of money, but the delight of being an aunt not a mum is I get to splash out.

Forgot to say LRD I'm in Beijing (does my nn make a bit more sense now? :o ) but in the UK and Aus often enough to buy clothing there are it is insanely expensive here. a 7 pack of mother care vests is 35 quid here!

Welcome new faces Hope you'll see that we're not hairy, scary, men hating bitches who all believe exactly the same thing with no room for disagreement and post some more on the board :)

LRD I've found some brilliant stuff in Mothercare recently - lots of bright stripes and the like. Boden is good too imo as it is all lovely bright colours especially blues, reds and purples. I've heard other S&Bers talk about cyrillus but haven't really looked. Also this lot but again haven't ordered.

Actually all of DDs 0-6 month stuff was unisex as I'm hoping for another one.

LRD this is a quite good approach, or this blog is fun. The idea is that actually calling someone just a winter/spring/summer/autumn is a bit too simple, and each season has 3 subcategories. Summer and Winter are cool (at the risk of being simplistic, they are colours with blue backgrounds. So think of purple: you can have blueish purples which will suit people who are 'cool' shades, and you can have quite warm purples like burgundy and plum, which will make 'warm' people look great.)
as for the subcategories, People use different terms for them, but there's the 'soft' autumn which is still pretty summery, the 'true' autumn which hits the central autumn notes, and then the 'dark' autumn which is that end-of-november, leaning-into-winter autumn. There's a diagram here on this site which sort of explains the nuances.

Oddly, I find the colours thing rather freeing. I happen to look good in black and navy but yeah, colours are awesome and I don't feel that wearing bright ones makes me look like I'm repeating my sweaters too much!

Double-posting (sorry, I can't break this habit but I am trying, honest).

black - what's 'bright winter' then? My mate had hers done and she does look lovely now - they picked out a gorgeous cobalt blue that makes her look fantastic and she wears it all the time now.

I think this is one of the reasons I'm a bit bored with the whole idea of a 'capsule wardrobe' of 'neutrals' ... I love shades of silvery grey but otherwise, pretty colours, please!

comrade - I do agree with your post but I'm going on a slight tangent ... you find it easy buying for your DD? My niece is just a few months younger and I know her mum is struggling a little to find nice non-pink clothes (she's just got the wrong colouring for pink). I'm cheered up if there are good options - are you in the UK?! They're in Brazil and find a lot of stuff there sort of 'hyper-feminine', which depresses SIL a bit.

Sorry ... hijacking my own thread ....

See, you're making me down exercise and all

I was kind of hoping this thread might be appealing to people who usually post elsewhere on the board, because essentially it is just a normal health/emotional health thread, but with a bit of feminism to steer us away from the commercialized guilt-trips.

jacks - I so sorry to hear you had a tough time with your DS. I think I know what you mean about feeling you should love your face but still worrying - in a much more superficial way (because I don't have a good reason like a lovely baby to blame it on!), I feel like that about bits of my body at times - I would love to be one of those women who can shrug and say happily they love their bodies because of all the changes ... but I'm not quite there yet.

FWIW, in a practical sense, I need to cut down on sugar too - I eat too much of it and it's not great for my skin. I'd love to say cutting out coffee has been good for my skin too as it's meant to be, but thus far, no change.

OK ... munching on lemon curd-slathered bread for breakfast probably wasn't quite the best idea for low sugar, was it ....

Like Jacksmania, I too have never posted in a Feminist thread before but want to mark my place on this thread as I find it really interesting and thought provoking.

May I join? I've never posted in a Feminist thread before so this is a novelty.
Ack - that sounded bad and I don't mean it to! It's just that I usually get frightened off posting on Feminist threads.

I'd like to lose 8 lbs. So once I'm shed of this shitty cold, I'm going to get back to cardio/weightlifting and my yoga practice, at least three, hopefully four times a week. I teach one class per week and that gives me a little bit of bonus exercise (well, two really, but the prenatal yoga class doesn't count as exercise) so I'm going to do something else 3-4 other times a week.

Also going to ditch the sugar/ carb habit.

