Wellbeing Thread - who's in?

So what bits do you think are the patriarchal stuff thunderbolts?

I think it's always difficult to sort out what you're doing for yourself, and what you're doing to meet some kind of culturally constructed beauty standard.

Actually scrap that, I suspect that every human interpretation of "looking good" is culturally constructed. Although apparently there are certain things which are universal - a symmetrical face and body is generally considered the beauty norm (for both men and women) across all cultures. But apart from that, everything else is up for cultural grabs.

Is anybody else a bit concerned that people are talking about skincare, clothes and weight loss in the feminist topic, completely uncritically?

There are obviously other things in here too, but it's worrying to see those being injected in without any feminist analysis.

I know people like these things and I'm not criticisng them for that (I used to, bar the weight loss thing) but there is a Style and Beauty topic if people want to talk about losing weight or what will make them look "good" (beauty is a patriarchal standard after all).

If this is a feminist wellbeing thread then the patriarchal stuff has to go, otherwise it's just reinforcing it, not offering any challenge to it at all.

agree blackcurrants - it's basically justifying any pleasure or time you may have by having thought of how it's good for the children in some way. it doesn't need justifying via the children - we're allowed to do stuff because we enjoy it or it's good for us without apologising and justifying ourselves.

my dog is my compost heap. i no longer feel so bad about ds taking a pear and only eating what i'd consider a quarter of it before giving up because the dog eats the rest along with apple cores, bruised bananas and just about anything really

i've been doing the oil cleansing for a few days now. i like it but can't say i notice any difference to my skin really but maybe that's because i didn't use soaps or scrubs or anything chemical generally anyway? or maybe i wait for the miraculous beautifying effects that are about to happen?

we've had a hectic busy few days including the fem11 conference and subsequent early start/late night and train journeys so my well being plan today is to let us have a chilled day around the house and a nice walk at some point in the afternoon. except i've just realised there's not clean uniform - grr. better get on it

Sounds like there's lots of good stuff in there blackcurrants - the frosty walks, spiced hot chocolate , yoga class, and snotty cuddles from DS all sound great ! Sometimes I think the DC's are a very happy bonus if anyone knows what I mean ?

heh, some days are more wellbeing-y than others for me, too - last night, for example, I watched Glee and drank spiced hot chocolate and it was pretty much the perfect end to the week - mind you, this morning is frosty and beautiful and I'm really looking forward to my dog walk.

I just want to avoid the chore-like stuff. I'm not going to do 'oh, i should go the gym' and things, cos I never do and it just makes me feel like shit. Whereas if I join the local yoga place I will feel GOOD about it and good after classes and actually go, and then I'll feel good about going, and momentum will build!

I'm not beating myself up about this, the point is nurturing, not yet-another-thing I'm not good enough for!
So this morning, tea, DS laughing at Elmo and giving me (snotty) cuddles, and yeah - that's pretty blissful too!

Oohh, banana bread, Is there any left ?

Enjoyed your musings blackcurrant WRT being able to make choices for our own benefit, and not just as it affects the DC's.

I haven't actually done much yet either ComradeJing - though I did go to a good free hours training at our local Women's Centre yesterday to understand computers better, and break through the bits where I've got a bit stuck. Skype sounds very promising, and could help us keep in touch better with family and friends. Anyone use it ?

Anyhow, like you Comrade I'm having good thoughts
Swimming next week ?
You're right LRD November is a bit of a challenge - as well as a good excuse !

Girders sorry, I wasn't having a go or suggesting your DH was a pain. More musing out loud at you saying being tidy was controversial.

Mad :o Yes, being able to do up your trousers is good too.

I've still done nothing on my list but I've been having a good think about things and how I want to move forward so hopefully I can get on task soon.

i would kill for monica tendencies. i am a complete slob.

At least you make bananabread.

I just throw it in the compost.

my children leave it to rot and i have to make banana bread...

Comrade just to clarify - dh has little interest in how tidy the house is other than at a very basic level! I can be quite happy slobbing out for a weekend with the debris of family living all over the place, but I do get a sense of calm from nicely organised, ordered things. Like having all my clothes neatly folded in the drawers (which doesn't happen often) or the bookshelves being straight. All my beads and things are sorted into colour order :). I freely admit to having Monica tendencies :).

