why do people assume me and DH would have the same last name?

i recently missed my name. so when i got a new job i asked to be referred to in my maiden name, bank account is in maiden name so now i'm me again after 22 years

did write an e-mail and send it in my married name - which confused some people

I'd say I know slightly more people who didn't change their names than did, or couples where both changed their name to something different they'd chosen or a double-barrelled or hybrid name.

Thing is, even 20 or 30 years ago, particularly if you married fairly young, you would only have a handful of things to change if you changed your name - bank account (if you had one), driving license, inland revenue details, utility bills, records at work, that's about it. Now, just think of how many on line accounts, loyalty cards, store and credit cards, services, etc. plus all the ones from before. I would imagine it would be an absolute nightmare trying to make sure every single one got changed.

Also, I've heard too many stories of women who've been shafted by banks, utility providers, etc., where they've changed their surname to that of their husbands and they get arsey about talking to them without the agreement of the husband, and such.

I think it's just the convention. These things take a while to filter through. eg a lot of people seem to think that ms is "for" divorced women, although where they get that idea from I have no idea!

It is an issue
But I think that it will happen to you a lot and you will spend a lot of time feeling irked!

So talk about it on here rather than getting annoyed IRL

I don't think it's a non issue - to me it's very much an issue that women still overwhelmingly take their partner's names (and often without thinking much about it). But people will assume, because it is still the norm. I take great joy in telling everyone who will listen that I am not changing my name thankyouverymuch

we get random sales calls, and when dh picks up they ask for Mr Nailak, he just says sorry there is no Mr Nailak living here, must confuse them

Having said that, DH does get pissed off when he introduces himself by his (very common) first name - and people say "Oh, are you "firstnameandTakver". So I guess he gets it a bit in reverse, oddly.

I would say its the other way around - people don't expect DH & me to have the same surname, but they are often surprised to find out we are married.

If people don't know you well enough to know your names - how do they know you're married?

Probably because most women still do change their name when they marry. When friends of mine started getting married, I was constantly surprised that they took their husbands' names because I'd assumed it was quite an old-fashioned thing to do. Obviously not. One friend and her husband both double-barrelled but everyone else stuck with convention. I don't know how long it would take to change such a tradition.

Statistically most married couples have the same last name so its a reasonable assumption if they have nothing else to go on.

I've kept my own name but very few people I know in the UK have done the same (it's much more common on the continent). I am occasionally called Mrs Husband's Surname and have post addresed to Mr & Mrs Husband's Surname (usually by the hubby's family) but I don't mind, nor do I correct them.

The hubby doesn't mind either when he's called Mr My Surname when we are on hols as I always make the hotel reservations in my name and receptionists invariably assume we both have the same surname.

People just assume that married couples have the same surname (and that a couple sharing a double bedroom at a hotel are married)

Everyone I know changed it! I still think that changing it or going double-barrelled is the norm. Some people I know kept their maiden name for their work though.

It will take a long time for things to change and people to get used to newfangled ways. Just teh other day there was a thread on here where someone's bank wouldn't let them be ms as they were married, said they had to be mrs. There is a long way to go.

I'm sorry you're feeling irked.

I agree with belfry.

"why do people assume..." Because statistically, they're right to assume.

Politically, morally, they're wrong to assume. But we certainly have not moved past all that. Hope we do by the time my daughter grows up.

Don't the majority of women change their name on marriage? Seems like a reasonable assumption to me.

Maybe this is an argument for making Registered Partnerships available for everyone. Or maybe it's an illustration of "the baggage that comes with marriage".