What do you do about childcare when friends visit

59 replies

oncemorewithfeeling · 18/09/2011 10:26

OK please let me know what you think. My H's friend is visiting this weekend. Beforehand we had a couple of conversations about activities for the weekend and had agreed that on Saturday night they would go out and that I would do breakfast for our 18month old on Sunday so he can have a lie in (he usually does breakfasts and I do nights). He had also planned to go for a walk and lunch somewhere you cant take a pram (I agreed) and I had mentioned I needed some time to do some work over the weekend.

Now I had assumed that just because we have a visitor does not mean he gets the whole weekend 'off' from parenting. We usually each do a stretch of solo parenting on the weekend so the other can have a break to do whatever they like. I had assumed that this would be the same but I'd try to do a bit more to give him extra time. Anyway its turns out that yesterday I essentially parented alone the whole day minus an hour, I then asked my H to do the bath which he seemed a bit annoyed about. Today I woke him at 9 (we are ususally up at 6) to take over for me and he was really annoyed.

Now he had thought that he'd get the whole weekend off. I am having a friend over soon and he's already agreed to do dinner and bath so we can go out in the evening. But apart from that I had assumed that I would do stretches of childcare over the weekend to give him time off.

Anyway he's annoyed at me and his friend seems to think I am some sort of harridan because I said just cos you hvae a friend over doesnt mean you stop being a parent, you still need to look after DD for a few hours a day. Sure I am trying to give them some time to themselves but I find it too much to parent alone all day. Im quite upset cos I had thought I was being quite generous and supporting (i had noticed that he seemed quite irritated with me whenever I was trying to arrange times for him to take over). I am doing more than my usual but he thinks I am not doing enough. He says that when my friend comes over he will do everything but he's never actually done a full day's solo parenting, besides I will want to do some things with my friend and DD together. So he will hvae some time to himself while we go off for a walk or to child friendly cafe.

OK so obviously we need tp communicate more clearly but..am I unusual in having assumed that he'd still do some childcare this weekend?

OP posts:

Original poster

oncemorewithfeeling · 18/09/2011 11:11

I am not sure why I find it so hard. She has developmental delays and so it has been like having a baby for much longer than usual, plus I was off work until fairly recently so I had to do a lot of that myself. It is much easier now that I am back at work.
I dont think I am depressed but I do find it physically tiring. I am still up in the night a few times, I still need to carry her a lot. I need to ahve a nap on the weekend on at least one of the days. Plus I have a deadline next week so I have some work thats weighing on me.
I didnt realise that its strange that I need to have a break so much

OP posts:

ThePosieParker · 18/09/2011 11:04

Are you depressed OP?

HoneyPablo · 18/09/2011 11:01

I find it too much to parent alone all day
What do you find so hard about it? Is it the drudgery or the repitative nature, or is it because you feel resentful that it's you doing it and not your DH?

ThePosieParker · 18/09/2011 10:56

You have one child and work and still require time off from your child? I find this rather odd tbh. Why do you need a break? Does your child not sleep.

Yama · 18/09/2011 10:48

Same as HoneyPablo here.

Mind you neither of us is likely to have (or want to have) a friend to stay for the weekend.

Original poster

oncemorewithfeeling · 18/09/2011 10:44

I thought he could have parts of his time with his friend with our DD. Looks like thats not so usual.

OP posts:

HoneyPablo · 18/09/2011 10:39

I would have let DH enjoy being with his friend and not expect him to do anything, tbh.
I would have done this gladly and with a smile, knowing that he would do the same for me.
I actually think your set-up is a bit weird.

jellybeans208 · 18/09/2011 10:37

I also think its quite strange he has never done a full days parenting and you struggle to do just one full day. I think this is weird as how on earth do you keep up your social life?

jellybeans208 · 18/09/2011 10:34

I wouldnt have made him personally, but then he wouldnt have made me. My husband is used to looking after our DD on his own for some weekends whilst I do my own thing. He also sometimes takes my friends/relations kids at same time too.

I have done the same for him when he has had weekends with his mates. I would hate it if my husband woke me out of bed if I was with my friends especially if it was only for 2 days

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