I have to add eating more fruit to my list. I have a tendency to "leave it for the children".

Just thought I'd drop in on this thread, as I actually managed to achieve my goal for the week of doing more 'activities' with DS! Maybe everyone on this thread has a different definition of 'wellbeing'. I think what I would like isn't really anything to do with physical health or pampering - I just want to somehow manage my life and my expectations so that I feel that what I am doing is what I ought to be doing at that point in time.

I think if I can do that I would live more in the moment and get rid of a lot of the constant underlying 'what am I doing with my life' stress.

That makes a lot of sense.

I don't have children, and something that I find peculiar is the attitude of people who either know I want them or assume I want them: I got a load of comments from mum/MIL/family members about how I mustn't drink too much coffee 'just in case' or I must take care to watch my weight because pregnancy is harder if you're overweight, or whatever ... and there isn't even the prospect of a baby yet! It's like a parallel world.

A friend was saying that (as she has slightly older DCs) the most important thing she's found was she had to STOP herself framing her choices in the context of her children. Eg: I work, but it's better for DCs cos they love nursery. Or, I am going to play badminton twice a week and it's good for the DCs that I have a hobby because it makes me a better mother.

She said, I have to remind myself that it's not only important because it makes me a better mother. It's important that it makes me feel good, makes me a better person. Because I deserve things for me, not things for me so I can look after other people.

I only heard it this weekend, but it's stuck with me. I know I rationalise a lot of my choices with "well it will be better for DS". THat might be true, but that's NOT what legitimizes my choice. What legitimizes my choice is that I'm an adult who gets to make choices, and a person whose life matters.

Thanks! I'm sure I will.

That jam session sounds fantastic! I have a mate who has just formed a group who play mandolin and ukelele - he's Spanish so they sing Spanish songs, mixed in with 'We will rock you'. Bizarre but fun! We went along to one of their sessions and it was great. I love it when people can be unselfconscious about music - I can't, I know I'm tone-deaf and can't forget it (nor can anyone listening).

The hobby thing is important, isn't it? It's like the point about dressing the children but not concentrating so much on yourself, maybe.

I just remembered the other thing I need to focus on - someone else mentioned taking time to study a language, and I've been needing a kick up the arse to get down to learning Russian so I can talk to my MIL. I have now bought CDs and done the first 'lesson'. I just need to keep it up. I know it will make me feel so much more confident if I can manage a bit.

have fun LRD! I spent last night having a 'music jam' session with total strangers (meetup.com, you are brilliant) in the Ukelele, which I am trying to learn (self- taught!). It was all quite a long way out of my comfort zone, and yet it was all SO much fun, singing along to "hey Jude" and mangling the chords happily. I felt great after it.
It made me realise that I don't give myself enough time for a hobby- and now I'm going to give it more time, and give myself permission to do something that is not 'improving' or 'work-useful' or 'good to know cos of DS' - it's just something I like doing. (and, helpfully, isn't watching telly or eating chocolate!)

Hi babyheave.

Your steps are pretty similar to mine then - I'm not walking every day but I'm also switching from coffee to tea and trying to get more fruit and veg.

It is now ten days since I started this thread (yay!), and I haven't done as much walking as I meant to. I blame November. But I have cut out coffee and I'm feeling so, so much less bloated and headachy. I'm not sure if I have actually lost weight but my clothes feel looser, and I've not been eating masses of gingerbread and icecream and so on, so it must be the coffee was really not good for me.

Now need to focus on:

• Getting those walks in!
• Fruit and veg
• Watching sugar overload
• My 15 minutes wind-down before bed
• Going to bed early one night a week

I am now off on an outdoorsy long weekend with DH and his mates (eek! Not my natural habitat so send me some good vibes please!).

Hope all is going well with everyone ...onwards and upwards.

Hello - mind if I join?

I do need to take some steps to feel healthier, but they are going to be small ones at first as to be honest I am at the bottom of what was a very slippery slope.

1. I will eat a piece of fruit every day.
2. I will go for a walk twice a week.
3. I will swap my cappuccino and sugar with chocolate on the top for a cup of tea as I don't have sugar in tea.

