Feminist approach to housework chat/support thread

BTW I am MNing whilst DH tidies the kitchen.

But we don't have a great balance all the time. We got caught out by that thing that happens when the woman stops working to look after babies and suddenly ends up doing the lion's share of the housework.

I now work from home and the children are at school. Our balance is much better now but we have both had to work at it and step out of mainstream assumptions in order to find a way that works fairly. We still have work to do though.

Thanks for your OP Bertie. I would like to join in because I am a feminist and I have a genuine interest in a chat/support thread that has a feminist approach to it. Clever of you to post it in the feminist section so that it doesn't clutter up other areas of MN where people might think that it is a debate thread!

So just to make sure I have understood, the title of the thread is;

Feminist approach to housework chat/support thread

What a good idea, so we can have a chat about approaching housework in a different way to the mainstream traditional way, is that correct? So this is sort of like the 'resisting femininity' threads where like minded people get together to chat about something, if I understand correctly?

Great that your OP/title was so clear about what the intentions of the thread are, so people won't mistake this for a debate thread.

I just hope it doesn't get stomped all over the way the resisting femininity thread did, by people with an overinflated sense of entitlement and a 'resistance to feminism' who think they can disrupt and derail other people's conversations!

Anyway, I'm in. Great idea for a thread sharing feminist ideas and experiences is really helpful and enriching.

your ma and pa sound like they have it sussed.

It was a case of the two weeks he was home he'd do the majority of the housework while DMother worked... She insisted on doing the ironing though.... He killed many a shirt. :(

Funnily enough, he still seems to do the majority of the housework, now they're both retired, but argues that Mum does most of the cooking which is more gruelling (especially as they live somewhere rather hot, so the kitchen gets even more gruelling) BUT he's forbidden from doing any housework when they have "local" guests (Greek, tend to believe that housework is a woman's job)

dont call me Your father should have been IMO (assuming I'm reading this right and that your dad was on a "two weeks on/two weeks off" job so when he was at home, he wasn't going to work)

Frothy, I'm hoping your DFather had some time to relax after gruelling fortnight then pitched in with the housework! What actually happened?

Please read my post again. I didn't say that you name called anyone. I said that you were aggressive and that you could have phrased your disagreement in a less antagonistic way.

And the fact is you have derailed this thread. Because it is now about you and the issues that you wish to discuss rather than the OP's.

But SM, we have explained where we see your posts as problematic. Why not examine your views?

OK, let's try this get up.

My Dfather, before retiring, worked away for 2 weeks at a time, then would spend 2 weeks at home. My DMother worked part time,5 days a week, 51 weeks a year. Now, whilst DFather was working away, 12-14 hours a day, DMother was responsible for the housework. So, when DFather was at home, and DMother was working her 23 hours a week, who should have been responsible for the housework?

i dont need to shuffle the playlist
some of you do though
or at least examine why its the default position

fem topics need to stop name calling as default postion when dont like apost. the name calling in itself is a diversionary tactic,get off topic,minimise post and poster

here the thing,it doesnt matter what names anyone types,as it doesnt change my flow on a thread.it does make me think its intellectual avoidance or laziness.is it easier to say troll, derailer than address a post not liked?

FrothyDragon

Yes and no. The problem is that a house needs basic cleaning, and whoever lives in the house has to split it between them. If there's two of you, that's arguably easier than one of you. Single parents have a tough gig because they usually have to work FT and do the housework, and don't necessarily have much less to do than a 2 parent FT working family (Maybe a bit less laundry but the loo still needs cleaning whether there's one of you or two).

misogynist was pointing out a fact. As was derailer.

Change the record.

no,lessthan.i have not name called.i have disagreed
for weeks now fem toipics hae been pushing to have different moderation,mnhq sensitive they may be attacked or called names

well,you see many here dish out names as a defaut when they dont liek or care for a post

it has become a predictable recognisable feature of fem topics, sure as eggs is eggs when a post isnt liked someone will say
derailer
is you drunk
troll
misogynist
fem topics request as needing different moderation to protect from name calling and abuse. how ironic then that namecalling is a predictable feature

if i had used any of aforementioned names,certainly that would be aggressive,i have not done so.go figure

So, a single parent who works 37+ hours a week could get away with doing less housework, then?

I agree with SM on this one - a SAHM with a wage earning 37hr week partner should do most of the housework and housekeeping if not all.

I agree that care at home should be good but it's crazy that mothers feel they are somehow inadequate if they don't spend every second of the day interacting with their child. I was really shocked at the SAHD thread where posters were saying that a SAHD with one 3 yr old shouldn't have to clear the breakfast table/wash up/hoover round because his job was to look after the 3 year old. I'd have had exactly the same reaction if it was a SAHM. Let the 3 year old play by herself for an hour a day (not even in one chunk if necessary). She'll be fine. She might even benefit from it.

They still have at least one DC that they need to provide care for. And care at home should be to a high standard. I wouldn't expect my DS to feel less cared for at home than he does at nursery.

Scottishmummy, it's not so much that I disagree with your premise that the full SAHP should do the majority of the housework, because if I worked full-time I would probably expect my DP to be largely responsible for the running of the home. So it's not that....

It's just that you came on this thread with a very aggressive manner. If you don't like the way the OP has phrased the opening post then that is fine, express yourself, but there are surely less antagonistic ways to do so. The OP wasn't being rude or aggressive herself yet you turned it into an argument.

The names that you were called enabled you cry "unfair" and label the feminist section as "unpleasant" yet if you look at your posts you will surely see that it was you that had turned the thread into something "unpleasant".

Also, nursery worker has tougher ratios- isn't it 1:3 for under 1's? Not many SAHMs have 3 kids under 1 at the same time.

nursery worker is waged doing job to a standard that is monitor and inspected, and employing company has expectation of paperwork etc

housewife at home,own pace,no paperwork etc

cannot compare unwaged housewife to employed nursery worker

nursery worker usually has nvq,or an hnc
housewife doesnt need any prerequisite experience to watch own child

I am a SAHM and (for once) agree with SM that the SAHP should do more of the housework than the P who works FT, whatever their gender. However, the caveat is that it depends how many pre-schoolers you've got at one time

• One NT pre-schooler or Kids at school. SAHP shd be able to get all of it done within the hours of a FT OH job.
• Two NT PS- I'd say at least a 70/30 split

Also, I think "clearing up after yourself" can still be expected of everyone, whatever the working circumstances- i.e. washing only gets washed if it's in the laundry basket, everyone puts own stuff in dishwasher, hanging towels up, not leaving the toilet dirty, wiping kitchen surface after making self a sandwich etc.

When I talk about "housework" I mean laundry, hoovering, cleaning etc