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Original poster

Is it less socially acceptable for women to be geeky?

87 replies

mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 09:25

The reason I ask is because I am both a geek and a SAHM and I have yet to meet any mums like me.

I suspect that there are some, but they are not as open about it as I am. This makes me wonder if there is a certain amount of societal pressure for women not to be seen in that fashion.

So, I suppose the real question is, if this is the case, why? Thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 10:59

TheRealTillyMinto you can't be Borg unless you've said "Resistance is futile." Unless you are the Borg Queen, in which case, you are awesome!

OP posts:
TheRealTillyMinto · 19/10/2011 10:56

I am a geek. My name is the Real Tilly Minto and I am the Queen of IT.

I dont think it is acceptable for women to be geeky (which I do care about) but for myself....

...I dont care what other people think. Today I am wearing a skirt with socks and trainers. Comfortable!

Why would I want to be a 'normal'? (I am truely a proper geek.... I understand computers much better than most other geeky people. I intuitively know if something something is possible or the right solution. DP says i am Borg.)

My friends accept me as i am & if someone doesn't like me, it probably says something about their personal need to fit in rather than anything about me.

Society expects women to be compliant & fit in. Women should be accomodating.

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 10:18

I suppose I've noticed though that fathers don't do this. The majority of the time, it seems to be women who give up things. Though to be fair, I think geekiness isn't necessarily something you need to give up.

I have also found that since I've become a mother, I am more determined to be myself than ever and if that means I don't quite fit in, so be it. I want to teach DD to be herself no matter what as I've spent too much of my life trying to please everyone and fit in.

OP posts:
Hopstheduck · 19/10/2011 10:07

i think also, when you have kids, you get busier and I found that I no longer had much time for my own interests. I used to play the flute and clarinet before I had the kids, and then I never had time.

AMumInScotland · 19/10/2011 10:03

Maybe then it's that when women become mothers they feel more pressure (internal or external) to fit in with societal norms? That it's ok when you're young to be into that sort of stuff, but that becoming a "mother" means you have to fit in somehow?

BertieBotts · 19/10/2011 10:03

I have found a few "geeky" women who are mothers online (where else? Grin) Mainly in the US and Canada, at least the ones I've come across. It's cool to be a geek online Wink

One of my friends' soaps that she used to make (she ran out of money :() www.facebook.com/SeraphimLeighSoaps - I think you would appreciate Grin

Hopstheduck · 19/10/2011 10:00

'I'm not terribly socially competent myself so my opinion may be irrelevant.' don't be so self-disparaging! Like you said, it's subjective.

I bet if you went on forums for like minded geeky types you would find more mums.

Original poster
mumwithdice · 19/10/2011 09:54

Sorry, I forget that it is a subjective term. I'll say what it means to me. When I was in the later stage of pregnancy, I spent time learning programming languages and playing computer games. I happen to love Star Wars and steampunk and my MN name refers to the 20 sided dice (d20s) used in roleplaying. I know several other women like this, but no other mothers.

Of course, I'm not terribly socially competent myself so my opinion may be irrelevant.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 19/10/2011 09:48

I'm the same, though not quite the "level" of geekiness that DP is - I refuse to get sucked into the big MMORPGs because I know they would take over my life, but I love fiddling around on the computer, seeing what I can do on photoshop, making custom items to go into my sims games etc, playing around with a bit of programming (which I suck at, TBH) and generally being online. I seem to know my way around a computer more than most women I know, although of course most people are at least semi-computer literate now.

I'm just reading Delusions of Gender at the moment and there's an interesting bit in there about computer science and gender. Apparently, before the likes of Bill Gates, Steve Jobs etc came along software programming was very much a female domain. But now it's almost exclusively male and there's almost this element that it's not something women are good at. It is very maths and logic based.

Hopstheduck · 19/10/2011 09:46

What do you mean by geeky?

I'm interested in technology and I like video games, same as dh. I got all interested in that thread about what to buy a geeky dh though and that was all star wars and the like, which wasn't really my idea of geekiness.

Rogers1 · 19/10/2011 09:41

mmwithdice I am seen as the same (compared to my sisters & most friends). I have friends but not best friends as I am 'different' somehow. I enjoy crafts & family time...as my friends are partying etc.

AMumInScotland · 19/10/2011 09:41

I guess it depends how you define "geek"! I think a lot of the things that get men classified as geeks have to do with obsessive behaviour/interests and lack of social skills, rather than just being interested in technology, comics, steampunk, computer games, whatever.

So it may be that women who have "geeky" interests manage to still come across as "socially competent" and so don't seem as geeky?

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