When you meet new people at what point do you 'out' yourself as a feminist?

I don't really 'do' laughing sweetly myself. Doesn't seem very direct.

Never punched anyone for not being a feminist either

Well if you must eschew violence, how about laughing at them all sweetly, then when they ask why you are laughing, say, Oh but you can't possibly mean those things because you are a decent human being. Shame them into it.

'Fetchez La Féministe' - that sounds wonderful!

hully - nope, never punched anyone and certainly not the senior-to-me men who usually come out with this stuff. It'd make a terrible mess over the sherry.

this thread reminds me of a lovely girl i met in a dublin youth hostel when i was a student.

she literally said 'hi, i'm x and i'm an ecofeminist' the moment we walked into the dorm

my friend and i are both feminist (she in a more academic way than me) and i have an interest in some forms of ecofeminism but we still can't keep a straight face when people talk about it because of the girl from the dublin youth hostel.

Its really funny but because I have purple spikey hair people tend to assume I am a feminist! I recently had a woman ask what my husband thinks of my being a feminist. That makes me really mad. I dont really care what he thinks but he happens to agree with me and accompanies me when he is can on feminist activism. I dont suppose I would be married to him if he didnt.

I have also been told I am too nice to be a feminist, whatever that means.

Don't think we have TPS in France. Did have equivalent Orange service for a while, but created havoc with my work (work from home).

Could be brilliant fun with the Avon lady.

I'm intigued by the notion of these conversations

Person: You can't be a feminist, you're too nice
Fem: What is your understanding of a feminist?
Person: Oh you know, someone who hates men, wears dungarees and likes a bit of muff
Fem: Do you think that women and men should have the same rights, privileges etc etc?

1. Person: Er, yes

1. Person: No

No?

Beach, as an aside, you could just sign up to the TPS..

Nobody has ever told me that I can't possibly be a feminist because I'm too nice. Hmmm...

Seriously, though, I have grown so fed up over the years of hearing the words "I'm not a feminist, but..." out of the mouths of intelligent women (who suddenly realise, upon further investigation on my part, that they may not be feminists but they seem to believe firmly in all the main tenets of feminism) that I make a point of using the "F" word whenever the opportunity arises. I obviously don't introduce myself as Fetchez La Féministe, but as it's clear the patriarchy has done a top job of making feminism a dirty word, I'm just trying to do my bit to reclaim it.

Will you give it a try and get back to us?

I see to get about a hundred phone calls a week asking me to buy solar panels for my roof - might try it on them.

Poor person who has to do cold calling - "Good Morning, can I interest you in some solar panels?"
Beach - "No thank you I'm a radical feminist who wishes to smash the Patriarchy. Come the revolution your capitalist solar panels will be up against the wall."
Cold caller - Hangs up quietly and has a new one to tell her work mates about on her break.

Beachcomber - do you think it would work with the plethora of people who arrive on my doorstep trying to get me to change my gas/electricity provider?

PMSL at Blackcurrants' MANIFESTO.

That's how I feel about it too. Of course one's values and politics come across to others by things we say and mention, but I think the actual word 'feminist' popping up (naturally) in conversation is a Good Thing.

BIWI - the Mormons were very nice actually. They agreed that we didn't have an awful lot in common, shook my hand and said it was nice to meet someone with convictions. I almost invited them in to sign my MANIFESTO.

Oops. I laughed so much I managed to post twice.

You put it so much better than me Blackcurrants! That is exactly what I was trying to say.
And [grina] at the mental image of you introducing yourself like Captain Mainwaring from Dads' Army!

You put it so much better than me Blackcurrants! That is exactly what I was trying to say.
And [grina] at the mental image of you introducing yourself like Captain Mainwaring from Dads' Army!

I think (this is a tentative response to all the people who don't want to 'label themselves') - while I don't go up to anyone and shake their hands shouting "CURRANTS! LEFTIE FEMINIST WOMEN'S LIBBER! SIGN UP TO MY MANIFESTO!" I do think there is a benefit to 'coming out' as feminist, much the same way that there is a benefit to 'coming out' as gay. Not just the huge personal benefit, but a benefit to everyone you meet- in that it normalizes it. The people I know who've said "oh you can't be a feminist! You're too nice!" have had to readjust their idea of what a feminist is, because now they know that they actually have one out-and-proud feminist in their social group. And if she is not like that stereotype, perhaps the stereotype isn't quite right?

Research shows that the most effective way for people to change their minds about an 'other' group -whether it's homosexuals, atheists, whatever, is to know them socially. To realise that actually Joan from across the road is a feminist and gosh her children get to school relatively on time and she doesn't eat aborted foetuses for breakfast... so perhaps feminism isn't quite what the rumour says... that's a valuable form of testimony.

That is a very true point.

I think with arseholes, I just don't have the pateince!

Actually, a few months back I didn't say anything and regretted it, so I am on an evangelical kick now.

Actually one little point that I have always noticed and one of the upsides to keeping yourself guarded at first is that you are much better placed to find out what people really think when they don't know how you feel about something in the first place.

After living in the UK for a while people stopped noticing or hearing that I was foreign, it meant that I got to hear what they really thought about immigrants as I never mentioned where I was form unless someone picked up the accent.

Also both my mother's and father's dad's are black. (by odd coincidence in that era both my white grandmother's got knocked up while unmarried teenagers by white men and then went on to marry black men while my parents where babies. They then each had large mix raced families. I don't as you can imagine take well to racism in any form and was much older before I found out that they were not my natural grandfathers. I am not ashamed at all but it's still not something that gets mentioned in casual conversation often. But people will occasionally make casual racist comments because all they see is an obviously white woman.

I like it because I can weed out the assholes, if I made a point of telling everyone they would probably hide that aspect of themselves.

Like Hully I always assume that feminist is e/o's default position. Since I'm pushing 44, maybe the fact that that isn't others' experience is a depressing indication of cultural shift (the wrong bleeding way).

That's the problem with posting- it leaves too much up to interpretation! not sure who is right but I do know the Op hasn't been back for 2 days so we're unlikely to know what it is she really meant either way!

I've sometimes found that I feel a bit strange with new people because it's not yet clear if we do all have the same views - unless you are very unusual, or very careful, I think it's normal to meet people with different views from yourself. I used to think 'everyone' was a feminist. How wrong that was.

So I suspect that makes me read the OP a bit differently.

Alys - IME, it comes up when you object to sexism, they react with disbelief or anger and think you are joking or being rude, and they make some comment, usually along the lines of 'why would you say that' or 'what's your problem?'.

Or it comes up because it's tricky explaining why you object to prejudice against women without mentioning at least something to do with feminism. Though I have seen people get into amazing verbal contortions trying to do so.

Oh, see I read that differently TBH.

I thought she meant she felt odd not mentioning it because she didn't think they're realized.

I'm not ashamed of it but I can honestly say it has never come up in a conversation. The expression of feminist views, of course, but the question 'are you a feminist?' or the need for me to explain my views as 'of course, I am a feminist you know' has never arisen.

It's like I have friends who are religious and might talk about church or Ramadan or something, so I know from that what religion they are. Or friends who post a load of stuff from the left wing blogosphere on facebook, so I know their politics. Or friends who I eat with who pick something vegan off a menu. But I don't tend to follow it up with so are you a christian, muslim, socialist, vegan etc.

If it's obvious from your actions, then it goes without saying. And if it's not obvious from your actions, how does it come up in conversation.

Not that it really matters