Help me to help my three year old realise that girls aren't shit!

gender stereotyping is indeed part of the education system but it's simply a sort of "uniform" in the end ... every societies have these "uniforms", "masks", and much more, but when the kids grow up they're pretty much free of doing as they please and dressing as they like, to be hetero or to be gay or lesbian or bisex ... no matter what kind of toys they've played at kindergarten or if the mother forced them to wear pink suits.

forcing a neutral-genderness on kids will only confuse them and make them suffer, unless they're gay, but talking with gays they all told me they liked opposite sex toys even when very young, so once again as i said before "the kid knows better" and there's not much we can do about it.

ask any technical men he will tell you he had tons of Lego when kid, and plenty of other toys requiring analytical skills ... i see the same pattern in my sons and daughters, no matter if i try with Lego, my daughters disdain Lego while my sons can't live without Lego.

who am i to force dolls and pink suits on my sons ?
let them play, they're just kids !

"I think what Blitz is getting at is he shouodn't be indoctrinated."

I think what the OP is also getting at is that he shouldn't be indoctrinated. Our views simply differ on what that indoctrination is. Is it any more indoctrinating to "force" a girl to play with fairies, dolls and dress in pink than it is a boy? Because that's exactly what is happening today..

"FYI a car can be boys toy because sportscars are typically associated with rich and powerful men" - that's my point! Boys liking cars isn't innate or instrinsic - but entirely cultural and based on role-modelling.

He might hate women more if he's constantly indoctrinated with feminism if he doesn't like it

i'm simply saying the kid knows better and if he likes toy trucks and toy guns well welcome to reality, that's exactly what every other male kid does !

and my daughters never play with toy trucks, sorry, they like dolls, pink stuff and any other usual "girly" toy as their female friends at school.

besides, i feel it's pretty pointless to force a so called "gender neutral" playground on kids as outside your house anything else is strictly "gendered" and rightfully so.

feminism doesn't mean feminizing male kids, and the OP's son seems to be pretty clear about it ... he likes male toys, he loves his father, he says girls are rubbish... who can blame him as long as his mother daily tries to indoctrinate him on feminism and gender-neutralism ?

and i laugh at the idea of the school boss hearing the mother wanting gender-neutral toys ... hahaha ... get a life.

Messy I think what Blitz is getting at is he shouodn't be indoctrinated. If he wants to be play with boys toys then let him, he doesn't need to be encouraged to play with girls toys. FYI a car can be boys toy because sportscars are typically associated with rich and powerful men, as are vintage cars, musclecars etc

KRITIQ I'm not having a dig but you must have been raised in a different era. When I was at nursery age EVERY boy and girl was anti the opposite sex, no joke or exxageration here

As for the last part of your post then OP can be at fauly when her boy is called a poof, fag etc for wearing a pink top or liking girl things because his "alpha male" peers knows he doesn't conform

Blitz, your agenda looks pretty transparent here and it's not about providing any kind of constructive information or advice to the OP. Saying her actions constituted abuse of her child that she could be sued for? What a crock.

On a more relevant note, I'm not convinced that all kids at nursery age are "naturally" anti the opposite sex. My worry is that with increasingly rigid gender stereotyping in toys, clothing, books, etc., it adds unnecessary pressure on both boys and girls to confirm to a defined (by the market mostly!) identity that can constrict their natural abilities and restrict the development of their interests and aspirations.

No one is advocating that boys be made to be feminine or girls made to be masculine. It's only about allowing them to be children, to grow, to learn, to experience, to achieve, without having it drummed into them at every turn that

A. Boys do this, girls do that and you have to conform or you will be a pariah forever.

B. To be a "proper" boy you can't be like or do anything associated with being a girl, because girls are not as "good" as boys.

Blitz, get off your high horse. The OP didn't anywhere say she "forced" her son to play with "female" toys. Why would you misinterpret her words so much? Unless of course you wanted to..

What exactly are female toys anyway? Why would a DD not want to play with a toy car? What is it about a frikkin car that makes it a boy toy? Do women not drive cars? Please explain why a car is male? I'd love to hear it..

And as for your oh-so-comforting "thanks god he still have a father to compensate from what his mum is shoving down his throat." all I can say is - thank god the son has a wise mother to compensate for all the crap people like you are shoving down his throat...

why deleting my message ? i just stated the obvious : it's silly to force a son playing with female toys, no wonder he refused dolls and pink clothes.

would you do the same with your daughters giving them toy cars, toy guns, toy monsters ?

thanks god he still have a father to compensate from what his mum is shoving down his throat.

