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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

If you could choose... would you rather have been born male?

210 replies

wellwisher · 19/09/2011 14:13

I don't post in this section much, but this is inspired by the "Do you remember a specific moment where you realised that being female put you at a disadvantage?" thread.

I have become more feminist/aware of the disadvantages of being female as I've got older. The last few years, I've realised that if I could choose, I'd rather be male. I'm at an age where I'm starting to lose my looks and panic about my biological clock, and I resent that my male friends don't have these worries yet. Almost all my female friends have settled down and started to have children, often making major compromises to do so. Almost all my male friends are still single and enjoying their freedom. It feels so unfair! It's more than that though: women have so much additional CRAP to deal with - prejudice, misogyny, objectification, being punished by society for getting older/not being conventionally pretty, feeling physically vulnerable... honestly, if I could go back to the moment of my conception, wave a magic wand and be created male instead of female, I would do it in a snap. Yet, none of my female friends feel the same way - even though most of them are relatively feminist in their views.

Maybe I just feel like this because I don't have children. Maybe it's just me, am generally a bit gloomy at the moment... but I thought it could be an interesting discussion. What would you choose? Try to set aside any feelings associated with having had babies, as this clearly adds a huge emotional aspect to the issue. I hope that any future children of mine will be boys. I really feel I wouldn't wish being born female on anyone - and I'm aware of how easy women in the UK have it compared to most of the rest of the world.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 21:07

in

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 21:07

I didn't say you were being personal, frumpy

It's me and moonferret that made it personal...you didn't have get involved in at all, in fact

Al0uiseG · 19/09/2011 21:07

Love, love, love being a woman. I like being the only woman in a male dominated household. I loved working in male dominated environments.

Ephiny · 19/09/2011 21:07

Interesting question - I'm not sure really, it's a difficult thing to imagine.

When I was younger I was definitely ambivalent about being a girl, but that didn't mean I wanted to be a boy instead, I just wanted it not to matter, not to be anyone's business, for people to stop going on about it and drawing attention to it all the time.

I think I still feel the same way. I don't feel particularly 'feminine' but I don't wish I was a man, I'd like it to matter less than it does. When it comes to having children, I'd definitely rather be the partner who doesn't have to do the pregnancy/birth part. But that doesn't necessarily equate to being a man, it could just as well be a woman with a female partner. Though DP happens to be inconveniently male...

Catitainahatita · 19/09/2011 21:05

*crux

Catitainahatita · 19/09/2011 21:04

Sorry, meant to add that none of what I say might be true for you personally, Wiley. But just because you feel one way it doesn't mean that this is the same for all women, in the same way that what I feel about it isn't the same for all women. Thus if some men enjoy no strings sex that doesn't mean all do, and visa versa. Everyone can be different regardless of biological sex. That's the cruz of my argument.

frumpyq · 19/09/2011 21:04

You got personal he was explaining what he would feel like as a woman from a mans perpective.

Ok you could say that it was a little rough around the edges but he was at least honest.

If you read what i said i said that i had reported your post to me.

Was i being personal?

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 21:02

frumpy...do you consider mf's pronouncement about women who don't get any sex to be "mingers" not to be personal ?

those kinds of comments should not go unchallenged (or undebated, if you prefer...), IMO

Catitainahatita · 19/09/2011 21:01

Wiley: just seen your last comment. Well yes, the best sex I have had have been with men I have been in a relationship with. But I have had lots of fun while not in a relationship nor secretly wanting to be in one either. I expect some men have the same experience.
What I am trying to say is that the sex outside relationships isn't really anythnig to do with being male or female, but that as a culture we often tend to see it thus.

MrsRigby · 19/09/2011 21:01

I've always felt more male than female, always thought that I should have been born a boy.

Pre pregnancy and babies, yes I wish I'd been born a man. Now that I've experienced being pregnant and brought children into this world, no, I'm happy and grateful that I've been born the way I have.

frumpyq · 19/09/2011 20:57

All i'm trying to say anyfucker is that you could do that without being personal surely?

Rise above it and debate it?

wileycoyote do you think that women are trying too hard to achieve 'no feelings' sex and it could be damaging to them?

Catitainahatita · 19/09/2011 20:57

But Wiley I don't understand much of what you said on why you'd might like to be a man. The only thing I get is when you said you'd like not to be the "default carer". But the biological clock and the no strings sex are not gender/sex specific. Men's fertility (if that is what you refer to) declines with age although it might not disappear. And I have had no strings sex quite happily, as have many of my female friends. I think it's more about cultural expectations.

What I mean is: we expect men to be able to separate sex from love in some cases, and so it is "normal" that they might enjoy no strings sex. We don't expect women to be able to, so if they do some other explication is required.

This idea is why I also questioned Moonferret; I was questioning his presumptions about attitudes to sex and relationships as being reduced to a male/female thing.

PamBeesly · 19/09/2011 20:55
wileycoyote · 19/09/2011 20:55

Although I'm sure SGB etc will argue against that and it appearssome women can have no strings sex. I have always found that if it is good sex and \I like the person I get emotionally involved.

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 20:55

rules

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 20:54

that is your prerogative, frumpy

the r"ules" need to change wrt to Derailers? too (am talking about moonferret, not you, btw)

until MNHQ cop on to that, I will continue to point it out

wileycoyote · 19/09/2011 20:54

frumpy I think if one agrees that it is the case then it is likely to be biological - men are less emotionally invested in sex if it is not with someone they are in love with or not with their primary partner because they don't end up with the resulting children to carry/birth/look after.

pamplemousserose · 19/09/2011 20:53

Yes I would prefer to be a man.
Being able to go out on my own at night
No periods
Sex without the risk of pregnancy
No bras
Not having my career being interrupted by having children
No worry about equal pay

frumpyq · 19/09/2011 20:48

frumpy I'm not saying that men don't get emotionally attached, but I think many can separate love from sex..

Would tend to agree with you there and maybe it's the gender construct they have endured that has made many of them like that?

But more and more women can also treat sex this way which makes me believe it possibly could be a human trait after all.

wileycoyote · 19/09/2011 20:46

frumpy I'm not saying that men don't get emotionally attached, but I think many can separate love from sex..

frumpyq · 19/09/2011 20:44

I'm not getting into a personal slanging match with anyone here.

But have reported your post anyfucker.

You need to step back from being personal this isn't your website it has rules.

JeremyVile · 19/09/2011 20:42

Snort@ clinker!

AnyFucker · 19/09/2011 20:41

Helpful to whom, frumpy ?

KirstyJC · 19/09/2011 20:40

I would like to be a man for a day or two, preferably when it's been snowing....I've always wanted to write my name in the snow!

Otherwise, no I wouldn't. I like being me, I happen to have breasts but other than being grateful for the free drinks they got me when I was much younger they've not really defined me.

I like being able to wear either jeans or a skirt, I like that in my youth I could get drunk, and sleep with whomever I chose, yet still be the one who decided when and where and how. (And yes I realise I was fortunate in that).

I liked that I could be a tomboy or a girly girl- I don't think many men have that chance to be feminine. Although that is the problem of the cultural expecatations and perceptions of men rather than being male itself.

I like that I can be successful in my studies, my career and motherhood - I like to think it is a chance to show others that a woman is just a person the same as everyone else and can achieve what she wants dependent on luck and effort, same as everyone else.

I have experienced sexism - mostly from people who didn't realise it (the worst kind, as it's hardest to change) but by continuing to not conform to their expectations then hopefully enough of us, over time, will change this.

frumpyq · 19/09/2011 20:39

Are you saying that men don't get emotionally attached Wileycoyote?

You're not being helpful anyfucker.