Can you be a feminist housewife?

Ditto SM.

I know lots of families who moved to Paris primarily because the woman in the couple really wanted to and was the driving force behind it (ie she chose the location) but the earner was/is the man .

It is rarely easy for two people to get simultaneous overseas postings unless they are pretty junior.

really?we have moved around uk and overseas.both working facilitated this
been remarkably easy

I'm not at all sure that the dual-earner couple model provides more choice of location than the single-earner couple. IM (very extensive) E, couples where both partners insist on maintaining their careers never move anywhere, whereas in couples where there is more give and take about careers, there is much more flexibility for seizing interesting opportunities - and not necessarily determined by the earning party. By definition, the more constraints you have in life (and jobs are a massive constraint), the less flexible you are...

Still dying to know what super duper amazing non shit job SGB does...

Nope. Not always.

We moved where we live to be near my parents.

I have now bought two houses that DH only saw after we had agreed to buy them.

The main reason I don't work is that my professional salary is pitiful compared to DH's. He can earn in an hour what I earn in a day. It is simply not worth me working. Quite apart from wanting to or not.

I think it's very easy to wax lyrical about how you would always work if your partner is not particularly high earning and your salary makes a significant difference.
Quite different if you would be working for no financial gain whatsoever.

And how about 'work that involves caring for others - paid or not - is not shitwork', and giving it some value.

choice is good but be realistic that your life isn't enmeshed in someone else choice.thats not choice.if you dont earn then the wage earner job determines location,lifestyle etc and your choice if you want to maintain things is to fit in around their choice

Or how about, work hard at school, get a good job and then you have a choice about how you live your life?

yes we do need to have that conversation with our daughters
stick in at school
get good job
dont be beholden to anyone else
retain a way of earning your own money
dont give up work,negotiate a share of tasks with your partner
dont be guilt tripped or kid self on that baies and childcare are women work and you shoulder the responsibility as nurturer and goddess
if you do give up work do so short term,and study and/or retain contacts and refs whilst looking after babies and plan to return to work when they at school

Its never cut and dry, though, the choice, is it?

I could never earn anything like what dh earns (he has a degree and managerial experience) He has a "career" whereas I only ever had "jobs" IYSWIM?

Now with 2 young dc, if I could get a job round school/nursery hours the money I could earn would probably not cover the petrol costs!

Been thinking about re-training, dont know that the hell as, mind

ds2 starts school in 2 years and it would be nice to have some choices re: work, and not have to take waitressing/cleaning/carer jobs (nothing wrong with any of them btw and have done all of them at various points in my life)

Sigh....

true bonsoir

Being away from home overnight somewhere interesting every once in a while is one of the best things about my work

Riven - I think that "choosing and not choosing" is what happens to a lot of people.

I don't think its driven by ideas about 'domestic goddesses and women's sacred duty to be homemakers' as you say SGB (well maybe it is somewhere deep, deep down.. ) - I think it's more practical, the choices you make at school, in choosing careers, in choosing a partner, in taking the main responsibility in early years, that mean later on down the line for so many women end up knowing so much more about how to look after the kids, and their partner has greater earning power it just seems to make financial sense to keep the 100% homemaker and 100% earner split, or to be the secondary earner with the less rewarding job. (plus the majority of people around them are doing the same thing, so it's a mum's club at the playground, school gate, PTA etc..and a no-mums club at work...)

Ssd - money isn't the way out of this (...although its always nicer to have money ) - people just get a bigger mortgage, higher cost of living but the calculation about whether it is worth the husbands while to do less work and more childcare is the same.

When I was a kid no one really talked to me about money and careers, it was just 'work hard at school and follow your dreams'. I think there was always the assumption that girls only needed starter careers whereas boys needed serious careers. I've only got DSs and we talk a lot about this stuff. I like to think that if I had girls I would too - about the choices you make and how the effect the choices open to you later. Otherwise another generation sleepwalks into a dead-end of choices.. ?

< I dream of being away for a night in a hotel alone and if the company's paying even better, but chance would be a fine thing!>

Lots of jobs involve being away from home overnight on a regular basis, long commutes on public tranport/in rush hour and eating nasty lunches at vastly inflated prices. Those facts alone make staying at home mighty attractive

true, someone needs to do all that, and some of us do these jobs at some time in their lives because it suits us then

Loads of jobs, paid and unpaid are repetitive and dull.

I can imagine sitting at a checkout for 8 hours a day is. Street cleaning, burger serving, table wiping.

But they are all jobs that are valuable and need to be done, exactly like housework.

I think when a man does shitwork its all the same: hoovering/cleaning the loo/ironing etc is all a bit shit no matter who does it. dh does as much as me and feels the same about the druggery, we won't ever have a cleaner or an outsourcer!! so its up to us, looking after small kids isn't shitwork but it can be repetative and boring

Firstly, I say, " Oh gosh, I don't go out to work!"

That usually shuts up any perceived criticism, not that I'd give a shit anyway.

Secondly, Riven, I beleive shitwork stops becoming shitwork the second another woman is paid to do it or someone with a penis does it.

It can be wiggly Lets face it, society as a whole does not value the role of a SAHM and therefore the people in that society dont