And I'm going to be kinder to myself when I look in the mirror. My face has gotten thinner and a lot older in the last nearly four years since I've had DS. I had a pretty bad time after he was born, and it's taken its toll. My face reflects that. My eyes look sad even when I'm smiling. I don't know how to fix that. I've considered Botox but haven't taken that step - can't bring myself to, somehow. I feel like I should love my face for what it's been through. Maybe that extends to all of me. But I seem to have trouble with that.

LRD Yes re buying clothes at Primark! That really resonates with me as my last shopping trips I have bought very little that isn't necessary to a degree even though it was pretty (new bathing suit) or wasn't an accessory (shoes can't make you look fat) so most of my wardrobe is tatty and horrible but my accessories are all fab. It's stupid.

DD(10 months) on the other hand has a fabulous wardrobe (and far too expensive) because it is easy and a pleasure to buy for her. I realise how stupid this is.

Actually I'm really not happy in my body as it is now. I wouldn't want a stranger to see my naked where as I couldn't have given a nuns chuff a year before. My feelings about my body are actually pretty anti feminist and I don't know how to deal with it. Rationally I understand that what is normal part of pregnancy society has made me think isn't normal/unattractive/unsexy but my irrational side just can't make this click.

I've also realised that actually I just need to stop making excuses and DO something about it. So tonight after DD goes to sleep I will do W1D1 of Couch to 10k on the machine :)

I think that's a very good point, LRD. One of the 'wellbeing' things I've done for myself, post DS, is 'get my colours done' (Bright Winter, if you're interested.)
I knew I was about to buy a new 'work/smart' wardrobe, (as I live in jeans and tshirts and fleeces when working from home)- and now everything I have bought to 'look smart' in flatters my shape and colouring. It's not like I've gone out and spent more than I would have done anyway, but everything I wear to work suits me and flatters me. And I like wearing it.

Now slowly upgrading the at home clothes - not by much, but in terms of chosing colours it's been a real eye opener. Now all my tops are colours that make my eyes sparkle and my skin seem clear (key on days when I don't wear any makeup at all, at home) and while they weren't expensive, they feel gorgeous to look at, lined up in my drawers, and I feel good when I catch sight of myself. And I have always enjoyed colour, so thinking a bit more about which ones I wear is pleasant and doesn't feel like a chore, the way that 'fashion' feels like a chore to me, and so I've opted out of it...

I am going to hit post before I re-read and decide this doesn't make any sense!

That makes me feel better.

I think there's an aspect of nice clothes that is just about how nice the feel, and how that colour or that shape makes you happy, which can be totally separate from fashion or being attractive to anyone else. Since the only person other than me who sees my knickers is my DH they're not exactly fashion statements, but I did realize it probably would be quite good for low-level happiness to start afresh with stuff that's all, ooh, made within this millenium?

I started thinking about it with that thread a few days ago about a woman saying she ends up buying Primark because her DH has to look good for work, and realizing I don't want to get into that frame of mind ever .... or let DH get into it either!

This may count as retro and therefore belong on the other thread about vintage clothes.

However.

I can highly recommend as having a positive effect on wellbeing, that you look at your knicker drawer, and throw away all those formerly white, now gray, pairs of pants and all especially all those that you think may have outlasted your current, and perhaps several previous relationships.

It is deeply theraputic, especially if, like me, you realize what a lot of tat you have been wearing when you could have been wearing the nice, pretty, non-bobbly pants you actually like. And especially if, like me, it leads you to realize you will never again fit into or attempt to wear a bra made of two scratchy lace triangles roughly the size of doritos.

I was feeling really quite cheered up by how much baggage by way of relationship reminders/body issues I was binning. Until I checked the label in a pair of pants and saw it read 'M&S Age 11-12'.

Learn from my shame, please, and chuck yer minging pants before they're museum-worthy.

Good for your DD Helvetica.

'the mascara police did not arrest me' -

For me the thing I really struggle to do is going out without plucking my brows. I can go out with no makeup or with unshaved legs but I feel strange with unplucked brows.

I obviously need to work on this!

WiF - hope you're ok and feeling less edgy now.

Pralines and cream is so good - M&S maple pecan is similar and even better, IMO.

Ahem.

I was meant to be admiring the zen-like healthful soup, right?
That sounds tasty too.

But not as tasty