Motherhood, fatherhood - why do parents give ourself such different job descriptions as parents....

I work part time and took long maternity leave my DH wanted to work pt too but his work is not flexible. We are very clear that we both have work and mine includes a lot of the childcare because I work fewer hours outside the home. On top of that work we have housework, which we divide evenly (as we both hate it!) I find this is unusual as most people seem to assume that being at home / childcare automatically includes a lot of domestic drudgery, which is just wrong IMO. Obviously it's not always as harmonious as that sounds but that's the plan :-)

backtothedrawingboard, I think you're absolutely right. A SAHD often gets to make his own plan for what he's going to do and how he's going to do it. A SAHM has a template all mapped out for her and there can be a lot of subtle and unsubtle pressure if she decides she's going to do it differently.

There are far more men now staying at home but I wonder whether a SAHD is actually working to the same "job description" as a SAHM. In my experience men do not carry out the same tasks and have different views of what being at home entails. The gender differences only continue to exist in society because there are no role models or standard to follow when a man stays at home. Without a revised template to follow men and women have to make it up. This requires both parties to communicate fully, accept that they are creating a way of working which has to be committed to and be prepared to respect each persons viewpoints and work together. This is a lot to ask. So much easier to fall into stereotype!

I have always worked out of the home and dh has spent time at home (currently he is a full time SAHD). For us it's been an easy choice as I hate being at home (get very bored) and more importantly I have always earned more than dh. That's often the key factor. Particularly when women marry older men there is often a pay disparity. After maternity leave it's often seen as a choice about whether the woman goes back to work with childcare costs or stays at home with no costs. Short term economics often mean that there is sometimes a shortfall and few couples look at the whole family income when they make this choice. If the father earns more then him staying home just doesn't seem to come into the equation.

For me this wasn't the way I thought, but I didn't take a long maternity leave and never considered not going back to work. That we were worse off for a while we attributed to having children rather than to my choice IYSWIM. But I've found that viewpoint unusual, and of course we were in the lucky position where it didn't really matter that we had less money (as we had enough for all the essentials either way).

I do agree with you though, so long as you breastfeed there are different biological roles, but after that it doesn't really matter if you are the father or mother, you are both parents (and it is your personality and relationship with each child that determines how you do parent more than your gender IMO).

Isn't it the same word, with different genders, e.g. Brother/sister, aunt/uncle?