Help me to help my three year old realise that girls aren't shit!

I'm just really concerned that the way I'm raising him won't have as much of an impact as anything his dad does. He absolutely adores him, despite him being shit. I do feel very annoyed that he feels he can laugh at me for taking parenting seriously. He wouldn't do half of the things that I do. Wouldn't be good for his image

As far as I can tell, the nursery are absolutely fine with children playing with any toys. Although my son does have some typically girls toys at home, he's far more likely to stick with cars when he's there. I wouldn't have a problem with that if I really believed he like them that much, but I do have a problem with him sticking to cars because that's what the other boys are doing and the other toys are girls toys.

I'm located near Birmingham (more black country - dudley). There is a Birmingham feminist group, but I can't go because it's on an evening. I'm a single parent with no transport! I'm also incredibly awkward with people in real life

It is true that I would like my partner to be spending more time with my son. He's just having great difficulty finding a job in this area. It feels like it's never going to happen.

The only child he regularly sees outside of nursery is a little girl. They come over to our house once a week. But he's not overly fond of her. Partly because she's a girl, she's a year younger than him and has very little english. It's not her first language and her speech is very confused. Often combines the two languages or just babbles. I originally thought that her mom had similar ideas to mine. She comes from a country with a different culture to ours. A lot more female friendly. She also mentioned doing volunteer work for womens aid, so I was really hopeful, but then she's come out with some absolute corkers. It was a bit of a disappointment.

I have tried to challenge his dad, but he's very difficult to get through to. He's the kind of person who would argue that the grass is blue if it suited him that day. His whole family live their life by lying. It's difficult to be around someone like that. He will just refuse to accept the truth, and you can go no further when a person will reject everything you say, no matter how much evidence there is. I even lent him a very accessible feminist book, but had to ask for it back because it was clear that he was never going to read it and I thought it might disappear. He honestly doesn't realise how awful and prejudiced he is. He's the kind of person who will happily come out with a lot of hateful, racist speech if he has an argument with somebody who isn't white. But claims to not be a racist. I don't really have the opportunity to confront him and his dad because I'm not there and don't see a lot of it. But I know what they're like. I'm also in the awkward position of not being able to challenge him because he'll not take anything I say seriously. I am only a woman, after all!

And as for what you said about childcare workers promoting equality, I'm sure they have to, but I'm sure that a lot of stuff slips through. And a lot of stuff has already happened at home by that point.

We went to his play and stay session at the nursery about two weeks ago. The number of girls running around in pretend princess heels with fairy wings and cleaning accessories was depressing. One boy did wear a dress at one point and my son was very, very shocked. Thought it was wrong. I just don't understand how this has happened!

I still remember going to the play and stay session at his pre-school and hearing a comment that the manager made. A little girl was playing near us, trying to use a remote control to make a little rubbish truck move along. She hadn't realised that there were two and she was actually controlling the other one. The manager showed her and then turned to me and said, "It's us women - we're just not technical!" as though it was incredibly funny. I was so offended that a stranger would imply that I'm stupid because I'm female.

I have tried telling him that I was or am a girl and that I'm cool, but I don't think he really believes it. His dad likes to refer to me as 'just a mom' now, which is obviously incredibly funny... I forgot that I stopped being a real human being once I gave birth. He doesn't want to have sex with me, so I don't matter. And as for the other remarks his dad makes, we're not together and he's incredibly sexist (but doesn't realise it). I've actually had to sit there and listen to him telling me how he managed to 'get' a stripper, as though it's some great achievement. I'm certain that he regularly brags about that. He's actually one of the most false and shallow people I've ever come across. He also liked to tell me how he was considering splitting up with his current girlfriend because he could get someone like that (a stripper). Clearly, being paid to be leered at makes you a superior specimen. And my son thinks the sun shines out of his arse :( I really struggle with it. He wants to be just like him.

He does help with the chores and has a little chart which he fills in. He sorts his own laundry, puts his own ironing away, makes his own bed etc. I have been to toddler groups, but really didn't meet a single person who thought the same way. He's currently at nursery and I'm still having difficulties. I've so far been advised to take him to karate and do more 'boyish' activities with him, so he doesn't get picked on by the other boys... He has growth problems and there's no way I'd advise that he starts hitting other children as a way of dealing with problems! It's thoroughly depressing :(

I'm not at all a 'girly' kind of person and am good at things men are generally considered to be good at, but he doesn't see that too often. Sees me cleaning and looking after him. And his dad loves to paint me as 'that old nag'. Generally talks about me as though I'm very uncool, because I'm a mom. I don't think he even realises what he's doing. I've tried to talk to him about it, but he told me that he didn't believe feminism was relevant any more, because women have achieved total equality. Had to laugh. He isn't even willing to look at hard facts and statistics. Just disregards them.

I've been discussing this with my partner, but he's really the only support I have. He can also see that it's a problem and it's getting worse as he gets older. Unfortunately, he doesn't live anywhere near us and only sees us at weekends. My parents like to talk about how he's a 'proper little boy', because he loves trucks and diggers and running about. I can't believe they can't see that he likes that stuff because that's what's been pushed at him. I wonder whether they'd think he wasn't a proper boy if he preferred playing with dolls.

I feel really pissed off that the rest of the world is filled with morons and they're already placing restrictions on him.