I think I can manage that, so lets see how it goes!

i'm obsessing over the colour thing now i think i'm the sort that most people would assume is autumn but as i look through i'm really not sure - can't remember which one it was now but one of the summer palettes really looked quite 'me'.

i think my colours are a bit misleading - people always assume i have really dark eyes but i don't in fact, i have long dark lashes and dark eyebrows so they seem dark but are actually quite a light yellow brown most of the time.

i want my colours done! but all i can find locally is some woman doing 'classes' - i don't want classes i want a session where you sit down and they do all the draping and trying things.

well, i'm dead chuffed that i already do those 5 necessary doodahs and also that i do ocm when i can be bothered. but i will confess that it isn't proper home grown ocm, i buy the stuff from these people because that way it feels like pampering, it's made right here in town, and it's all natural and eco aware. (they are also the company that did the zombie soap if anyone happened on that link ) i think it's safe to say that particular store takes care of my personal pampering requirements.

i do, however, need to get rid of some weight. i can't fit into any of my clothes and it's dragging me down. i'm also out of the healthy bmi range. i do note the suggestion of buying larger clothes, but i like mine. i just can't get them done up any more... (and dainty flower i ain't. ) i've been losing a few pounds here and there, but not hugely successfully. strong and active i am, but i also can't do up my trousers.

so i'm going to ponder that and have a read.

Girders we had a really interesting thread a while ago about keeping a house tidy. I think the issue I have with keeping house is that it is seen as a woman's job and she is judged on it not her DP or anyone else. So, if you need a tidy house to be happy that's fine but if your DH wants you to keep a tidy house because that's what his DM wants that's a different kettle of fish.

Re this thread I think that it is about mind, body and soul yes? So it would be equally valid to come and say, "I want to healthily lose 10kg for ME" as it would to say, "I want to find an hour each week to read a new book" or whatever... but then it's also about looking at why we want to lose the weight and perhaps learning to focus not on shedding kilos but getting fitter and stronger and why it's important to show our DDs strong and active women as role models instead of passive dainty little flowers.

Loving reading this thread! It really resonates with me, with the way I've been trying to "spring-clean" my life a bit (nothing extreme or major!)
Things I'm trying to do on an ongoing basis:
minimise my caffeine intake - max one caffeinated drink per day. caffeine makes me snarly and snappy, which is neither good for me or my dc!
Drink more water. Drinking more water makes me less stressed.
Now I hope this isn't too controversial, but I need to keep the house tidier - the public bits are always ok (I'm a CM) but my own room is over-cluttered. Clutter makes me stressed.
I'd like to exercise more. I'm trying to work out whether I can incorporate a second (more challenging) dance class into my week.
I've really always wanted to get my colours done. I don't care much what other people think of how I look, although i'd really struggle to go out without eyeliner. However, I hate it when I catch sight of myself in the (mercifully few in our house) mirrors, and this tired, hassled person looks back. Colours which brightened me up could be the answer. Also, I've lost track of what I like and what suits me clothes-wise, and could do with some pointers.
Love the link blackcurrants (and thank you to Helvetica for drawing it to my attention) :)

Thanks for those tips NJC. Having a hunch I could be an autumn I looked at the colour palettes from blackcurrants diagram link and feel very drawn to the "warm autumn" colour palette. It even has my gentle primrose yellow up in the corner ! Looking at some of the warm autumn celebs I could see I kind of had their sort of colouring and skin tone.

Think my daughter is "clear spring" and some of the nicest things I've found for her have been from this quite bright and bold colour palette. She does have lovely bright eyes and wonderful skin too

So, I'll maybe bear this in mind when choosing things for us both !

Hi WIF And thanks for the links regarding colour seasons blackcurrants

I'm very fond of teal and other bluey greys. But I'm confused as I feel some yellows really suit me too - I chose a primrose yellow for my wedding dress some years ago after I'd realised this which was lovely. I rarely wear pink and both black and especially white are disasters. Anyone like to suggest what I could be as I couldn't afford a consultation ! Quite like red as well. Thinking I could perhaps try more colour, variety, and brightness in my "wardrobe"

Much happier choosing clothes for the DC's - sometimes from friends or charity shop - it's so much easier and more rewarding than getting things for me !
I find it quite easy to see what suits them