I think it's very natural at this age and absolutely doesn't mean you've failed in any way. It would probably be very natural for him to think these things even if he wasn't picking up stuff from his dad and grandad. FWIW DD2 (4.5) regularly informs me that boys are silly, that she hates boyes, that all boys do is play stupid chasing games etc .

I would just carry on doing what I'm sure you are doing - eg. tell him about Joan of Arc when he says "girls cry but boys are brave"; say "lots of men like pink and wear pink shirts" when he says "I don't like pink, it's for girls" etc etc.

OP, I agree that it is very tough to counterbalance all the stuff that is shoved down kids' throats and then proclaimed as "natural". But I can second what Jasper said - that the dislike between boys and girls at that age is pretty mutual and doesn't necessarily mean that he won't turn into a lovely human being.

I've always pointed out sexist stereotypes where I see them (and believe me there are loads of ones that are negative for boys too) but in a jokey-taking-the-mickey way and DS doesn't seem at all harmed by it. In fact he loves to yell out "stereotype" at dumb movies / adverts etc - he thinks it's quite fun.

Just keep on doing what you're doing - modelling good behaviour and it'll seep in hopefully - that's all you can do!

Stars, you say you haven't many other family friends with children, that's a shame as that's absolutely the best place to counter any picked-up comments (which is all they are at this age, not deeply held beliefs). If he came round to my house, he wouldn't see crying girls or lots of pink or any cleaning! We have quite a few familly friends with boys and I think it works incredibly well as they all mix in together as friends,whereas in school I wonder if sometimes children start getting pushed towards gender groups and norms that bit quicker.

No great solution, but it sounds like your real worry is that he will be like his dad. He won't, but don't try to convince him his dad is in the wrong as it won't work and just sets up an oppositional dynamic between you. Model your own life the best you can and transmit your values. He will then grow up and realise his dad's attitudes to women are outdated at best and (I won't say what) at worst.

Blitz Mum, wtf are you talking about? Your post is repusive.

Lots of wee girls his age have exactly the same dislike for boys. Don't worry too much

no i dont ban gender specific toys.i accept graciously and if its played with fair enough. imo,there are bigger things to sweat than toy kitchens and barbie for girls and guns and pirates for boys. im not in favour of creating a forbidden list.

and no what my kids play with at nursery isnt necessarily what they have at home. to an extent nursery creates a demand,peer pressure and swop toys or play with each other toys at parties play dates. ime home doesn't create the demand for what played with at nursery

at nursery all kids have an allocated key worker,and they are supposed to keep a file on child progress and meet each few months to liaise with parents

I tend to rely on 'Only silly people think that' if DS comes out with anything sexist.

school and nursery all exerts a subtle peer pressure for gender stereotyped toys. another child has it, or you get given such toys as gifts and before you can say barbie your girl has princessy wings and a tiara

We're struggling a bit at the moment with adverts. All the toys are ridiculously gender stereotyped and DS comes out with things like 'girls things are rubbish'. I try and explain that all toys are for all children, some toys are cool and some are rubbish, and pointing out that he likes playing with his female friends' toys (my friends all think like me so have a good variety of toys) but I don't know if he believes me.

To be honest, my friends with girls are having a harder time. They are intelligent, professional women who aren't girly, have tried hard to be gender neutral in bringing up their DDs, yet now seem to be fighting a losing battle against the flouncy frilliness and fairy wings that their DDs seem to passionately desire.

its the dad you have a problem with not the son,you need to stop all this what if about a wee boy.

ok so in actuality your worries about son are bit heightened and hes an ok wee boy.

you have a gripe with the dad, but dont enact out upon your son. dad may well be a bit of a caveman.but that in no way means that your son will be too. dont project misgivings about the dad onto the son

and no youre not correct about play with pink and princess stuff=grow up become a princess.it isnt a straight forward causal relationship as that .it really isnt. nor does a wee boy dressing as pirate and waving a sword mean he will go onto pillage. you are making this way to simple it isnt a straight forward cause and effect. i know plenty wee girly girls all pink and ta-da havent gone on to be princessy at all

essentially modelling,societal pressures ,family relations,child preference all impacts.and the exact nature if it all isnt known and is contentious